Am I Coming Or Am I Going? Update....
By CatsandDogs
@CatsandDogs (13963)
United States
January 17, 2010 11:48pm CST
It seems as time goes on, I spend less and less time on the computer because I just don't have the time or energy. I hope and pray everyone understands that. I want to be here with you all but I just can't and I know too that you want an update every now and then, well, here's one. Today we had an awful scare! Mom has been dizzy for days now and she called the balance doctor and she talked to his son who is a doctor too and prescribed something in hopes will help and that if it doesn't then they'd keep trying other medicines till they find something that helps her. Well this morning, mom felt her throat and chest get really tight and she was numb from her neck down to her toes. She called the balance doctor and he said it sounded like a heart attack so go to the ER now. Mom decided to call her PCM and he said no, it didn't sound like a heart attack but an allergic reaction to the medicine that the balance doctor prescribed to her and he told her that most likely the reason the balance doctor said it could be a heart attack is to pawn her off of him and back to her regular PCM because they know there's nothing they can do for her and are wanting to be taken off of her case. Her PCM told her to take a half of xanax to calm down a bit and to lay down and rest for the rest of the day so that's what she's been doing. Now that it's hours later, she says her fingers and legs are tingling so that's a good thing because the medicine is working it's way out of her system. Hopefully by tomorrow, she'll feel better.
I swear, if I'm not snow white by the time mom or dad or both leave this world, it'll be a miracle!! They have me coming and going like no body's business!! My nerves are so shot. I feel like some sort of space cadet. I'd like to ask each of you to please pray for my sanity. I need to be strong but it's so hard. I see my parents failing more and more each day and yet, I'm only one person, my husband is only one person, meaning, we can only do so much. It's affecting my marriage in a huge way too. We fight and then we're able to talk but things are being said out of anger. I've learned my lesson many years ago to say what you feel but in a nice way because you never know when that person will be no more and now with so much on my shoulders or OUR shoulders, we're beating each other up with words. I'm lucky in the way that he's so forgiving and understanding BUT, that's to a point. It's so hard to explain and some of you know because you know the details. I'm so scared. I'm scared out of my mind!! I love my husband and I know he loves me but this fighting each other has got to stop.
10 people like this
13 responses
@GardenGerty (169439)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Please feel free to use this as a place to say "I am scared" or I am mad, and do not forget to hug each other a lot. I do not know what to say about the meds and the scare and so forth. There are certain symptoms that they automatically send you to ER because of even the slightest possibility of heart attack or stroke. Take some time now, and breathe deeply. Think about all the good things in your marriage. We will pray for you, you know that.
2 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
18 Jan 10
That is one thing of many things that I have loved about MyLot ... I have found it to be not only a great place to ask for other peoples advice, suggestions, etc but it is also a great place to get your feelings out in a non judgemental environment!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169439)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Yes, cats, we have followed along, with the ups and downs. That is part of why I encouraged you to print out the posts about the good days, so when things hit bottom again, you could go back and read them. You are having some very serious anxiety attacks, and the best we can do for you guys is to listen. You are doing what you have to do, but it would be nice if someone could offer you a little relief now and then.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Yes it would be, wouldn't it? But then again, my parents moved so "they" consider it their fault so I guess it's ok to punish me too. Maybe once they lose their sister after my parents are gone they'll realize what this has done to me? I honestly don't care about them anymore. How can I when it clearly shows that "they" don't give a crap about me. I'm not saying this to get attention or what not but damn it all, if it weren't for my fur babies and my husband, I'd be long gone by now. Never mind how. I just wonder how much more can I take. Just when I think it can't get any worse, it shows that it can. Hubby and I were on the same page and then it all changes and then works it's way back to being on the same page again. Even hubby said I'm getting it from all sides and apologies for his part and knows I'm doing the very best that I can and even that seems to not be good enough because there's always something else that needs doing. I can't keep up. My house shows that now. I'm so mentally and physically exhausted.
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
18 Jan 10
Hi Sweetie! You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this right now. Fighting with your spouse is never good, but if hurtful things are being said out of anger on top of it I can only imagine how bad that must make you feel. Please do keep us posted, and I hope things get better for you and your family soon!
2 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
18 Jan 10
I have read quite a bit and have a better understanding and I really am so sorry. You have SOOOOOO much on your plate, and your own health is being jeopardized as well. I really wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, and I apologize that I don't. If you need to talk I am always just a message away! Hugzz!
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
19 Jan 10
Your poor parents and you. All this happening at once.It is very stressful for you I know. My parents aren't that good, but not as bad as yours yet. I can understand how it is affecting your marriage, but I truly hope you and your husband can work through this.
My Lot is not your first priority, or even youe tenth. Just come on here when you can and use it as a kind of stress relief.
My best wishes to you, your husband and parents.
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
18 Jan 10
I know its rough - and he probably feels more than a little put upon by your parents, after all, they are related to you - not him...
Still, you have to give some, there is a point that its your marriage or your parents - tough call. I don't envy you having to do it and I don't know how to advise you since its never happened to me.
I do know that my folks at one point had dad's mom living with us and later mom's dad - but I was just a kid at the time.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
18 Jan 10
I know, Cats. And mylot will be here when things settle down - do pop in to let us know you are still alive (we do have to worry about things like that!)
I know in the last couple of years your mom has gone way down hill - so has my mom - but at least your mom can still talk to you - I miss talking to my mom - I've never been able to do much more than hold up my end of a conversation - and never been able to do a monologue - my brother and sister are much better at that stuff.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Hi Elic.... I've given all I can give and then some more. I'm at the point now that it's taking my sanity too. I'm not going to choose between either of them because I love them all but I will choose right from wrong and that's it. I cannot live with guilt. I'm trying my best to make them all happy and in doing so, I've run myself into the ground. It's pure hell. Nothing short of pure hell.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Jan 10
To be honest, I don't see it settling down any because mom just found out that she has brain damage which is the cause of her dizzy spells so she's going to be more down than she'll be up doing things. She and dad are failing so fast and it's scary even despite our "rocky" past. It depends on how you consider "talking" to my mom because she's not an easy one to talk to but doesn't mean I love her any less but she's very hard to talk to. She can be so nice and decent to me for days or even years and then all of the sudden she'll switch and treat me like I'm no better than the dirt on the floor. My brothers can say how they feel but I can't because I fear her. We've had some really turbulent times and some she's unable to let go or remember my explanations for why I did the things I did in the past and that hurts along with many other things she's done to me. She's even disowned me to my face and behind my back. Why do I keep going back for more? I don't know, maybe out of guilt? Maybe because I want forgiveness? Love? Acceptance? I don't know but I do know if I don't, I'll never be able to live with myself. I just cannot live with guilt.
BTW, thanks for your kind words about checking in every now and then. I will do that but it may be some time in between before I can so if you want my email address, please by all means, pm me and I'll give it to you so that way you can reach me one way or another. Thanks for caring!! It means a lot to me!!
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
28 Jan 10
What you are going through is definitely not easy and this is a trying time for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It's never easy to take care of ailing parents, and you are a very filial daughter and a good wife to your husband too. You have done more than enough, so do get your desired rest and even if no one recognizes your effort, you have done something and that's all that matters. Don't care about what others say and try to maintain a good posture standing with your husband. I know how both of you must be feeling right now; but at the same time helpless too. Be strong, my friend and only log in whenever you have the time. Keep us posted whenever, take care.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Cat, i'm sorry for yout troublesbut u are going to let your mom ruin your marriage if u are not careful. I know u don't want that to happen. He must be an awfully good man to have come this far w/u & your parents. I don't mean to hurt your feelings & i hope u know that but i don't think anything u do will help your mom. She's sick, she has had a stroke etc. If the doctors can't help her how do u think u can??I know she doesn't want to give her up home & u don't want to but the time comes when we have to do things we don't want to.I think it is time for you to look intoother possibilities where she can get professional help & u can have more of a normal life. Please don't take this as me being mean because i wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt u. People not in the middle of situations can stand back & see things u can't or want.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
20 Jan 10
Oh Cats, I am so sorry to hear that things are not good. You have to take some time for you and your husband. I am sure he understands, and a lot of his frustration is not being able to make things better for you. He needs his time too. You don't want this to ruin what you have. You have to keep the communication open.
I am afraid you are going to have to put your foot down to your parents. If they are getting worse, you really need to work on getting them closer to you, so that you can care for them better. I know they don't want to, but if not, they are going to have to find someone else to help them a bit. I love my parents, and would help them when I can, but there is no way that I could afford to drive all that way and spend all the time on the road. I will pray for your sanity, but it has went on too long and draining the heck out of the two of you.
It really sounds like getting them to move into a senior home or small apartment would help tremendously.
Feel free to let your frustrations out here and say just how you feel. We are not involved and will hurt no one. It is a good outlet. It is a sad situation, but you can not do it alone any longer. You have to find some help from somewhere.
Take one day at a time and deal only with today. That is the only way that I can stay sane.
@Katlady2 (9904)
• United States
19 Jan 10
I am most definitely praying for you honey. I wish I could be there for you to help you through everything. I know what you mean about the fighting taking a toll on everything too...I'm going through that myself. But that's a whole post by itself and I'm not ready to go there yet. Sending you lots of big warm hugs sweetie.
@blackbriar (9075)
• United States
18 Jan 10
It sounds like you and hubby really need to get away from it all, even for a weekend. Is there anyone who can help out at all? Stay there with your parents for a few days and/or nights while the 2 of you go to some B&B for much needed rest and relaxation?
Just wish I could help you out here, Cats. I've sent up prayers for all of you..to make peace between you and hubby, to your mom in helping to deal with what's happening to her, to your dad as well...
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
18 Jan 10
Hi, Catsand Dogs. I am so sorry that you are experiencing such a hard time with your life. I am also sorry about your mother.
I hope that she feels much better very soon! And I hope that you will not get so depressed over all of this too. Try to stay calm as much as possible. I will pray for your sanity. You need it to stay on top for yourself and your marriage as well. Just pray about this situation to God. And he will work it all out for you. That is what I will do, when I am faced with adversity. I will just silently pray to God about my sadness and pain. I will let him handle this the best way that he sees fit. Whatever he decides you know it for your own good. Please don't be scared. Sit down and have an heart to heart talk to your husband about how you feel. You are given out and you are strained from taking care of your mom. This is a very hard time for you and you will need all of the support that you can possibly get. Your husband should be there for you and not fight with you. You two will have to stay calm so that you can decide what is the best way for you to approach this situation maturely. I will continue to pray for you CatsandDogs. I hope that things will be better for you. And I will also pray that you mother will be healed from her condition too. Take care of yourself and your family.
I hope that she feels much better very soon! And I hope that you will not get so depressed over all of this too. Try to stay calm as much as possible. I will pray for your sanity. You need it to stay on top for yourself and your marriage as well. Just pray about this situation to God. And he will work it all out for you. That is what I will do, when I am faced with adversity. I will just silently pray to God about my sadness and pain. I will let him handle this the best way that he sees fit. Whatever he decides you know it for your own good. Please don't be scared. Sit down and have an heart to heart talk to your husband about how you feel. You are given out and you are strained from taking care of your mom. This is a very hard time for you and you will need all of the support that you can possibly get. Your husband should be there for you and not fight with you. You two will have to stay calm so that you can decide what is the best way for you to approach this situation maturely. I will continue to pray for you CatsandDogs. I hope that things will be better for you. And I will also pray that you mother will be healed from her condition too. Take care of yourself and your family.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
19 Jan 10
Hey cats! Great to see that you're still hanging in there! I
know all the stories, know how difficult that it's been for you
and yes, you are definitely to be commended for putting up
with all the crap that you have! But, and this is a big but,
you need to start thinking about you and your husband! He should
be your priority! He should be number one in your life! Your
husband has to be one of the greatest guys in the world to
put up with your parents and all your family crap in a big
azz way! Your damn phucked up brothers NEED to step in and YOU
NEED TO STEP OUT NOW! You are killing yourself and your marriage!
It's time that you stop what you're doing! You have to let your
miserable brothers handle your parents! You need to take care
of you and your husband! This has been going on for way too
long now! I am here almost two years and it's non-stop! You
are going to die before them! Please take care of yourself!
Hugs, Opal
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
21 Jan 10
My husband and I have had stressful periods which have not been one or the other’s fault but have concluded in constant fighting until the stress lessened; times like that are a real test to the marriage but if you love each other and are both intent not to let outside issue affect your marriage, you will work it out although it is hard.
It’s difficult seeing your parents get older every day and deteriorate but, sadly that is life and one of those things in life that require a lot of strength on our part. Just remember that you are doing all you can and so much is out of your control.
All you can do is take things one step at a time and keep as calm as you can (easy for me to say, I know). I will send you some prayers and I hope things settle down for you. Take care cats!
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
22 Jan 10
Hello Cats, keep calm, you've done a lot and still doing a lot for your parents and that's the right thing to do by a daughter. You'll get over all of what you'd been going through. It's just right to express all our love and care to our parents while they are still around. As when they leave this world, we would surely wish to bring back the time of living with them and giving them and doing everything for them that we haven't done. As for the fight with the hubby just lie low this time, maybe he's just tired of seeing you running here and there but he'll understand. By now maybe you've said everything, so when the husband is mad, don't say a word that would irritate him more. When his already calm and compose, you may explain to him what he don't understand in a better way. You love each other so much that there would be a room for understanding always. After all of these you have all the time and attention to your family, so never give up, you have still a beautiful family to be with. I wish your mom's recovery and your dad to be in the best of health as well. I'll pray for you to be strong and for you to get over these rough times. Just remember "Behind the clouds, lies a silver lining". Take care, Cats...
