Your child is not perfect!

@lilybug (21145)
United States
July 12, 2009 8:55pm CST
Have you ever had the issue with someone that their kid does things that are inappropriate or even mean and they make excuses for their child or try to blame the problem on YOUR child? Then when they are talking to someone else they make it seem like their child is perfect and can do no wrong?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@ersmommy1 (12596)
• United States
16 Jul 09
No child is perfect you are correct! Every child has done mean and inappropriate things to another child. Even yours I am sure. Siblings do it, friends too. My advice if the kids in question are between the ages of 4-14 let it pass. At a certain age kids have to work it out themselves. Were these kids supervised? Did you yourself see the particular offense? If so, then you are perfectly within your right to cry a complete foul. If though the kids were on their own and no adult in question actually saw what was going on, seems best to agree to disagree than to damage a relationship. In my experience most kids have to be pushed to do or say something they know they shouldn't. I don't care who the parent is no one wants to hear that the child they love has been wrong. Certainly not me, I am sure not you, and my guess would be the people in question either. I wonder, if there might be a reason blame was placed on your kid? Maybe your child is older? Maybe they are jealous? Perhaps they don't have as nice a life as you, have to struggle more, job problems, whatever ( this being my first discussion, I am playing devils advocate here) Perhaps the parents that are placing blame tend to ignore the child, let them be a free range kid. Then when something comes up tend to strike. Guess you will need to figure out if these people are the kind of people that are good enough to hang onto as friends. Have they been there for you? Does your kid still talk about this child as a friend, want to see them? Kids tend to rebound quickly and parents can hold the grudge when kids are ready to move on. I have a parent that did that and I lost a good friend. I was only 11 but I remember it well. Still wish that was a bridge my parent hadn't burned. Won't get into too much detail. I have friends here, don't want anything getting back to family. That would just be a hurtful MESS, lol Neither of my kids is old enough to have been in such a situation as yet. Guess I should count myself lucky. Thank you for posting such a provoking discussion.
@ersmommy1 (12596)
• United States
16 Jul 09
oops meant to say not my 1st discussion here big typo.
@kavikent (57)
• India
19 Jul 09
No child is perfect. In fact, no person in this is Perfect and children, more so. Especially, as they are still in their formative years. Parents need to realize this and support their children to correct their mistakes and lead a happy and healthy life. there is no point in supporting your child when it is doing wrong just to save yourself from embrassment. Think of the Long term implications of this action and you are better off gently reprimanding your child and showing him the correct path to follow.
@AmbiePam (51158)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Oh man, you reminded me of two sets of mothers when I was growing up. I was the preacher's daughter, so although my parents never told me to act any different, I knew I better keep my mouth shut. I was supposed to be an 'example', and I never wanted to cause my parents any trouble. It's sad that there are always pockets of people in churches who delight in making life difficult for others. Anyway, these two different mothers had two daughters my age. Oh man! Every time they didn't get a part in a church play and I did, it was MY fault because I was favored. In fact, it had to do with I could actually memorize lines. We also went to the same Christian school for many years. Whenever we got into trouble for something as a group of they got into trouble as individuals, I was pointed to as the ring leader by the other two girls. Even if I had nothing to do with what they did. Their mothers would gang up and tell my mom it HAD to have been me because their daughters would never take the lead in anything that could get them into trouble.
• United States
16 Jul 09
That would be the nice thing about my life. My best friends who have children provide twelve friends for my daughter. With the classmate down the street and his son, that's fourteen. With our next door neighbor, that makes fifteen kids. Then there is her cousin, that makes sixteen kids which my child has as friends and can play with without the need for my oversight or supervision. I like that. My daughter is far more social and outgoing than I was at her age. Of course, she has going for her a few things that I did not... but I might sound bitter if I go into that so I won't. Most people that I know are rational enough to understand that no child is perfect. When things happen, it is usually a balance of factors. The child's age and development. The child's social skills. The parent's supervision. And, in addition to this, situational contributing factors. I would not say that my child has a perfect unbroken record. But, all and all, I have enough positive responses to my child.. I know she is a good kid and well received. Their are children that my daughter has friction with. In the past, I had to solve this by providing oversight. That is, the kids were not to be alone. The kids were to be watched on a webcam as they played. I was to be present when they were playing together. Of course, it doesn't mean that one kid is good and one kid is bad.. life is more complicated than that. However, the need to provide oversight so disagreements do not arise is the anomaly instead of the rule. Perfection is far from possible in a young child. I do not find profit, however, in pretending that my child can do no wrong. Nor can I find profit in trying to explain what the other party might have done which was not exactly angelic. Such introspection is only of value if the parents of the other child are interested in hearing your point of view. So, while there is a tendency to stand up for your child.. I try to avoid excess drama. There is no need to articulate every single point. I can with confidence say that my child has a demonstrated track record of a good child. (With hurdles every once in a while, as all kids will.) The opinions of all the parents and children with whom she interacts is important. In this case, the friction that develops with a few children does allow me to talk to my daughter about how to appropriately handle such frustrations. Just recently, I was talking to her about her behavior. I explained to her that if she is getting frustrated with a child, she should separate herself from them. I have even allowed that she can say, "So-and-so is instigating trouble." In other areas, I have explained the value in not needing to be friends with people who do not feel inclined to be friendly. I have explained to her anyone who says, "I won't be your friend unless you do x or don't do y" cannot be her friend. And I had to talk to her about people who act differently around different people. Essentially, they aren't your friend and you can't treat them as such. Of course, my daughter is my own daughter and shares my temperament. As a child, I got frustrated and angry easily. It is because of this that I understand her mind and where she is coming from. I will not judge her overly critically, for this is not helpful. I will guide, direct, and encourage her to learn a degree of self-control which I, unfortunately, had to teach myself as a child.
• United States
14 Jul 09
yes and the only thing you can do is try to keep the kids apart for a minuet and let things settle down and then talk to the other parent about how yours or there kid/kids are acting towards each other.try to sit down with the other parents and discuss in a calmly matter. and try to see if there is a solution to the problem with out starting another problem.
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
13 Jul 09
No child is perfect regardless of what the parent thinks about them.
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
13 Jul 09
No, never, have I gone to that extreme. All children are not equal. and even if I see some defect in some other's child it would be too rude to tell them that their child is a sort of inferior.
@jaiho2009 (38989)
• Philippines
13 Jul 09
There are parents who consented their kids even if it is their kids wrong.It does happen with me too my friend,but i never gave it an issue.What i did is to talk with my son and told him to avoid our neighbor's kid,i guess that's the only way to avoid more bad things to happen between us and our neighbor.
• Canada
13 Jul 09
I can see making excuses for their behavior as them maybe being embarrassed. But, blaming their childs bad behavior on your child is not cool.
@momz2gd (295)
• United States
13 Jul 09
I know what you mean it happens to me all of time. The parents of the other child say " he's been sick or he is having a difficult time" I am also tired of it.