Its my life !

India
June 17, 2008 1:30am CST
My 19 year old son drives me up the wall sometimes. Whenever there is some advice to be given to him, he will just tell me its my life. He just wont listen to me these days and I know we all passed through this phase of life where friends are more important than parents, but yet it drives me mad. I have often told him not to complain when things go wrong, but fortunately till now he has done well for himself. This is his University exam year, his final in college and I urge him to study hard, but I get this patent reply. Up till now he had college exams and hence there was not much tension. Now with a University exam coming up, he must do well for his future career. How can I make him understand ? He knows the value of this percentage that he will get, but has still not got down to studying.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@fatragu (349)
• United States
17 Jun 08
My parents always told me that it may be my life but they knew more and had valuable advice to give and if I didn't listen then one day I would learn that they were right and I wouldn't be able to fix the situation because it had taken me so long to see "the light" that it had become too late. Maybe he feels that he already knows the information and doesn't need to study. Then the more that you are on him about studying the less he is going to want to do it. Hope it helps.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18452)
• India
17 Jun 08
i think its the problem many parents face with teenaged children you are no exception. but we had not been like this. mostly me. i think its better if he start thinking about the career now. its the ultimate time.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
18 Jun 08
well, teenagers always behave in that way... they want to show to everybody who they are and in the process of searching their true identity... so they like to rebuke... especially to their parents... i do that as well when i am still young... but once the stage pass, they will go back to normal again... good luck and have a nice day...
• India
19 Jun 08
Whew, I do hope you are right. Its really assuring when you write like this. I just hope this phase passes soon. Thanks a million . You too have a nice day and God Bless.
@newtondak (3950)
• United States
17 Jun 08
My thoughts go back to something my father (and many others that I know) have told their kids - As long as you're living under my roof, I still have something to say about what you do with YOUR life! When you move out of my home and take on paying all of your own expenses and bills, then you can have the complete say about what you do with YOUR life!
• India
18 Jun 08
I have tried saying this to him, and that is the time he keeps quiet, but it is the same all over again. I am just hoping for the best. Thank you for your advice.
• United States
17 Jun 08
I am not sure you can make him understand. It is a common response to parents who attempt to help their children learn from their mistakes, instead of having to make the same mistakes. However, kids need to make mistakes and realize the consequences of their actions. You need to sit back and hope that you have done a fantastic job of raising this boy, and let him have his time to shine. If it were me, I would ask him to sit down and listen to me for five minutes without interrupting. Tell him about your concerns, and that you know you have raised a responsible young adult. Let him know that you trust in his ability, and that this will be the last time you point out that he needs to study. If he doesn't buckle down, then he must be willing to live with the consequences that come from that action. After explaining all of this, I would kiss him, hug him and walk away to let him think about his response of "It's My Life". Trust in yourself, and the boy you have raised to be a young man. He will come through for you and himself with shining colors.
• India
18 Jun 08
I have never really tried to advise him strongly, only as a talk, but he wont even listen. Oh, he still hugs and kisses me when I ask for it, and he is a good lad compared to all others. Only he is quite innocent compared to all the other guys and therefore I feel more protective towards him. He even worked summer holidays to pay for his tution fees, so that the burden does not fall on us. This is his last year in college, so I am worried. Just remember him, his name is Kurush in your prayers. Thanks a million for your advice. I will try and do as you say and hope for the best.
@Hatley (164232)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Jun 08
hi how about his school counselors dont they come up' withe the facts and figures for collegegrads and how much more they will make than those without this education. I am confused he is nineteen and graduating from college or' going to college and what is this University exam year. could you explain more please.
• India
18 Jun 08
In India, we have three major exams which are common to all the students. One is in the tenth standard, whose grades then decide which stream a child can take in college. This is the final year of school. Then the child goes to college and studies for five more years. The twelth standard exam is very very important. A child can then take up medecine, engineering etc if he has chosen a science field, or can continue with the chosen field in tenth. Then the next two years are college exams only. The last year in college is a University exam where all the children of all the colleges sit to give a common exam set by the University. Here the smart and the not so smart children sit and each one competes with the other for better grades for depending on this grade or percentage, the child gets admission for further studies or a good job. My son is doing his Bachelor in Management studies and if he does well this year, he will be able to study for his masters. That is why this year is so important. I just pray he does well.
@gemini_rose (16192)
17 Jun 08
I have a 16 year old who drives me up the wall, he is not in the same position as your son but simalarities are there. I never advise my son, I talk to him but never advise him. Advise often sounds like interfering to them or bossing them about and they get quite defensive about it, sometimes it will push them to do the opposite of what you are trying to do. My son reacts much better to me when I just talk to him about things rather than tell him he has to go to college or he has to get a job. You will not make him understand, he probably already knows what he has to do. If I was in your shoes then I would not keep telling him to study but put it to him in another way that does not get his back up and make him think that you are getting on at him. I know that you are only doing it because you love him and want him to do well, but as I am finding out kids can be funny things in their teenage years!
• India
18 Jun 08
Whenever I bring up the subject of studies even in general talk, he refuses to listen. This years grades will decide on his going for further studies like Masters in Business Studies or a good job. We have never been rich and yet we have tried to give him the best education we could. We have scrimped and saved for his studies. He knows all this. Maybe I am over worried, but I dont see him studying. When he comes back from college, he goes to his friends, then in the evenings all his frinds come home, night he watches tv and bed. I know he is a good lad and very loving otherwise. He looked after me when I fractured my knee in Feb. I just hope he does well in life for this exam will determine his career.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I'm not sure anymore with with kids thse days. I have a 16 year old daughter and she is behind on getting some of her high school credits. I told her there is no more time for playing around and not doing her homework. I think she finally understands since she will be getting her license soon and she only has two years of school left before she graduates. I keep reminding her that her friends will graduate and she will still be in school if she does not buckle down. Summer school is no fun either. I also told her she will not have a good job unless she learns what she needs to learn. I remind her that she will not advance far in life without the education.
• India
18 Jun 08
This guy will start studying in the end, I know, but that wont be enough. He will be competing with the best brains in his field and he has to do well, for this will determine the future course of his life. I think we were never like the kids of today. All the best for your daughter and do remember my Kurush in your prayers.
• United States
17 Jun 08
I get that you're nervous for him and his future, but honestly, it is his life. And he's 19 years old, I think he knows what are the best ways for him to learn, study and test. Maybe he is studying, you just don't see it. Maybe he feels confident that he knows the material and doesn't need to study, not everyone does. I'm sure he's well aware of what he needs to do, but he's old enough to make his own decisions and you really need to let him.
• India
18 Jun 08
ok friend, advice taken. Praying everything works out for the best. Thanks.
@ashnigam (96)
• India
17 Jun 08
I am sure he will give due regard to his education. I feel you need to be a bit patient and on the other hand try to counsel him peacefully. Loosing your temper might make the things even bad. Also try to find out if he has interests in other vocations or fields where he can excel. Regards.
• India
18 Jun 08
This is his chosen field. He is doing Bachelors in Business Management and this final year results will determine the future course of his life. I have just stopped telling him and hope forthe best. Thank you for your kind advice.
@celticeagle (123506)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jun 08
Why don't you try backing him and what you have taught him. I am pretty sure that he realizes how important this exam is. Give yourself and him some credit. And, it is his life.