Such an embarrassing issue.
By MsTickle
@MsTickle (25180)
Australia
December 7, 2009 5:42am CST
This is quite difficult to talk about. I would have thought by now that it would be easier but it's not...people do not discuss incontinence. No-one I know has ever said they experienced it and yet, I know I'm not alone. 
Having said that, I have a question for the older guys. Say you're single and you meet a lady and as things progress and you're getting to know each other and lamenting each other's health issues, she tells you she is incontinent. How would you react?
The fact is, I have to wear a pad all the time, day and night. It's hardly conducive to things becoming romantic and I just don't know how to handle this. I'm embarrassed about it and I know it makes me feel uncomfortable sexually as well as embarrassed, unattractive, messy and so on.
Yeah, I met someone and he's nice, cute, tall, blue eyed and I fancy him.
Not saying anything WILL happen but it's got me to thinking.
If you think I'm being pathetic and want to tell me to get over it, that won't help. I'm looking for sensitivity as well as advice here...how do I tell him, when do I tell him, what do I say and how do I keep a romantic situation romantic?
Having said that, I have a question for the older guys. Say you're single and you meet a lady and as things progress and you're getting to know each other and lamenting each other's health issues, she tells you she is incontinent. How would you react?
The fact is, I have to wear a pad all the time, day and night. It's hardly conducive to things becoming romantic and I just don't know how to handle this. I'm embarrassed about it and I know it makes me feel uncomfortable sexually as well as embarrassed, unattractive, messy and so on.
Yeah, I met someone and he's nice, cute, tall, blue eyed and I fancy him. Not saying anything WILL happen but it's got me to thinking.
If you think I'm being pathetic and want to tell me to get over it, that won't help. I'm looking for sensitivity as well as advice here...how do I tell him, when do I tell him, what do I say and how do I keep a romantic situation romantic?6 people like this
15 responses
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Dec 09
Ah yes, the embarrassing side of getting older. lol
All I can say is that honesty is the best policy and that if he can't handle it, he wasn't the right person. Or are there possible medical solutions that could be pursued first?
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
7 Dec 09
Thats a good question and am not sure what that word means but I think I get the drift of it.
And ya might want to tell him before it gets to the feeling stage.
FOr then he will be sure to find out.
I just dont know what to tell you on how to handle this as I have not had the problem and its hard to give advice on something you havent done.
Good Luck!
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12644)
• United States
8 Dec 09
Hello my Pink smiling friend. I read some of your resonses and don't have any geat advice to add. I mostly wanted to stop by and say hi, also good luck wit how you andle this issue. It will all work out. Its is nice when you meet someone new. recently I met someone, we dated and even did the hanky panky. That was a big step for me, I had been with my hubby for almost 27 yrs, and he has been gone now for almost 4 yrs. It all came natural, it will for you too if you get that far. Just relax, your problem won't matter.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12644)
• United States
10 Dec 09
Never say never, you never know. Hopefully someone special comes along just right for you. As for me, I'm not seeing my fellow anymore. It was fun and exciting while it lasted. It was nice feeling desirable again. I am hoping that someday I will meet someone special again. Its nice to have someone to cuddle with, someone to be close too. Your never too old for romance.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Dec 09
Hi Polly, it's always nice to see you here too. You're such a genuinely friendly lady. I won't be pursuing anything I've decided. I think it's best just to not let my imagination play tricks on me. Are you still seeing the guy you met? I don't think I can be hassled with all the involvement but you're right, it's nice to meet someone new. I'm affectionate by nature and miss those hugs and kisses that are wonderful at the beginning...for me though, it's been my experience that it's all down the gurgler from there. 
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66005)
• Italy
7 Dec 09
As time goes by you will get to know each other closer and talk about more personal issues and there will come a 'right' time for this to be aired too.
Have you ever wondered that he might have something similar that he is also worrying about not knowing how to tell you too?
I am really happy for you and hope that everything will work out for you both and, I don't want to be frivolous as I can imagine how much this situation is concerning you but may I just say that I don't think a leak is going to ruin a good thing for you! If you have a good thing going it will get round this obstacle when the time is right! Good luck!
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
7 Dec 09
You are right of course. I actually don't have a problem talking about it except for worrying that I will embarrass others. I look and see that I have not had too many responses here and that shows me that I'm right. I'm a get things off my chest, put my cards on the table kind of gal but I'm also aware of others feelings.
I actually just met the guy...it got me thinking is all. Thanks my friend.
2 people like this
@mysdianait (66005)
• Italy
7 Dec 09
I feel that if anything is going to move on further with this friend then you will both be on the same wavelength and you will have no problems when the time comes 
Good luck and keep us informed!
Good luck and keep us informed!
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
8 Dec 09
Hi there MsTickle, I understand your delicate situation there. I think I go with the others too, that you have to be frank with him, but in your due time; one at a time and in a relaxed manner. Just say it as though that isn't a problem to you at all, and it's just part of who you are. If he likes you as a friend and would want to get to know you more, he would let this small issue slide him totally. The only thing is to brace yourself for his action; whether he is a nice guy after all, or just a meek at discovering issues like this. I certainly think that no one is perfect and that's really a no problem. Communicate with him in your due time, aite..whenever you are ready.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
8 Dec 09
Thanks zed. I think I will heed your advice....in due time sounds like a good idea. I'm probably letting my imagination run away with me but it feels nice. He saw a photo of me taken about 15 years ago and commented what a "good sort" I was. In Australia, that's a huge compliment. It did wonders for my self esteem.
It did wonders for my self esteem.1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
8 Dec 09
Hi MsTickle, I know how you feel, believe me~ I have a similar
problem. Don't let this "problem" stop you from moving on and
enjoying your life, especially your "new man"! I wear pantiliners
for my "little problem" and I live with my boyfriend now for
2 years! And he even gets me them from the store!lol If you and
your "new friend" ever get to "that point" and you aren't ready
or comfortable to discuss this "problem" then there are ways
around it. If you would feel more comfortable discussing this
in private email me opal2626@yahoo.com and I will discuss this
with you personally and privately!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
8 Dec 09
That is a difficult one I have to be honest as I would be embarrassed to about something like that
But I would leave it a little while before telling him, wait and see how things go get to know him and then break it to him and if he likes you he will stay Friends with you, that is how I see it
It is not your fault that you have this
Sorry I can't come up with better then this but I know I would not say anything and I would stay away from Men but that is me, it does not mean you have to be the same that is just me
@34momma (13882)
• United States
7 Dec 09
the best way to tell someone something like this, is to just tell them. to me being honest is always the best way to go. i don't know much about this issue you have, however i would assume it can bee a bit much to deal with. but if you are honest with him, then i think he would respect that. and you would feel better you got it off your chest.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
8 Dec 09
you will figure out the how, when you make a choice to tell him so. when a person really cares for you, things like this are not even important to them. have faith that it will work out for you. and if he freaks out, then he is not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway
@slickcut (8140)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Oh Ms Tickle,this is such a commom problem and almost all the people of a certain age has this problem including men....my daughter is only 39 years old and she will pee when she sneezes or laughs hard..My Mom had it ...any man in your age group probably would not think anything about it, its such a common thing...As we age or have children it weakens the bladder..There is a pill you can get from the doctor that might help if its really bad..I remember my Mom had that bladder thing done where they tack your bladder up, it really does not work that well..Its just a part of the aging process & nothing to be ashamed of...My daughter just laughs about it, makes a big joke of it..If you just have some leakage its normal, but if you have a serious problem see your doctor...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Dec 09
It's not the leaking so much as the pad. What if things are getting hot and heavy, what to do with it? Going to the bathroom to remove it could break and spoil the moment...I know it would for me. Then what if I'm not at home, what do I do with the pad? I have the means of disposal at home but what if I'm at the guy's house?
I've actually decided to give it a miss. The idea of a romance occurring is very nice but in the long run I think I'm better off by myself.
@Grandmaof2 (7578)
• Canada
8 Dec 09
Oh MsTickle just tell him your water works has a leak and it's embarrassding to say the least. I believe in honesty all the way but because I'm a person to use humor knowing me I's say something like, I need to tell you something that is bothering me and there's no eazy out, my water works leaks and washers aren't the answer. Now in your case and the lady like way would be more like. I enjoy your company and our visits and look forward to being able to share my secrets. I have a health issue I'd like you to be aware of in case we're out some place and if you suspect I do a lot of bathroom running I need you to know I have a bit of a problem with incontinence. Hopefully he'll know what that means and if not go with leaky water works. It's all good and you know what if he's at all interested in you it isn't going to be much of an issue. Good Luck dear friend.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
8 Dec 09
I'm a humour gal too Grandma....I'll definitely use the "leaky waterworks", he will hopefully understand what I'm talking about. I wear a pad day and night so I'll need to say something if things go that way...it's early days yet and I'm just thinking ahead...you know..."what if....??" Stripping off the gear to reveal panties with a pad is not very romantic in my mind.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Dec 09
hi MsTickle well as an elderly female senior citizen, my roommate has that problem but she wears the cutest frilly pink an white panties that are waterproof but they do not look like the usuall wet protector panties. I was just wondering if you could find some of these maybe you would not have to really say anything to him about your incontinence. I mean if things heat up and he sees you in your undies you will just look like you are wearing really girlie cute panties. I know my best friend Nelda who is nine years younger than me has the same problem and she wears protection stuff too. Her doctor put her on detrol and it helped some but she still keeps on protection as she is also incontinent too. I sure do not think you are being pathetic , you have right to love someone and be loved so you need to know how to handle it. well next time you two start talk about health sort of work in the problem of incontinence, men too have it at times, and just be gently frank. if he really cares for you he will be able to handle it I am sure.
1 person likes this
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
7 Dec 09
Hi MsTickle
Dear don't be ashamed of what you have. If you think that this relationship just might go somewhere then I suggest that you tell him right away. Not that this would happen but if he cant deal with that then it gives you a fair chance to get over him before you start to have feelings for him. Be prepared he just might have several questions for you. Have the answers for him..
On the flip side like the others here have said I think you might find some meds that help control the problem to some degree. I know that my sister has this problem, and she has meds that she takes now to help control the over flow.
Good luck dear and I wish you the best.
Keep smiling.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
7 Dec 09
Hello rose...I'm not ashamed but I don't want to be embarrassed or to embarrass him either....not that I'm planning anything with this guy...it just got me to thinking.
I'm interested to see that you have said 'tell him now' and others have said 'wait'.
If I tell him straight away, he might run away and then we could miss out on the fun of getting to know each other better. We spent a great couple of hours together yesterday at our first meeting.
I didn't know about the meds. Someone sent me a link saying there was heaps of stuff for this complaint on store shelves but this is not the case in Australia. I will look into this further...going shopping tomorrow so I will talk to my lovely chemist guy.
@rosepedal64 (4188)
• United States
7 Dec 09
Good going girl. You just might find some meds to help. I wish you luck all the way around.
Have a great day and keep smiling.
1 person likes this
@sleepylittlerose (1648)
• United States
7 Dec 09
First off congrats on finding someone special in your life. As for your issue have you considered seaking medical attention for it? I have heard that there are some medications that can help reduce incontinence and there are also exercise that can be done to strengthen muscles that will also reduce it. If neither of these are a posibility then do not worry about confessing to this special person until things progress to the point that you feel comfortable talking to him about it or it becomes necessary for him to know. You will know when the time is right.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
7 Dec 09
I haven't actually "found someone special"...I just met a guy and he's okay and it started me thinking...that's all. I have no plans or intentions where he is concerned.
I wasn't aware there was medication...and the exercises have never worked for me. About 20 years ago, my doctor sent me to have a repair done but the stitches came out the day after and the surgeon wasn't interested in re-doing the op so here I am. I haven't sought medical attention recently. I'll add it to my list of concerns to ask my doctor.
I wasn't aware there was medication...and the exercises have never worked for me. About 20 years ago, my doctor sent me to have a repair done but the stitches came out the day after and the surgeon wasn't interested in re-doing the op so here I am. I haven't sought medical attention recently. I'll add it to my list of concerns to ask my doctor.
