Back to school - Part 1 - Raising teens :-)

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I titled this with "Part 1" because I have two children. My daughter began her Junior year in high school this past Monday. My son will begin his 8th grade year this coming Monday. Most likely I will write Part 2 after he has gone back to school. My daughter was looking forward to going back to school. It seemed like she couldn't wait. Up until about one or two days before school started, then she did say something about summer going by too fast and not having done as much as past summers. Normally she plays softball all summer long, but because she has some pain in her shoulder, she had to spend a couple months doing physical therapy and she was not able to play in any tournaments. My opinion is that it was a blessing in disguise. She's been playing since she was 9 years old and she plans to play in college, so she has many years ahead of her. She needed the break. Other than a little bit of regret about the summer being gone, I think she is pretty happy being back in school. She is a very social creature. She is enjoy being back in contact with her friends. Once again, she has found a "boy" who she is "talking to" on a regular basis. He lives near bye and he has actually driven her to school a couple times this week. As a parent, I have some concerns about that, but I try not to be overly cynical. Sometimes I think I imagine the worst when I shouldn't. My junior year in high-school a male friend drove me to school every day. He was a kid from around the block and we went to elementary and junior high together. That friendship always remained platonic. He had a car. I didn't. It saved my parents having to drive me to school or me having to take a bus. When her brother begins school I will have to drive past her school in order to get to his, but he does start an hour later than she does. But I do volunteer at the school in the mornings (at the school store) so I have to be there early anyway. We will take this "ride to school" thing one day at a time. IF her friendship with this boy follows the usual pattern, they will begin to have a crush on each other, then they might become boyfriend/girlfriend, then it might fizzle out and they will stop talking to each other and getting a ride to school with him will stop being an option. Funny, the topic is "Back to school" and I still haven't said anything about classes or academics... I'll start on that now. Her school is really good about staying in touch with parents through the Internet. As most schools now, parents can check on their child's progress through a web site where the teachers post their student's grades etc. She has trigonometry this year. He teacher seems to be especially good about staying in touch with students/parents. He has already sent out 2-3 e-mails. It's a private school, so we have to purchase the books for our children. Our finances are pretty strained, so I ended up ordering the books at the last minute. She has received a few books, but she has not received her Trig book yet. The first e-mail was to all the parents of students who do not have their books yet. I am hoping we will receive her book today (Friday). We tracked it two days ago and it was said to be in "Orlando,FL". That was Wednesday. What I am trying to figure out and what I have been trying to figure out for the past several years...is how much do we involve ourselves in our children's choices and at what point to we start backing off. My daughter is a smart girl, but since the 6th grade she has not wanted to truly apply herself to doing well in school. It seems that she does just enough to get by. She is lucky in that she does have athletic talent and she already has a scholarship offer for college, but I still worry that she isn't doing as well in school as she should. I have tried to stay involved and encourage her to make sure she does all her assignments, but she has a history of telling me she has done all her homework, but then we find out from her teacher that she has NOT turned in all her assignments. She becomes annoyed when constantly asked about her work and starts to resent it. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I am going to have to let her make her own choices and start learning from the consequences of her actions. It's a scary prospect, because is she truly messes up, it could mess up her future. But I do have faith that regardless of how things turn out, she will land on her feet. For right now, I've decided to continue to communicate with her, but not to push too hard in trying to make her do what I think is right. Some kids just need to figure things out on their own. Sometimes we even continue that type of "learning" through adulthood. I know even now, as an adult, I hate it when people try to tell me what I "should do". When I want someone's advice, I ask for it. And that is RARE. Normally I learn things either by observing other people and seeing what their outcomes are, or I learn by trial and error. How do you handle things with your teens? Do you insist that they follow your rules and follow through on homework etc at school, or do you allow them room to make mistakes and learn from the outcome?