My daughter has been holding her fathers baggage for some time now.

United States
December 2, 2008 6:38pm CST
I was trying not to put this here. I feel since I am not here whats the point. But I am here now that is what matters. My daughter and I talk often about things. This came to be a shock to me as she did not speak to me about it. She is upset tht her father cares about her brother and not her. See he was deported to Jam.. Now from the age of 2 he wanted nothing to do with her. All because I would not sleep with him. She broke down last night and it all came out in a bang. I tried to tell her it's nothing she or I can do. I did promise her that if he does get back here. I would take him for child support after a year. He was selling drugs and no I would not let her go with him. I told the judge this as well. I also told them where he was selling the drugs. Since he found the need to lie. So I feel she blames me for the deportion. Over all he still never gave a crap about her. She says I should never have slept with him. That it's not fair that she does not have a father. I had to remind her I don't have a father because he died She has a father who just does not care. I am not really looking for a way to cure this mans wrong doings. I just want her to let the crap go.. Thanks friends for the listen..
2 people like this
13 responses
• United States
3 Dec 08
I never knew my biological father. There was only one man that I ever called with deep affection "Daddy" and he was only in my life for a short time. She will eventually realize that the man who is her biological father really isn't worth all the worry. With age comes maturity. Big huggers to you both.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 09
Oh I am so glad to read this now. I have not been on as you already know. My daughter is doing better. The girl is taller than me now. Thanks very much for the wonderful hug you have sent both of us. take care.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 09
Glad to see you around!
• United States
3 Dec 08
My marriage was annulled with my first husband and my 2 children aged 6 and 7. I've always reassured them that everything will be alright. I never talk any negative things about their father. I let him borrow the kids so he can spend time with them because anyway they are his kids too. It made them feel better about things. When their teacher knew about this things they were amazed because they can never see that the kids are affected by it. A lot of children do manifest things of what has happened in family life especially when parents break up. I'm sorry that your kid felt the trauma of it. For sure that would not be easy. Keep talking to her in the simplest way you can to make her understand. Do not give up no matter how many times. Just keep showing her the positive side of life and that everything will be alright. God bless.
• United States
3 Dec 08
Your kids are doing well because like you said, you don't talk bad about their father to them. This person is telling her child that her father doesn't love her and was doing bad things. Of course the child is going to have issues when being told that, adults would have issues in that situation too.
• United States
3 Dec 08
I can't say i know the feeling exactly because my daughter isnt old enough to understand what it going on. her father left us when i was 2 months pregnant with her. he has been in and out of her life since she was 3 months (she is now 16 months) but what i plan on telling her if she ever brings it up is that its not her fault and that i will always be there for her and never turn my back on her. I know none of this makes anything better, but just let her know that you will ALWAYS be there for her just like the many times you have been and that you will try to fix things and you two *you and your daughter* can talk things through and figure out something that she will be happy with. maybe even have her write him a letter???? i dunno... im sorry your going through this
• United States
3 Dec 08
I do also want to add that its hard for a child to accept the fact that they really dont have a father (seeing as he really isnt a father to her). its hard when alot of their friends have fathers and even her own siblings have the 'father figure' in their life. you just have to let her know that you will be there for her
@amouse (22)
• China
4 Dec 08
Unfortunately, full of life. but we still have to continue to live. Dont bring children to hate. God bless you.
@faizi1 (157)
• Pakistan
3 Dec 08
dear well its one and only answer is that that you loved daughter and faimly too much so thats why you care about them and they care about you
• United States
3 Dec 08
Oh my this is hard to answer my best idea would be prayer.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
3 Dec 08
I can understand the dilemma you are going through., the children never understanmd what is the truth. as a mother you are facing the most challenging and emotional phase I guess. Time will teach her what is the actual problem.
• United States
3 Dec 08
Why on earth are you telling your child that her father doesn't care about her? Even if it is true, you do not tell a child that. Poor kid. Would it have hurt you to just say he was deported and leave it at that? Do you really need to hurt your daughter?
@dodo19 (38696)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
3 Dec 08
I'm really sorry about your daughter's hurt. It's never fun to hear about these type of situation. My fiance is in a similar situation. His parents have been married for over 25 years. His mom is the greatest person and mom, hardworking, loving, caring, and I could go on. His dad on the other hand, is the opposite. He's lazy, unemployed most of the time, and doesn't care about his kids and granddaughters. He doesn't love his children or grandchildren. And he doesn't even try to hide it. Although your daughter doesn't have a loving father, at least, she has the consolation that she has at least a mother who loves her.
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
3 Dec 08
Just be glad that she is letting you know how she feels. She could keep it all bottled up and not discuss it at at all. It would eat at her worse.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
3 Dec 08
Wow! I understand the situation though. My ex husband didn't want the kids after the first year of our divorce....and it hurt the kids. Well my one daughter got over it and the other just got past it about four years ago and they are grown adults! My daughter blamed me for the divorce..she didn't remember his awful temper or the nasty things he did to them and me....so time will heal but it might take a while.
• United States
3 Dec 08
i know how hard it must be. sometimes we all look at things differently and it is hard to deal with especially when its between our parents. wheni was younger i blamed my mom for the divorce fo my parents but in reality i was just blind because my dad deserved what he got.. he beat my mom and my brothers he was a drunk..and still is.. he was never there. but back then i didnt see all that. now i regret holding my mom responsible because it wasnt her fault she only did what was best for us.
@jazel_juan (15753)
• Philippines
3 Dec 08
wow that is sad, your child must felt so bad of not having a father..maybe bond withe her more, spend time more with her and she may feel that you are there to fill all those gaps, there are things that we cannot control like her father leaving her..that is so said and i hope she will get through it, be tough and god bless you