She blames herself for her Dad's death!
By joerhonda
@joerhonda (476)
United States
December 10, 2008 4:13pm CST
Sat will be the one year anniversary of my daughter Dads death. She was 20 last year when he died and she is taking it very hard. She was in boot camp with the Army when it happened. It was the day before graduation. They were holding a family briefing in the auditorium when he had his 1st heart attach. He had come a day earlier than expected to surprise her! All he kept saying while sitting there watching her onstage in her uniform was..."look at her, she is so beautiful! I am so proud of her!" After the first heart attach they took him to the hospital on base and decided to transport him to another hospital 1 1/2 hours away. The weather was to bad to medivac him in a helicopter. My daughter told him we would meet him there. The doctors called us 15 minutes later and told us he had a 2nd heart attach and didn't make it. He died on the way to the hospital!
My daughter is having such a hard time with this! She blames herself for his death. Even though she knows in her head that it's not her fault, she can't seem to make her heart believe it. I lost both my parents at her age, but I still can't imagine how she feels. As a mother you want to be able to protect your children and take away their pain. I have a very strong faith in the Lord and his word and have tried to use it in this situation. She knows he's in a better place, but still it hurts her.
I know in time the pain will ease, it always does. Until then I guess all I can do is be there for her and love her.
Rhonda
1 person likes this
4 responses
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
11 Dec 08
That is just so unbelievably sad. My heart goes out to you and your daughter but you are doing everything right as far as loving her goes and, as you know, the pain will pass. Sadly, the guilt will probably linger on.
I've a feeling your husband knew he would not be here much longer and all he wanted to do was see his little girl's graduation. It would've made him happy to know that he saw her before he passed. She is not to blame. If you could somehow get through to her that that was his last wish it may ease her pain and guilt. He is still very proud of her and always will be. She is a very lucky girl to have parents who love her that much.
God Bless you both
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
11 Dec 08
I understand that. I was 16 going on 17 when my dad passed. I am now almost 49 and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. He is still very much in my life spiritually, anyway. I think as long as we carry them around in our hearts they are never truly gone.
Love and light to you both
Pollyanna
@joerhonda (476)
• United States
11 Dec 08
Ah, thank you for your kind words! So sweet! I figure someday, after she's a little older and experienced a little more in life, she will figure it out. Right now all she knows is her Dad is gone and she misses him so very much!
Rhonda
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
12 Dec 08
So sorry for the loss. I hope your daughter finds the strenth to move on and put that behind her. And realize her father lives in her everyday. I know how she feels in a way because i am looking to a same situation. My father is not going to be around very long. I think its worse knowing when they are going to go.
@joerhonda (476)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I think sometimes it is worse knowing it is coming, but it also gives you a chance to enjoy every minute with him that he is still here! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Rhonda
@rizzu87 (860)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 08
Its sad to hear about your husband... But this is part of life.. i have lost my father when i was just 8 and my younger brother was less than a year. It was really difficult to manage everything at that time, but time has made everything better and better day by day. But still i use to love my dad more than anything and it had to happen so it happened with God's will.
I hope you and your daughter would come out of this.. and things would go better for you.. may God give peace to your husband ..
@joerhonda (476)
• United States
11 Dec 08
I am sorry to hear of your losses also! Just so everyone knows, her Dad and I were divorced. We split up when she was a year old. Thank you for your kind words though! As with the many other posts, you're words of encouragement are a big help! Thanks again!
Rhonda
@mzplased (255)
• United States
10 Dec 08
My heart goes out to your daughter and you. How sad that she blames herself.
I think life is full of "If I only". We lost our father last year also. I am full of "If I only .." also. Among other members of the family that probally have the same thoughts.
We cant change what happened. We might have changed where it happend , but would it have been any better of a feeling for us? I dont think so. There would be another "If I only".
Her father passed, but before he did he was doing what he loved to do..being a very proud father watching his beautiful daughter.
Prayer to heal your daughter heart.
@joerhonda (476)
• United States
11 Dec 08
I am sorry to hear the loss of your Dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! You are right...the if only. I try to get her to focus on the positive part of it. He came a day early and got to see her. Everything happens for a reason and it happens just when it's suppose to. God has a plan for us all!
Thank you for your input and your prayers
Rhonda
