What keeps us having the same mistakes in a relationship?

Well, first I'd like to start with the disclaimer that most of this is before I met my fiance, who has managed to break a bunch of my patterns. But I think the biggest thing that kept me making the same mistakes in relationships was that I kept dating the same type of person. There's a quality of roughness and nonchalance that I find really attractive, but it's a really fine line between that and abusive. With my fiance, however, she's the perfect balance. Now I find myself glad that I went through all those terrible relationships because I'm a totally different person with her than I've ever been with a girlfriend, because I did learn from all those losers. Not that I'm perfect, or that our relationship is perfect, but we've both clearly learned enough from our exes to keep from destroying what we have. Also, when we first started dating, it was with the understanding that we were both terrible at relationships and if one of us did something really horrible, we would talk about it, which we do, for the most part.

I have seen with women that their tolerance levels are quite higher than men. In India, women tolerate a lot of nonsense, chauvinism from men. I feel some women in fact like it. There are two types of mistakes that typically happen in a relationship. First are habitual and second are because of the "nature" of the person. Habits can be changed and manipulated, but "nature" of the person is what defined the person and very rarely change or can be manipulated. So first identify what type of mistake it is, that would solve half of the problem. Now what I mean by these two types is that clumsiness, untidiness, or ignorant behaviour are more from your habits than your nature. No1 complained to you or pointed out to you that "dude you are very unclean and untidy" so you continue with that habit. Same way the habit of postponing things can lead to really annoying mistakes. However, if a person is selfish, it is rarely changed. You either choose to ignore mistakes or issues related to the person's selfishness or choose other options. Also, what I believe is "fear" is what keeps us ignoring mistakes. The fear is of losing all the other good things which we have in that relationship because of just that mistake. This is where you start weighing the severity of the mistake against the sacrifice you will have to make if you confront your partner about the mistake. Most of the times you weigh your good things more than the mistake and wheel starts turning :)

Well I've never really been too serious about anyone before. I had other things - friends, family, school, etc. when I was younger to keep me from being serious and committed with one guy. So the one "mistake" that I kept on making at the time was a lot of them would get too serious and a little bit possessive. At that point I would break up with them just because I feel like I'm being smothered. About a year and a half ago, I finally met my match! Hahahahaha - well, actaully. I don't know. We started dating - and soon, I just feel like this is IT. I'm fairly serious with this guy. When I see the future - I see him next to me. *shrugs* I'm in love. And the good thing about him - he doesn't smother me. Though sometimes I feel like I'm smothering him. =/