being declined

@dawnald (84201)
Shingle Springs, California
July 13, 2009 1:23pm CST
Flipping this around... You see a lot of discussions here about why people decline friends requests, why they accept them, whether they accept all or only some, yada yada. But what if you send one and you are declined? Do you even notice? Do you try for a second chance? Do you just shrug it off and forget about it? Do you go and neg every discussion that person has ever started or replied to? (fat chance anybody will admit to that last one lol) Do you keep replying to their discussions hoping they'll notice how wonderful you are? Do you "out" the person? Do you avoid their discussions forevermore? Does it hurt just a tiny little bit? Am I silly?
9 people like this
27 responses
@zed_k4 (17622)
• Singapore
14 Jul 09
I wouldn't request again, if this happens. It means that that person is not really interested to add me in the friend list and that's quite cool, really. We can't expect everyone to be wanting to accept our friend request. I'm taking generally over the years on different networking sites I've joined and have been so far. What I don't understand are pending requests, that are just left. I see in Facebook for close to a month 'awaiting confirmation'. I don't mind to be rejected than the notification showing like that. Makes me wonder, ha..
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Yes it does make me wonder when people leave them pending. Hm, now that might make a discussion. lol
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17622)
• Singapore
14 Jul 09
LOL .. feel free to. I would love to read what the answers might be..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
I'm way ahead of you! I did it this morning...
1 person likes this
@mel13088 (265)
• United States
13 Jul 09
I haven't been a member on here for very long. But if someone turns down my friend request on facebook, I just shrug it off. At the same time, when I've declined a friend request, I never get more requests from the same person. It's always just left at one request and that is it.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
my policy too, let it go...
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2739)
• Canada
13 Jul 09
I definitely notice and it does bother me a little but that's as far as it goes. Kinda the feeling of 'what's wrong with me? Why don't you want to be my friend!' but I don't take it that seriously. I will keep replying to their discussions if I come across them and they interest me but I would not request again. I figure that if they declined me there must be a reason so no sense in pushing the (non) issue.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
sounds about right to me...
@tdemex (3545)
• United States
13 Jul 09
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
oh yeah?
@tdemex (3545)
• United States
13 Jul 09
I used to accept all friends requests, this was a while back and had no problems! But lately Mylot has changed! The newbies use more text in their posts, they keep sending links to promo their agenda, and they hurry around starting meaningless posts, some downright stupid and a lot of them just quit! So I've changed my values on who I accept as a friend, and I still end up deleting them after a day or two! Sorry but the new Mylot isn't as fun as it used to be! tdemex
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
It's still fun! You just have to hang out with the right crowd....
1 person likes this
@tdemex (3545)
• United States
13 Jul 09
I've been around the "right crowd" and their fun sometimes, but I guess I'm more of a loner. The reason I do it the way I do is my home page I sat up has discussions my friends have started, when I get the newbies it get cluttered with junk! LOL! I do have a few special friends I like to follow! Good Discussion! T----
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
Well I'm a bit of a loner myself, so I understand that... And yep, there is a lot of junk cluttering things up. How many times can you respond to "what's your favorite song?"
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
13 Jul 09
It does not bother me I am very particular now who I accept after what happened last Year If someone declines me it does not bother me I request and not think about it after that I don't understand it when People request me that they have not even responded to any of my Discussions so why request me
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
And I meet standards? Kewl...
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
13 Jul 09
Lol of course you do always have lol actually top standards
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Well so do you!
@debrakcarey (19921)
• United States
13 Jul 09
Well, I just love everybody...lol. Seriously...I accept all requests and when or if they act unfriendly...I delete them. It takes alot to make me do that...rarely happens. If I asked for someone to add me....and they decline, I would ask them why. Who knows? perhaps they misunderstood something I said or did and it can be cleared up easily. If they still decline...yes, then I am hurt. And no, you are not silly...well, just a little. :)
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
You'd have to ask them publicly in a discussion though. You can't PM or comment somebody here unless you're friends.
@debrakcarey (19921)
• United States
14 Jul 09
you know me.....lol !!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
I sent one friend request that's still pending, but i know why. The member has been inactive for some months now because of an illness. It's not a big deal anyway because i know him personally. He is a family friend. In my first four months here i accepted all the requests that were sent to me but when i received one from a new member with not even a single post and who was made point of discussions a month ago that was when i started really looking into the profiles of members who requests me, when i have not bumped into them yet in even a single discussion or we just don't have a common interest. I am glad that i receive requests because i feel i first have to earn their trust to be really deserving of their friendship before i add them. And if it ever happens that my request be declined i'm sure they have their reasons for turning me down. I will still continue responding to their discussions whenever i have something to contribute but i may not have enough guts to request for their friendship again.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Jul 09
Yes, i think you're silly, Dawn! Well, i am silly, too that's why i keep responding to your discussions!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Yep I'm silly. All too true!
• India
13 Jul 09
Well Pal, If anyone turns down my friend request, I wouldn't juz bother about it. Come on it's their choice you just asked. Why nag them all the time or stalk them!! Thats really very mean or should i say a spoiled kid throwing out a tantrum, It's juz not mature!. Juz keep doing what you are doing and someday they'll definitely know that they did miss a great pal!! Then you are gonna get their friend request!!! Howz that! Cheers and Happy My lotting.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
You're right about the stalking. Ultimately it's their choice and If they don't want to be friends with you, there are plenty of other people who will!
• India
13 Jul 09
Exactly!!! They will be the biggest losers not you!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
14 Jul 09
I will still answer their posts. I am not vindictive. I just know that there are some people whose philosophy I do not agree with, so with them it is best to stick to safe subject, but to stay away from controversy. AS for not being vindictive, I know that there are some people who are and will tell you in no uncertain terms that you are the most horrible person on this planet, you hate cats, am a racist, was born rich, etc. and throw in a few words that are just barely making it into decency yet are really obscene. I would not neg any discussion that person made, just the ones that are obscene, and that myLot would remove anyway. I would be also glad that they did decline me because with friends like that, who needs enemies. If they made an error, and they are a nice person, I would wonder and I would try to make them see what I am really like and those rumors about me are untrue. In fact, they may later on request that I be their friend.
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
I don't decline anybody, but I can always delete!
• United States
14 Jul 09
Anyone who has seen me in a discussion on here know I got a big mouth, errr, whatever! And I tend to say things that I think are right a lot. So I am not surprized by the fact that not a lot of people send my friend requests! I am sometimes brutally honest. I don't send many friend requests not even on myspace, or facebook. Mostly cause the people who Iwas already friends with beat me to it. But if someone declines me it's no big deal... I don't see any point to worrying or being hurt over a computer networking site or whatever! My advice don't let it bother you! If they can't or don't want to see the beautiful person we are on the inside we don't need them either!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
14 Jul 09
I hon3estly do not know if it would hurt or not as I have never been declined. In fact it was only when starting out that I asked for friendship for about 8 weeks or so. Would it hurt? Of course it would hurt. Do you think that I am thick skinned or something?[em]lol[/em] would I do anything about it like rating them negative? Nah! No time for games like that. would I still respond to one of their posts? Probably if it iwas interesting but I would not actively seek them out as I lknow that I am an o.k person A(a bit wacky, but o.k.) so they have missed out on having a loyal, even in a sometimes confused, friend.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Most definitely they would have missed out!
@katsmeow1213 (28895)
• United States
14 Jul 09
I would probably have to say I don't normally notice if someone doesn't accept my friend request... but that being said, I don't send a whole lot of friend requests. I used to, back when I first joined. I wanted to have more than half of Mylot of my friends, I figured more friends, more money. But you know how it is, you have people who start discussions you'd never in your dreams respond to, they never respond to yours, etc etc. So now I keep my list down to a minimum... not bare minimum mind you, I still have quite a few on there I could probably remove, but I only send requests now when I've seen the person around a lot.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Ja me too, seen the person around, like their discussions, etc. And I have a lot I could clean up too, lot of accounts not even active any more.
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
14 Jul 09
I had someone decline me recently and it did make me wonder why. I wasn't really hurt because I don't think it was me, personally that he declined...at least I hope not. For me it was a genuine request because I have noticed this person in one of my friend's discussions nearly all the time and I like what he has to say. Every time I read his responses now I feel a little sad (very little) that he rejected me.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
I had the same thing with somebody who's a regular on several of my friends' discussions.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Oh goodness. I never thought of this too much. I'll accept a friend request willingly. I'll request to be a friend if I find that person's profile is interesting. But if I am being declined, chances are, I'll forget about it even before I can remember to shrug that person off. LOL. I respond to discussion not based on who started them but how interesting that particular discussion is. But of course, if I like them, I'll pay more attention to their discussions. I don't OUT that person, whatever that means! Haha..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Oh over on Yuwie when it was new especially, the culture was to add as many people as possible and one guy had a blog up about people who decline requests and he was actually asking people for their links so that he could tell everybody who they were. That's Outing them...
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Nope. Once bitten twice shy. Once rejected I'll never give a thought about it anymore. I feel hurt when my request is rejected. Sometimes when I see an active person here with good discussions I wish that person is in my circle of friends but dare not request for friendship as I fear I end up frustrated when the request is rejected. So I remain neutral but would response to any discussions that crosses my path regardless whether they are my friends or not. They are members here who are on a 'hit and run' and would disappear after leaving ugly remarks to your discussions. That person should be avoided at all cost.
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Yep, no hit and runs. They aren't bound to make good friends anyway!
• United States
14 Jul 09
Definately silly!! lol I dont get too upset over it...it doesnt happen a lot but it has happened a few times....i figure they had their reason whatever it was and so be it...i dont take it personally because they dont even know anything about ME so if they declined me then its their problem....of course if i requested someone i already know like say people i see on here from yuwie...and they declined me i might take that a little personally...but i'd get over it... I definately wouldnt put any effort into following them around negging them...nor would i avoid them.....
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
No stalking, no silent treatment. got it. lol
@neildc (17250)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
14 Jul 09
dear dawnald, for me, friend request is not that important. if somebody request me, i just check the person his/her location and that's it. i never decline a request. if i do the request and get declined, it's okay and it's fine with me. but with a lot of friends and new members coming in, i cannot pin-point which discussion started by the member who declined me, so i just give my response, so be it. i am not telling friendship is not important. i love having lots of friends here. but i guess they just have some reasons for not accepting friend requests. neil
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
Yep, I'm sure they do!
• United States
14 Jul 09
If a person requests me as a friend I will add them because they took the time to at least request me and then I believe everyone should get a chance to be friends with someone. If I request someone and they decline I usually think nothing of it and I just move on since they probably have a reason to do so.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
they probably do, in my case maybe they just don't like purple.... :-)
@GardenGerty (125474)
• United States
14 Jul 09
Thanks for the rmeinder to look. I have had some that just sat pending forever. It is okay. I go in eventually and delete them. I have never been declined. If I were to be declined it would be okay.I guess I am not too worked up about it.
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jul 09
You mean I don't have to get worked up about it? Just kidding...
• United States
13 Jul 09
Hi there, Generally, I accept all requests. However, if someone denies my request, I just shrug it off. Maybe they hit wrong button or are not interested. I don't force them. There's plenty of ppl on here to worry about a few select ones. I'm sure they their reasons.
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jul 09
Yep, they have their reasons and plenty of other nice people who are interested!