Respecting the elderly
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
February 24, 2009 10:04am CST
In most tribal cultures, the elderly play an important role. They are the keepers of the tribe’s memories and the holders of wisdom. As such, the elderly are honored and respected. This is also true in some eastern cultures but in many of what we like to call "modern" cultures, this is often not the case. Many elderly people say that they feel ignored, left out, and disrespected. This is a sad commentary on the society that we have created, but it does not have to be this way. We can change this situation by taking the time to examine our attitudes about the elderly and taking action to rectify the situation. Modern societies tend to be obsessed with the ideas of newness, youth, and progress. Scientific studies tell us how to do everything – from the way we should raise our kids to what we need to eat for breakfast. As a result, the wisdom that is passed down from older generations is often disregarded. Of course, grandparents and retired persons have more than information to offer the world. Their maturity and experience allows for a larger perspective of life, and we can learn a lot from talking to elderly people. It’s a shame that society does not do more to allow our older population to continue to feel productive for the rest of their lives, but we can help to bring about change. The elderly make wonderful storytellers, and creating programs where they could share their real life experiences is a way to educate and inspire other. Often we don’t listen to the elderly because we feel that their time has passed and they are too old to understand what we are going through. Lets reach out to someone who is elderly – even if we just say hello and make small talk. We should resolve to be more aware of the elderly. They are our mentors, wise folk, and the pioneers that came before us and paved the way for our future. They may not know about all our modern gadgets but they know a lot about life.
4 people like this
18 responses
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Great topic Pose. A girl I'm in grad class with is doing her master thesis on Elder Speak, so I've been learning a great deal about how wide spread it is in America. We seem to be so different then other cultures. In other cultures there is so much care taken in providing for the elders of the community, and they are held in high regard. Here, we just stick them in a nursing home, treat them like children, and forget about them. I would say the best thing we can do is encourage people to start caring for their parents themselves when they reach an age that they can no longer do so. We could learn a great deal from Eastern culture.
Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Mar 09
Hi again Anora, When I was a young man I would spend hours listening to my parents tell stories of when they were young and I learned so much. These were some of the happiest days of my life. By the ways I was the youngest of a large family and my parents already had children that were married when I was born. Blessings.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Pose-
I think we can start by sharing story books with our children that edify elders in the community. I just love the Arthur series and they do a great job with Grandma Thora. There are many books out there that do just this.
Secondly, I think we as adults right now just need to change our perspective. Take the time to listen to the old man or woman that stops you and wants to tell you their story. Once I had an old man stop me and tell me how much I reminded him of Lauren Becall. (I felt old at the time, but as I got older I realized what a wonderful compliment that was lol). I also did some work for a man that had been in WWII, and had some wonderful artifacts from the war. It was fascinating to listen to him tell his war stories.
Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
25 Feb 09
Hi Pose123! I completely agree with you. I always seek counsel to the elders in the family specifically my grandmother and father. It is true that they know nothing about the modern technology but they know much more about life as a whole. Their words are valued by me and the rest of the family. There were those times that I have ignored their words before and most of the time I regret doing so.
Take care and have a great day!
lovelots..faith
1 person likes this
lovelots..faith
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
I do respect my elders. 
Think about it people, we will all be elders at some point, so wouldn't it be nice to be treated with some decency and respect instead of being treated like yesterday's garbage?
They are a wealth of knowledge and stories of times past. They have more patience than the younger generation. More tolerance, too.
They've already been there, done that and sometimes they DO know it all. At least on certain subjects, anyway.
Think about it people, we will all be elders at some point, so wouldn't it be nice to be treated with some decency and respect instead of being treated like yesterday's garbage?
They are a wealth of knowledge and stories of times past. They have more patience than the younger generation. More tolerance, too.
They've already been there, done that and sometimes they DO know it all. At least on certain subjects, anyway.1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
Hi AnnieOakley, Thank you for commenting and you are right. The elderly may not know about many of the modern gadgets that we use today but they have knowledge about life. All young people should listen to the wisdom of old age, they may not always be right but many times they are. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
Often us 'younguns' don't heed their advice only to find out they were right after all. And it irks us to admit it.
I find they are often wrong, only when it has something to do with modern technology. Their basic principles and advices are often right on the mark.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Being elderly, I of course applause your stand for social change. I only talk when requested, my opinion is often of no importance to the younger generations. I try to keep up with technology but am loosing that battle and just putter along on my computer. I really don't understand why people text over their phones, that seems counter productive to me, if you want to carry on a conversation why not speak to the person. If you text them is it because they are not available to talk to you at that time? Why not just leave a voice message?
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
Hi savypat, Thank you for responding and I can understand where you are coming from. We have created a society where everyone has to look and act young if they want to be heard and where everything has to be new. I never bothered to learn about text messaging but I guess it must serve a purpose for anyone interested. I am not opposed to new things but I feel that there has to be a place for the elderly in our society. While they may not understand the new technology, they have experience in life and that is something that we all need and can't be bought. I always felt that I learned more from my father in his old age then I did from any of my teachers. Blessings.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
I'm glad here in our place elderly are very much respected. We have a very close family ties that we don't want our elders to be away from us until their last breath. I have a great experience taking care of my mom until her 93rd birthday. It's wonderful being a parent to our aging moms for sometime. Not only a responsible child to her parents but feeling responsible parent to them as well. So fulfilling experiencing to become a parent to a parent, that is when you take good care of your elders who are going back to their childhood. Elders here are being prioritized, being cared for and being loved. We also have home for the aged but mostly the place is for those who have no more relatives who can take care. Though majority respect elders but sad to say there are also few who are neglecting their old relatives and taking them forgranted. Well as what you've said, examine our attitudes. It's a pity to see old beggars and others on the streets.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
11 Mar 09
Hi bing, Thank you for commenting and it does my heart good to read such a response as yours and to know that there are still such people in the world. I like the way you phrase it,being a parent to a parent and it is very true as many seem to become a child again in their old age. Blessings to you my friend.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
25 Feb 09
I was raised to respect my elders, to call them by Mr. or Misses. Hold doors open for them, strike up a conversation standing in the checkout line, or elsewhere. I figure if we show the elders respect, them maybe the kids will catch on. It is not all that difficult to do, and you make someones day, and feel good beside. I am 57, and I know it makes me feel good if someone calls me Mrs. or opens a door for me.
But, I do know what people are talking about. Kids, and even grown and married kids have a tendency not to visit their grandparents, or older relatives or even parents for that matter. They too will get older some day. Those people were there for them when growing up, special occasions, weddings, births, etc. The least they can do is acknowledge them occasionally, it can be a lonely world when someone is in a nursing home with conditions that are taking their life away.
Great topic
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
Hi MaryLynn, Thank you for commenting and I too was raised to respect my elders. It is the society that we have created today that is causing the problem. We believe that the elderly have outlived their usefulness when this is not really the case. I think we need to find a way to tap into the knowledge about life that they can teach us and help them to feel good at the same time. Blessings.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I adored my grandparents ,and to me they were filled with
wisdom. I have wonderful memories of my grandfather telling
me stories about the past. I also worked in a nursing home
before ,and I always made sure that they were treated with
respect and dignity.
@hotsummer (13919)
• Philippines
26 Feb 09
i too notice that there are lots of people who does not give importance and give special attention to the elderly. it is like they are some kind of burden in the family. and so it is really sad if they will not be given the proper love and care that they really need in life. it makes me feel hurt inside cause i wish i could help them in some way. sometimes i would wish to be rich in life so that i could help them by giving them medicines or provide for them personal assistance. but i don't have the money to do so and i can't only provide personal assistance to one elderly but more than that i could not any more care for other elderly.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
26 Feb 09
Hi hotsummer, Thank you for responding and I like your comments. Not too many years ago, most of our seniors were able to remain at home with their families and many times were respected and loved, but such is not the case anymore. Society in the western world have changed so much that it's now very difficult and we have not yet figured out a role for seniors but I'm certain that they have a role to play. Blessings.
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I believe that the elderly need to be treated with dignity and respect. If it weren't for those people, we would not be here today. Many of them took care of us when we needed taking care of and they taught us all so much. When a person gets older and is need of help, I feel that they deserve to be treated with great respect. If you ever really listen to an elderly person's stories, you may find that sometimes, they do know exactly what they are talking about, not all elderly people suffer from Alzheimer's or another debilitating mental disorder. Some are very sane and are trying to teach us something before their time on Earth is over.
1 person likes this
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
25 Feb 09
While the life expectancy is constantly going up, the balance of age proportion is becoming an issue. Some view them as burden, which is againt civilized cultures. They used to be tax payers, and their spouses as home makers also made contribution indirectly to the society. Think of the younger generation, which is their production. Why should they be disregarded.
It is good, most are given material support, but attention is given not to neglect their emotional longings. According to the statistics, depression adversely affect their physical status. And demanded obedience does equal adverse to their health. So I would very much hope while the society is caring more about the elderly, their directs do something more initiatively to show their recognition as obligation.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11922)
• Guwahati, India
24 Feb 09
Hi! very good topic to discuss in detail. Yes I too believe that home is where charity begins. But you know what we parents are doing while upbringing our wards. Are not we violating the norms ourselves? We openly speak ill of the school teacher that we do not like. We have negative criticised others and we are ignoring that the children sitting beside us are the all ears to our version.
Have not we provided a mobile phone to the school going kid? Literally we have spoiled our children and now they are not only disrespecting the elders and older but also doing the same to their parents too. First thing we have to put a yoke on our indulgence and not necessary show of love.
Now coming to the elder and olders. Why most of them are complaining, grumbling and whining all the while? They too have seen how fast the trends are changing. They are stuck to their own days value and moral. This would not do. They have to adept themselves and we control our children but before that We need to change ourselves - the parents and the guardians.
1 person likes this
@cortypants (604)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I feel so bad for the elderly around here. I work at a pharmacy and every day see these elderly people who HAVE families, and still have to depend on neighbors and friends to come and get their medicine because their children can't be bothered, or are too busy. One older lady walks from her apartment to my store to get her medicine, no matter if it's 110 degrees or 2 degrees. Her daughter lives a block away. We have started dropping the lady's medicine off on our way home from work on the days we don't think she should be out walking. She says she likes the exercise (and we know she is embarrassed to need our help) so we only do it on really awful weather days, but really! I want to call her daughter on the phone and yell at her! I would move heaven and earth for my grandparents, and cherish every day I have with them. One day I won't have that luxury anymore. :(
1 person likes this
@renemouche (843)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I agree. The elderly should be respected. God-willing we will all be elderly one day so people should treat them with respect even if just for the sake of hoping you will get the same treatment when its your turn.
I have great respect for the elderly, they have seen things as lived during times that we just read about. My maternal grandma and greataunt had such wisdom to share. My paternal greataunt made it possible for our family to have its first eve reunion. She had so much family pictures and documents, we were able to go back all the way to the early 1800's with our family tree and learned some great things about our acestors during the years she spent rounding up all that info with my dad and uncle.
Every person of every age has something to contribute and we should always make a place.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I must be an odd middle ager. I have great respect for those who came before. I do disrequard some things because things have changed (like my grandfather's views of the races) but I love to hear what they think and feel. I know they have a lot to give and I encourage my children to know their grandparents for that reason.
I hope my children encourage their children to hang out with their parents.
@xianshuixyz (91)
• China
26 Feb 09
Hi, Pose, what a good topic you brought to us, i am completely agreed with you. Actually i come from an eastern country where there is a traditional culture that the elderly should be respected, but even in our country, the phenomena you mentioned exists more or less in modern times, which seemed totally wrong and would be blamed in the old times. People especially the new generation in modern times always think the elderly are out of this information times and the viewpoint of the elderly seems too old and useless. But i think the elderly should surely be respected, they contributed a lot for bringing us up, they are experienced and hold some wisdom which the youngers can't even imagined, we can learn a lot from them.hope the consciousness of the society will become better and the elderly will be respected more.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
28 Feb 09
Hi xianshuixyz, Thank you for commenting and I understand that the Eastern cultures have always been better in this way, I'm sad to hear that it is starting to change.While the elderly may not have knowledge of the new gadgets that people have today, they have a lot of life experience and should be respected for that. We can learn a great deal about life if we are willing to listen. Blessings.
@cvrajan (354)
• India
24 Feb 09
I am 52. I am old enough to be "respected" I suppose! But I have slightly different view. I would rather be liked (or loved) than be respected. I feel happy if a college going boy comes and talks to me casually rather than too respectfully. I feel elated if little children consider me one among their group in their plays.
As for teaching children to respect elders, Yes, I agree. The natural human tendency is to respect strangers and not-so-close elders than own and close grand parents and parents at home. It is again natural. Familiarity breeds contempt. Elder's egotism, demand of respect, tendency to interfere and offer advice unasked -- all these are detested by the subsequent generations. It has been so and it will be so.
Elders, by virtue of their maturity, joviality, wisdom, detachment and dispassion should command respect rather than demand respect without these qualities.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Feb 09
Hi cvrajan, Thank you for commenting and I agree with you.I was thinking of those who have retired and are living in nursing homes. Often their families ignore them and I believe that to be very sad. Certainly it is good to be respected at any age but at your age it would be better tobe liked as a friend. Blessings.
