i have a question about fighting..should it be kept between the couple?

@jhl930 (3605)
United States
July 28, 2008 1:14pm CST
ok here is the thing, whenever i am in a relationship and we have an argument or a fight or something like that, i don't really like other people knowing our business by then knowing that we are fighting and what its about, because honestly i have always kind of felt that it was our business..and that its something that should be kept between us, but there has been times when she will go and tell her friends that she hasn't talked to in forever that we are arguing or tell her cousin(which is so freaking nosy its not even funny and if her cousin knows everyone in town will know)and i have ask her before to please not do that because it was between us...it was our relationship...so do you think that things should be kept between the couple or do you think that i am wrong? thanks for taking the time to read my discussion and i hope that you all have a great day today!
6 people like this
14 responses
@coolmailraj (2461)
• India
29 Jul 08
Hi. With girls you are always going to have this problem of telling everyone everything. The best way out is to be her best friend so that its you to whom she tells everything. I too think that a fight in a couple should remain between the two, but if you are not able to get over it for some time then you can discuss it with someone who both of you trust.
2 people like this
@lrglara (1347)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
that's funny... i mean how you described your gf's cousin... im sorry about that but with women, we usually tell our friends what we're feeling. you're right, its your business. i have to admit, before, i use to tell my friends if my bf and i had an argument. it was so frequent, my friends would just brush it off. they kept telling "so what's new, you're always like that!". they even pick their sides and most of the time, its not with me. it is your business and you're right by telling it to your girlfriend. i also understand your gf. it really is hard to keep your feelings to yourself especially if you're upset and since you had an argument, she cant come to you. so she tells it to her friends. just be patient! don't say anything. it will just spark another argument.
1 person likes this
@redkathy (3375)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I think you are absolutely correct! When a couple fights a lot of things are said and done out of anger and not really meant. By one person telling others someone could get the whole wrong impression about the other person. Later, the person who told may find that they have to defend their significant other and retract what they had originally said to change the persons original impression. I ALWAYS and mean ALWAYS respect a confidence, especially one with my husband. I think you must tell the other person how you feel about this and how important it is to you.
@nanciem (1106)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Hi jhl930, Wow this is a rough one. I can understand your point of wanting to keep your argument between yourselves. I have been there and have done what you say she has done... discuss your arguments. Haven't you ever discussed your arguments with your friends? Sometimes it takes someone elses point of view to kick us back into reality, but then again sometimes we just want someone to "take our side". Maybe during your arguments, things are not actually discussed and just yelled across the room at each other, so it leaves somethings unsettled. I do agree there are certain tings that should remain between the couple, but, I do also know that friends can actually help you see a different light on the subject. This is a rough one! Good luck!
@jhl930 (3605)
• United States
28 Jul 08
i've done it once before when her cousin was there and she ask her cousin do you think he is wrong and then id call my friend in front of them and ask him who he thought was wrong...but i guess we are just different in that aspect...thanks for replying to my discussion and helping!
@Elixiress (3887)
29 Jul 08
I do not think it needs to be kept between the couple, okay every little argument and every word said does not need to be told to everyone you meet. But some people like to talk to others about their problems and obviously if they are arguing then they cannot talk to their partner. If me and my boyfriend have an argument then I tell my two closest friends and they do the same.
@MaeTsuen (257)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
hmmmm for whatever arguments or figthing a couple have must stay just between the 2 of them. solve it just the 2 of you, as much as possible try to keep it between you and your partner. and it is easier to solve any arguments when other people don't know, tendency is they might interfere.... the issue will become bigger and become worst =/
• Malaysia
29 Jul 08
Hey there, funny thing is upon reading coming across this discussion, I just chatted with my friend who is a girl yesterday until 2 am because she asked my opinion on her relationship with my friend. I just tried to let her tell me what she experienced and thought of her boyfriend rather than me telling her what to do.I personally think that you should keep what you are fighting about within the couple but sometimes if gets too much too handle then it is always OK to consult someone outside the relationship.
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
29 Jul 08
Yes, I definitely think arguments within a couple are private - but I can understand that women often need to 'talk it out', and if they have uncommunicative men, they will often turn to their girlfriends, sisters or mothers to vent. This is pretty natural, and it can be very comforting and help them get things into perspective and calm down a bit. Many men don't like discussing relationship problems and will try to avoid that type of confrontation, whereas women sometimes really need to talk. As long as your wife/girlfriend isn't giving explicit or embarrassing details to all and sundry, I think what she's doing is pretty normal.
• United States
28 Jul 08
I think it should stay between the couple but on the other hand women like to talk about their problems with other females.. I think when the fight is going on it should be kept between the couple but a couple of days later than the girl can talk to their girlfriends about it... but when the fight is going on yes it should be keep in between the couple.
@ebsharer (5516)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I think it depends some times we just need some one to talk to. It doesn't mean that you should go tell every one in the world whats going on but possibly a friend or two. Look at me my relationship is on the rocks right now I started a MyLot discussion about it. Just to get some opinions about it. I talked with my mom about it too and I have a friend that I confide a lot in. It depends on the arguement. For example if you are arguing over some thing stupid that you will both get over in 2 days anyway then no I don't think you should tell every one in the world. But if you are arguing for days upon days some times it all you can talk about because its all that is on your mind. Again like me I don't have any thing but our disagreement on my mind so its what I talk about. I guess for me it depends on the argument. I do think you have to watch what you say because things can be held against others at a later date.
@ishralene09 (2260)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
I think that it should be kept between couples. That's how my girlfiend and I handle things, nodoby ever notices we're fighting. And when they notice something's wrong, it's over. We usually resolve it fast. We really love each other and so compassion and understanding is there. I remembered we had a fight for like a week, and after that nobody ever knew about it. We went swimming with friends and get over it. It was a very rewarding experience, because it makes us even stronger.
• United States
28 Jul 08
You are right, heated discussions or arguments should be kept between the individuals in the relationship. There are times when things are going real bad in a relationship and one needs the advice or councel of someone but in a case like that, it should be someone that you can trust not to spread your business. Sometimes family can be a pain in the azz because they feel they have the right to tell you what you should do. Women are quick to tell their sister/girlfriend to cut the guy off. I have learned that arguments and other personal problems that come up in a relationship needs to be kept between the two. Do you know another thing I learned? I learned that men can run their mouths just as much or even more so than a woman. My sweetie would tell his friend (well not anymore, never one in the first place)certain things we were going through and he was the type to let it be known that something had been said and that is one thing that I never liked about him. I mean, come on already......keep your mouth shut!
@klaudine (3651)
• Indonesia
28 Jul 08
Actually, I'd rather have the relationship problem as an internal issue. But somehow people can realize that there is a problem by seing our body language, and that must be critical because it's been reaching the point where both party can no longer pretending that there is no problem between them. In cases where the problem never be able to resolved, the had to ask from the 3rd party to see the problem from more objective view.
@relundad (2311)
• United States
28 Jul 08
Let me say that first women and men communicate different and think different. You consider it telling your business and she considers it just talking. Women tend to reach out for others opinions and men usually keep stuff to themselves and try to work it out internally. Having said that since the arguement is between the two of you and involve you both, and you have asked her not to share this. Then I think she should respect your wishes. I think that is total disrepect if you tell your partner something that bothers you or that you have a problem with and they continue to do what you asked them not to. That for me is equivalent to saying I don't care about your feelings, what you think or what you have to say.