Hey, what if....

@ratyz5 (7829)
Philippines
May 9, 2008 9:51am CST
Good day to everyone. We all know that nobody is perfect since we all have different views and opinions on things that we perceive. That goes along with how we view our partners in our life, recent, or the ones that we're currently with. We can't deny that we have some things that we want our partners to change or even improve. Be it physical attributes or even mannerisms that we simply want them to change. Be them innate characteristics or force of habit, they have it. What I would just like to ask is, for girls, if can actually change something about your partner, what would it be? For the guys, how would you react if you found out that your girl wants to alter something about you? Would you give in and do as she wishes or do that bargain wherein you too would ask something from her? Thanks for reading and advance for your responses
3 people like this
7 responses
@littleone3 (2065)
9 May 08
I already have changed something about my partner which was getting him to give up smoking. He done it for the sake of me and our children as my and my youngest son were suffering badly from chest infections and the smoke did not help us. He did want to give up but just needed a bit of encouragement. But now i would not change anything about him as i love him just the way he is. Faults and all.
2 people like this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
9 May 08
That is nice to hear Thank you for sharing
1 person likes this
@My2Cents (291)
• Canada
9 May 08
Would I like to change things?? Perhaps, but would I REALLY want to? Absolutely not. We have flaws, that is part of who we are as human beings, and I married my husband with flaws attached, not with the perception that I would ever have the opportunty to change them. I believe I have more flaws that him really. Now THOSE flaws I have the opportunity to change.
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
9 May 08
You seem to be one that accepts him for who he is he's a lucky guy. Thank you for sharing
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19463)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
hmmm... i don't have any partner right now but i have someone special right now and if i can change something about him, then i think i want him to be more sensitive and more assertive. because he's making me confuse and unsure of his feelings. he should be more sensitive and be able to feel that i really like him. do i really have to tell it to his face every now and then? and he should be more assertive. sometimes he just make me so uncertain. he start something but he doesn't finish it. he sometimes leave me hanging. he abandons his goals easily with just one try. and i really hate it because it makes me feel so insecure and uncertain.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
You know what? I think I read that before.. have you heard of "SecretBear's Secret Prospect?" of secretbear? The story goes with this very nice lady at work who inadvertently falls for her co-worker. Being simple enough, the nice lady gets confused every time this co-worker is around. She couldn't figure out if they're both interested with each other or she's the only one thinking like that. Later on, the nice lady gets enough motivation and courage to finally clarify things with her co-worker. During the on-going pursuit of a so called 'confession' this co-worker of her's finally sheds some light on why he was being so enigmatic. I haven't finished it yet since the main heroine in this story has yet to establish her determination to pursue uncertainty. I can't wait on how she'd realize why her co-worker is so enigmatic to her or perhaps, the author might twist something interesting to conclude everything. Being dense is what most prized games have in common. Gets you that feeling that your one of those anime characters that have prospects who just have everything you like but would always fails on an aspect that makes them imperfect after all. Oh yeah, I was just kidding on reading a particular book with that particular story He abandon's his goals easily with just one try.. has a short attention span? Not focused? Has his own insecurities and uncertainties? Since you do know something about him like that, maybe you can also figure out why he seem to have no sense of determination. Helping him out, becoming a tsundere by using your anger from his imperfection may somehow be a guise to help him out from his own shortcomings. You can scold him for being not goal oriented with intention of helping him.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19463)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
if i can give a best mark to a comment to my response, i will give your comment the best mark. i want to know what will happen to that book too! ^__^;; i'll let you know if i finish it first. hmmm... you gave me an idea. maybe the reason why he's not assertive is because he has insecurities too like me? and maybe he's uncertain too regarding to what i feel. if this is the case then we're definitely stupidly going in circles. i guess i hold the key to all of these.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
You can always rate this discussion if you like. I would always do that just to mark the discussion that I have participated in when I try to open it again. Sometimes, I end up openning an already read and participated discussion, I'd only rely if I have rated it so I wouldn't have to search through the discourse if I have posted a response or not. Refrain from the word and instead, use clueless since nobody can ever be stupid. If you think that way, you both the same key after all
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
10 May 08
Hello ratyz5, Good day to you too! I do not let material things define my identity. I consider my ideals, values, morals, ethics and personality as my "identity". I do not consider myself a perfect human either. That is why I do not understand when people say that others should accept them as they are and include every material thing (clothes, shoes, hair style etc.) and habit (eating, drinking etc.) in defining their 'identity'. I respect their choice of how they define theirs, though...I don't know If that makes sense to you? Moreover, I value harmony in relationship much more important than few petty things in life that have no real significance. So, I allow my partner to express her wish if she likes to look me in a certain way. I try to respect her wishes and if I can't I simply tell her and she respects my decision. She isn't pushy about anything. I used to wear clothes that are more suited to people older than my age. When I was married, my partner liked that I wear clothes that suits more to my age. She bought me some gifts that I tried and seeing smile on her face made me happy so I continued to wear those types of clothes. We had different food choices and some of hers I never liked before. But, I wanted her to feel comfortable and more important for me was/is her company when we ate. So, there are things/foods that I like now because of her which I didn't like before. For me, it's just about respect, love and care that being my partner she deserves. And, as I said before she never insists or pushes me about anything so I do it on my own choosing. There is nothing wrong about making your partner feel comfortable, happy and welcome. However, I wouldn't change about my ideals, human values and personality even if she wanted me to change unless, of course, I am convinced by evidence and argument for a change. We discuss things and sometimes we reach an agreement and other times we agree to disagree. There is no heated argument or loss of respect or love though.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
10 May 08
You really accomodate your partner as you have mentioned along your post. She's lucky to have someone who readily adjusts for everyone involved in the relationship. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this discussions
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5555)
• Pakistan
10 May 08
You are welcome, ratyz5, and thanks for your kind words!:-)
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
11 May 08
Your efforts are worth recognizing
@mialei23 (2386)
• Philippines
16 Jun 08
I am very frank when it comes to that. It's hard to tell your partner or boyfriend those things face to face, but I am not ashame of asking it. I tell him what I want and I do not want directly. But I assure and think it twice before hand because I don't want him to be offended. If it's for good sake why not. People are not PERFECT, you are right! But if we must change for good, why not.But if my boyfriend told me to change things that I used to, that's not fair at all. Before we start some relationship we have to accept each others differences, so why should we change. So far, this is just my opinion. Thank you and have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
16 Jun 08
Well, we often change as we move along the relationship. For thigns to work out, each one has to compromise to have it go along smoothly. With everyone's coopertaion, the relationship is strengthened and the bond becomes more better. We always look out for everyone's welfare, weigh things before we try to suggest changes and keep the line of communication open, especially when things get more complicated. Have a nice day as well, mialei23
@richiem (3646)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
If those habits are bad for me like sitting one foot away from the tv while watching, i can manage to change it for her because she's only showing her care. it's for me not for her. but if it's like changing my nose or my cheekbones, i don't think i would agree with that. i am a believe of the idea that if someone loves me, she has to love me for what i am and not for what she sees me to be in the future. if she can't stand the way i look, she should have not become my girlfriend in the first place. so if ever, she would say that i should change something like my nose, i would let her explain why. but i would tell her that it can't happen. i won't be offended in the first time. but in the next time she would bring it up again, i would tell her it now offends me and tell my reason in my second paragraph. love for me is not physical. i know genes matter when you're making a child but genes don't matter with love.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
Heck, I agree with that. I can't possibly have my height reduced if my partner would insist on me to have it trimmed down a few inches.. But seriously, I really do agree with accepting the package as it is when you really do like it. You'd compromise when things seems to be not according to your expectations out of that fondness that you have developed. That's why I like long ardous courtings that really establish relationships and realizations before ever stepping it up to that full commitment thing that they recognize in relationships Thank you for adding another perspective to this discussion
@eagle_f15 (2052)
• Malaysia
13 May 08
Only one thing for me - I wish he will eat meat less and eat more greens. But since I am the one cooking or put dishes into our pack away lunch I will just add a green dish in it. He would eat it anyway - LOL
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
13 May 08
It seems you got it all figured out then Thank you for participating