How to deal with probers?
By ahgong
@ahgong (10064)
Singapore
January 20, 2009 10:45am CST
Probers
Their specialty is to ask intuding questions about your life.
All of us will have some private matters that we do not want to share with anyone else outside of the family circle. Yet there are some people who will not stop asking and probing you about your personal matters.
They love to ask personal questions to you and expect you to share your secrets and personal life with them.
Everytime they meet you, they will never fail to ask you some questions regarding your personal life. Some of which could border on subjects that are uncomfortable for you to share with them.
Normally, a person how has respect for you, they will never probe you on anything personnal that you do not wish to share. But these probers will never understand the meaning of privacy. Most of the time, these probers are also the very people who love to gossip and spread rumours.
How to deal with them?
One of the most effective way of dealing with these kind of people is to beat about the bush. DO not give them the straight up on what they are asking.
For example, if a prober were to ask you "HOw did your spouse woo you such that you are willing to marry him?"
You can answer the prober "Well, if you must know... the details of the story is long and may take a while to tell you the story. I will tell you in detail when I get the chance to sit and have a longer chat.
That way, you are tactful enough to avoid the question. And you divert the attention away from the question. No worries about offending the asking party. And the prober will not be put in such an awkward position.
What do you think?
How do you deal with the probers within your life?
5 people like this
7 responses
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
23 Jan 09
I cant say, i hate probers, but i do dislike them to a certain extend.. hehe ^_^ For those really 'kaypoh' ones, i will not even entertain them but for frenz whom i have known for some time, i will be glad to share, but not everything.. haha =D
So whether they wanna believe it, or spread rumours about it, i dun care for much.. Because if that's the way they wanna treat me when i share with them about my experience, then it's gonna be too bad for them.. haha
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
23 Jan 09
Like you said, it really depends on who the prober is.
If is someone who you know well and cares for you, the probe is probably out of concern.
The ones that really grates on your nerves are the ones you do not know well.
They have no business to ask probing questions.
So being direct with them, if being tactful is not working, is the only way to deal with them.
1 person likes this
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
22 Jan 09
well i must be thankful that i'm not surrounded by probers. people in my social circle respect privacy and don't ask personal questions. the only time we get personal is when we are genuinely concerned and felt that we can offer some help.
i've got a prober at work though. she loves to ask all sorts of questions and will not take no for an answer. all the rest of us at work hated it so much we decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. we started asking her all sorts of personal questions and kept pressing for an answer. after that, she got the message and stopped those question. 
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
23 Jan 09
Yeah, some people just do not know how to back off even when you tell them in the face!
Just hate those who does that!
The one time I got ask a personal question was when this fella keep insisting that I tell him why I did not join him in his religion.
He was so darn pushy. I ended up so fed up I asked him "Did god ask you to ask me why I am not following him?"
He replied an earnest "no".
"Then why are you asking when God is not asking?"
That shut him up good!
1 person likes this
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
23 Jan 09
well if it's those insistent ones, i'll just tell them straight in the face. i usually start with the question 'why do you want to know?'. if they still persist, i'll tell them it's none of their business. the furthest i've gone is actually telling the person that we are just acquaintance, so i don't need to answer any questions. that was pretty bad but a gal had to do what a gal had to.
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
21 Jan 09
Usually I say "who wants to know" this will normally silence the asker. Sometimes I say, forgive me but it is not something I want to discuss. Other times cultural difference are at work and the person who asks may not be aware of the inappropriate question. In that case I will say, you know in our culture we don't discuss our salaries, personal details, political affiliations etc.etc. and then I will switch the subject.
1 person likes this
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
21 Jan 09
you raise a few good points there.
Some people may have crossed the line of privacy without knowing it.
So depending on the situation, informing them politely may be the appropriate way to go.
Then changing the subject of the topic of discussion is another good method.
Thanks for sharing my friend.
@naka75 (795)
• Singapore
23 Jan 09
One of the best ways is to offer, like some celebrities responding to the media, "standardized" answers that lead nowhere. Say, in your example question, my reply would be "When a pair of lovers are able to appreciate the qualities of each other, naturally marriage is a matter of time." So I guess it's good to learn from the celebrities sometimes.
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
20 Jan 09
I would say to them, right after they had asked a probing question, "You know, I suffer from ADD and... oh, look! A duck!"
If this was someone who really got on my nerves, like they were always asking these kinds of questions, I'd probably tell them something like, "Shhhh! I can't say that here... they're listening."
The best (and fastest) way to get people to leave you alone is to act totally insane. LOL I've seen it happen!
Seriously, though, I'd probably be right up front about it and tell them that it's none of their business. I don't worry about offending people who are offensive!
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
21 Jan 09
wow... I like the second one the most.
"Shhhh! I can't say that here... they're listening."
Yeah, some times the best way is to be direct.
Since they are so blunt to ask you something that is personal to offend you. THere shouldn't be anything wrong to actually tell them to back off.
Thanks for sharing my friend.
I see you are back at the keyboard. How's your hand?
Yeah, some times the best way is to be direct.
Since they are so blunt to ask you something that is personal to offend you. THere shouldn't be anything wrong to actually tell them to back off.
Thanks for sharing my friend.
I see you are back at the keyboard. How's your hand?@mentalward (14690)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Well, it turns out that I have something called Dupuytren's Disease, also known as Dupuytren's Contraction.
It is something like scar tissue built up on the tendon. The medical gurus don't know why it happens, it just does. It will eventually contract that tendon until my finger is almost touching the palm of my hand and I will not be able to straighten it, unless I have surgery.
The specialist I saw said that, since my finger is not contracting... yet... that surgery can be put off until there is a noticeable contraction or until straightening that finger causes worse pain.
You know the weirdest thing about my case? The surgeon I saw has the same thing! I think that, when the time comes for surgery, I'll be seeing another surgeon. I want someone who has FULL use of both hands to be doing any cutting on me!
1 person likes this
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
21 Jan 09
Well, at least there is no surgery for now. That would mean no lengthy period of recovery.
That sorts of like got your prayer answered.
Glad to see you back and up and running.
I am sure if one prayer works, your other prayer will work as well.
Pray that the scar will not grow any bigger!
@KatieDidit (989)
• United States
20 Jan 09
Another way to handle them is with outrageous lies...
Nosy Parker "That's a nasty bruise, how did you get it?"
Privacy Lover "I was attacked by a clown. Now I know why so many people are afraid of them. Behind those smiles they're vicious! Take my advice and never turn your back on one."
If they're not stupid, that's usually the end of the conversation. They get it that you don't intend to tell them.
If they push, you tell them "That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
And if they're absolutely determined then follow it by "I know you're curious but you're pushing the boundries of politeness. It's really none of our business." You've already given them two chances to back off. Be polite but direct.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
20 Jan 09
Personally people that are like this need to get a New life, and find something better to do with their time and life. I am one who hates someone to pry into my private life and ask questions all of the time. Unless they are someone I personally know and am sharing things with, overall there are some things I feel are best left private for sure. Sometimes I really wish the people who were like this would quit concentrating on others so much, and put more of the focus back on themselves as well.
1 person likes this
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
21 Jan 09
Yeah, some of them can be so nosy, aren't they?
Maybe concentrating their efforts on other people's problem is the way they deal with their own.
I guess each individual has their reason for being nosy.
If only they can be more nosy about their own matters rather than others eh?
