Miscarriage questions...not about me
By foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
United States
May 17, 2008 10:10am CST
A friend of mine is claiming she just had a miscarriage and not to sound cold but her story is just not adding up. I feel bad for her if it's true but my gut is telling me that she was never pregnant and she's playing the sympathy card for attention.
Here are the basic details, let me know what you all think. She announced her pregnancy at 5 weeks. I know it's possible to know that early so that's not a problem. Now she was just shy of 11 weeks. She says she went to an ultrasound yesterday and was told the baby had been dead for 4-5 weeks...that was at 4pm. I talked to her at 7pm and she told me that she "had her baby" at home, "contractions" happened between 5pm and 6pm, she was taking medicine to help with the bleeding and she planned to "bury the baby" today.
Here are the holes in the story the way I see them. Based on conversations I had with her earlier in the day, she barely had enough time to get to the hospital, have an ultrasound, see her doctor for "medicine", and get back home. Then it seems odd that at 4pm she knew the baby was dead but didn't know what yet was going to happen with it...her words. Then a mere hour later she "went into labor", does a miscarriage at under 11 weeks even come close to being in labor? Another thing, if she wasn't miscarrying yet while at the doctor, would she have been given medicine to control the bleeding (that wasn't happening yet)? And is that even the kind of "medicine" that can be taken at home without a doctor's supervision? And finally, a 6-7 week old fetus is the size of a blueberry at most and has few external features of a baby...after being "dead" for a month would there even be anything obvious to bury?
I'm asking in all seriousness because I really don't know what to think. She's a friend but I just get a strange feeling about her that I can't put my finger on. I'll be here for support if she really has gone through this but find it disgusting to lie about something like this.
6 people like this
6 responses
@elemental69 (1559)
• Ireland
19 May 08
Sorry but your friend doenst sound like she had a miscarraige at all. I have had two of them and no, you dont have a labour at 11 weeks. There is nothing a doctor can do only leave it to mother nature. A fetus under 26 weeks is not classed as a baby, and no burial is allowed under that term. And you are so right, at just 11 weeks it would still be tiny. At 11 weeks there are definitely not contractions as it is the baby at a nine month term that causes contractions when he/she wants to come out. and I dont mean to sound cruel, but if she was having contractions and in labour, what was she pushing out? She doesnt sound like she knows what she is talking about to be honest, and she sounds like she really needs help to be lying about something like that....
2 people like this
@Modestah (11177)
• United States
19 May 08
I believe that it is different for each individual - I had contractions with (2) 12.5 week loss and 13 week loss and 26 week loss. IT is not the size of the baby that causes the contractions... that cramping is indeed contractions, whether or not it is as awful as full term labor.
Just as three full term births by the same mother may all have different intensities of labor so can the miscarriage.
2 people like this
@Modestah (11177)
• United States
19 May 08
also, when one has a c-section, they still have contractions and labor pains - though they are not pushing out anything, as it happens after delivery. The uterus does not get back to its normal size without first contracting. Sometimes doctors will even administer pitussin (sp) inorder to speed the process up. owie.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
19 May 08
I can understand having cramping but after delivering 6 full term babies I just can not compare cramping to actual labor. I guess her intention was to bury "the baby" in her yard so it wasn't a legal issue or anything just her personal preference...I still don't believe there could have been anything for her to bury anyway. We're thinking she has some sort of mental issues as her behavior over the last several months seems to be getting more and more bizarre.
1 person likes this
@olivebranch56 (910)
• United States
19 May 08
Foxy I have had 2 miscarriages, no the pain is not the same as a birth, I did have cramping, like bad period cramps. It was the pain of the heart that hurt the worst. This lady obviously has some issues. How old are her other children, esp. the baby? Could she possibly be going through Post Partem? She most surly is seeking attention for some reason, I think maybe I would sit her down and try to get her to open up, if you are that close, if not it may be best to talk to her hubby if she has one. She needs help.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
19 May 08
Here others are 4 and 2 so it must be something beyond post partum depression but I really do think it's some sort of mental illness as this is just one of several bizarre things about her. We aren't really close and she does have a husband. From what I've pieced together, he's just as clueless/frustrated about what to do about her. From other experience with her...if she's 'called out' on something, she just changes the story to make it fit or claims some sort of mix-up.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
20 May 08
That's why I'm not questioning things to her face. I don't want to get into the other stories but they are just way out there...I don't trust her as far as I can trow her and that's not far since she outweighs me by more than double.
1 person likes this
@olivebranch56 (910)
• United States
20 May 08
Foxy I think I would head to the hills on this one before she starts something about you to cause you problems. Just my opinion, I normally will go 120% for anyone, but this gal sounds like T rouble with a cap T.
1 person likes this
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
21 May 08
I'm pretty sure I had a miscarriage years ago but it would have been so earlier in the pregnancy there's no way for me to have known for sure. I had an IUD at the time and I was several weeks late with my period then I got it and it was extremely heavy and I had some really bad cramps. I passed a big clot at one point and continued to bleed heavily for several days. This happened over the weekend so I called my doctor and was told to stay off my feet and keep them elevated and to call him and go to the ER if I got any worse. When I did see the doctor it turned out my IUD was gone so there was a good possibility I'd become pregnant in spite of it, or perhaps it had shifted or fallen out before the pregnancy and/or miscarriage. If I did indeed have a miscarriage there was certainly nothing there that I could have buried, definitely nothing that even remotely resembled a "baby". I think your friend definitely has some kind of emotional or mental problem and I sure hope she gets the help she needs before this escalates into something far more serious and potentially tragic. We've all heard and seen of these horror stories where women kidnap babies or even murder pregnant women and take their unborn babies from inside their bodies for themselves and I honestly believe sometimes these women really don't know what they're doing and they come to believe it really is their baby. I may have wandered off-topic or this may be a bit of a stretch but you never know.
Annie
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
21 May 08
I am not going to try and "judge" whether your "friend" really had a miscarriage or not! here is another link that does say that gender is determined by the fourth week! The fetus measurement is from crown to rump, meaning it is not measured from crwon to toes, which is what your friend may have been doing! Either way, there are many things that can go wrong, and every miscarriage is experienced in a different way! I had to give up trying to "prove" the last two miscarriages, but it can be a lonely time especially with your friends, family, and neighbors all judging you!
http://www.pregnancy.org/pregnancy/fetaldevelopment1.php#week5
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
21 May 08
I didn't ask anyone to judge her. I asked for honest answers to the questions I posed.
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
21 May 08
That is good, what I meant is that people are judging her, including you! I am giving you the webpages with information on them, so you can be more informed! In the United States, medical records are kept private and it is a violation of privacy to discuss private information with others! You also have your pictures on myLot, as I do, so it is not that difficult for others to figure out who you are and of whom you are speaking!
@kangel48446 (507)
• United States
27 May 08
I'm not exactly sure that I would believe the story either but this response is based on the miscarriage that I just went through. The 22nd of May, I went to the hospital because I was having heavy bleeding and period-like cramps. When they did the ultrasound, they found no heart beat and had said I had already passed the baby. They said that I was probably in the early stages of the miscarriage and sent me home. The next day, I made an appointment to see my OB (which is today at 5pm). The following day, I went through contraction after contraction and ended up losing quite a bit of what was left. I might be able to have more information for you once see my OB today.
From my experience, you can have contractions with a miscarriage. I highly doubt the whole story about "burying" her baby because at 11 weeks, she wouldn't of really noticed a "baby" during a miscarriage.
