Is it possible that you are single for too long?
By taface412
@taface412 (3175)
United States
January 1, 2009 3:40pm CST
In other words, you are single for so long in your life, or never really experienced a relationship, where you feel even if you might meet the right one you get scared? I mean scared to the point you have already played out things in your mind to the point where you might even sabotage something before it begns...
Sounds crazy huh? Well welcome to this single girl's mental world. And the thing is I know now this is how I always acted if and when I met someone. And just like I have realized other things over this last year of how I sabotaged or took part in the sabotages in my life/happiness I am having a major duh moment.
But this issue is not as easy oreasily advised to fix, because it deals wit the heart, mind and soul. For some people getting burned once is all it takes for a person to swear to never get involved again....and I think I did that long ago. And without knowing pushed people out of my life and ignored (subconsciously) the ones who tried to be in my life.
And now fast forward to this moment...I find it scary-even though I am intelligent and confident in myself- at the thought of possibly meeting someone. Crazy stuff here. I guess that is why I have always pegged myself as a realistic romantic.
But I am learning all things happen and more often than not they turn out for the good. And maybe what I should do is just chill out (like I know I should) and just deal with whatever happens and stop worrying so much about things I cannot control. But giving up control over your life is hard to do when that's all you have known.
So all you singletons out there....encoutner any emotional isues like this that screams for a shrink? LOL
2 people like this
4 responses
@trinale (1479)
• United States
2 Jan 09
If we were hanging out, having a cappuccino, shooting the breeze and you told me that. I'd tell you that you need to stop tripping girl! As long as you know who and what you are and what you bring to the table in a relationship, you're alright! Do you know what your expectations from your partner?
Until you figure that one out, just follow your own advice. It's the best you'll get. Just let the stream flow where it may and go with it. Don't try to build any dams and you're be alright!
Cheers,
Stan
1 person likes this
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I love it...you are absolutely right. And I do know what and who I am, etc. My thing is that I am trying to break down the dams as a come across them...and it's funny because even though they get a little smaller each time...there still there. But I'll keep doing it until they are all gone.
Very nice metaphor.
Thanks for the response Stan.
@lilaclady (28206)
• Australia
1 Jan 09
oh I know exactly where you are coming from, I guess I have experienced so much hurt in my life and see so much pain in other peoples relationships once you have been single for awhile you do become a little scared about giving up that space of security one creates, lets face it there is a certain amount of risk in any relationship and when one is free from emotional hurt for some time it is very scary going back to taking the risks...
1 person likes this
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
1 Jan 09
So i am not crazy...good to know.
thanks for your response and letting me know I am not alone in these thoughts. Happy New year.
1 person likes this
@dont_pick_your_nose (2279)
• Australia
2 Jan 09
lol wow that was full on maybe a shrink could slow you down, you might be withdrawing or you might be sharing too much about yourself too quickly. Everyone makes blunders and if someone doesn't accept you and your flaws they are not the right person for you maybe try speed dating, it's just an idea but atleast you will get a chance to meet a alot of people quickly which will help you with your people skills and dating situations questions that throw you, etc. And if you don't like them or you feel awkward then they will be gone in 5 minutes. also the less time you spend with them the less likely you are to say something dumb. lol no offence.
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Yeah I don't talk about my past with potentials any more...for two reasons one...they don't need to hear what happened and all that right away...and two I don't need to dwell on something that does not even matter any more.
I don't know if I have speed dating in my area...and trust me I know I might say something stupid...funny stupid, but I would love to hear what the guys would ahve to say during that lightening round.
Thanks for the response.
