I've Given Up on Love

@erikmama (12929)
United States
February 4, 2010 11:38pm CST
You all know the situation I finally freed myslef of after 6 long and gruelling years. I was abused and mistreated the whole time, and I guess I had low expectations of myself. After all that I endured, it will be a very long time before I am involved again.But I am lonley.I miss companionship.I miss the nice things lovers do.But I also know when the time comes for another relationship, the man will go through it to prove himself, and ill never be anyones fool again. Ill be 30 soon, and I think to much time was wasted on his sorry behind. What about you? Is the thought of finding love lost in your book,too? Do you think its to late for me to find someone,considering? Right now I am focused on getting me and my life back together, and being the best mama and person I can be,but...
5 people like this
21 responses
@rsa101 (24181)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Well for me for as long as you live there is always hope that love will come along in time. It does not really matter if you find it when your 40 or 50 or beyond, I think that love can come when you are ready. Do not rush in achieving it right now because I think you are not yet ready after enduring the 6 years of mistaken love. Just rest and let your heart rest for a while I think many mistake that when they fall in love they do not left something for themselves. Love your self first and when the love is overflowing in you can you say that you are ready to love again.
3 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
Whatever God has in store for me will happen.For the most part i am ok,but yes,sometimes I get lonley.At the same time I am not sure I can ever put myself in a situation like that again.I am not rushing.I am working on myself and my kids right now,and recovering from the BS I went through.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (24181)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
I am glad that you are doing okay with that situation. I can see in time, with proper lessons from the past if ever love would knock again you know what to do and not to do. Just do not give up on love because it will just make you life more miserable without it.
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
9 Feb 10
I dont think that is true.There are many single people who are happy and want to be single.Maybe I will be one of those people. For now I have my sons which can geyt and deserve all of my love!!
1 person likes this
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Hi there, that was a sad story, but then again, at least you are free now, and that is the most precious part in there. As long as you know that, you are right, you know that it will make you more happy, no blaming of self and no neglects then i guess the final decision of yours is really good. Anyway, self must be loved first before others, so that you will know how to love others fully and others will love you the way you love your self. Have a great day!
@dasj20 (127)
• India
6 Feb 10
hi this is also my opinion in that... don't blame yourself.thank you have a nice day my friend.
2 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
Thwerer are lots of issues i must work on before the thought of a man enters my mind. I know at this point I dont want anyone,but at the same time I am lonley.I have no friends either...I did make many mistakes but I am single, happy, and ale to begin my life again as the person I choose to be,not the one he turns me into.
1 person likes this
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
8 Feb 10
Well, i think that is a great new start, always take good care and keep up being positive and strong. Have a great day.
@obe212003 (2301)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
i know what you're going through..i admire you for looking ahead and going on, never give up.. i believe that you would find someone who really deserves your affection. Be positive and with God's guidance, you are well ahead to meet someone really destined to be with you.
3 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
Whatever God has in store for me will happen, be it a mna or some other life.It doesnt matter as long as it is spent happy and enjoying life nad the things I do have,which I have been unable to do for the past 6 years.
@lelin1123 (15635)
• Puerto Rico
5 Feb 10
Its never to late to find love. Just focus on getting your life on the right track and when you least except it love will happen again for you. They say when you are not looking for love that is when it finds you.
2 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
I dont know if I want love again.I dont know if I am willing to put the things into a relationship that you have to in order to make it work again. Right now I am working on me and my life and being happy.And just being away from him has helped me be happier already.
@ybong007 (6656)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Don't lose hope. Believe me, the next one will be sweeter. Of course give yourself sometime to heal. What's important is you are now free. Enjoy your freedom, enjoy life. What important is to learn from the past and move on. Thirty is too young to give up on love. As the say, life begins at forty...At the moment give your love to the one that really deserve it, your kid.
2 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
I am working o n getting my life back in order. No,the next time wont be sweeter because I am damaged now.I have demons that can never be fully ridded as I have to protet myself,unlike last time.I dont kow if I want a relationship again,and at this point I dont.But I do get lonley.Ive been lonley for years.That is the key for me right now,which is to enjoy life and all I have because ive not been able to do it for so long.I iss who I use to be,and I am angry ive lost somuch.BUT I AM HAPPY!!
@liuzhi (265)
• China
5 Feb 10
Reallly sorry to hear that.Maybe he is not your real Mr right.Hope you will find your real lover who could give you safety and real love.
2 people like this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
Nope, he was Mr.So So So So Wrong, bu I did get my beautiful son out of it.See, that is the thing.I'm not sure I even want it anymore.Im not sure I can open myself to truly love again,or if anyone would be willing to undergo the BS I KNOW I would put them through.But, at the same tme, life is nice with soeone to share it with.
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Just bear it, people come and go... just like a train, there would be another to come, just wait and see. Just believe in your fate, wait for your luck, and even when your destiny comes right. don't worry, every loose there's another turn... don't give up.. when sunsets in, dont loose hope, sun will soon to rise again...
1 person likes this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
IM glad he is gone and sad I wasted so much of my life with him.I was just thinking if I ever did want to be with someone would I be able to do it...or if I want it...
@illfavors (592)
• United States
5 Feb 10
Don't give up. True love will find you when you are least expecting it. Take some time to mend your emotions and when your ready love will find you.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17451)
• Canada
8 Feb 10
Hi erikmama. Maybe not love in general. My advice is maybe to yourself. Focus love unto yourself right now. Which is exactly what you're doing by getting your life back. And I'm sure that if you just keep at it, love will find its way back to you. It may take a while, but I'm sure it'll be back. Good luck!
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Well, I dont know if I will ever be in a relationship again or not, but thankfully I am working om me,and dont care.I am doing what I should have been doing when I was with him and was to phucked up to do, whichis be a mother and be me,live life for me*and the kids of course*
@bounce58 (17451)
• Canada
21 Jun 10
After 5 months (since you started this discussion), it is nice to know that you're still on track. Goodluck! And thanks for the BR tag!
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
7 Feb 10
Hi Erikmama Well I was40 when I seperated from the EX and 42 when I got divorced I was not planning anything if it happened it did and if didn't then fine to It did happen and I have never been treated so well We have been in a Relationship now for 6 years, I have known my Man for 8 Years we where good Friends and work together for 4 weeks that is when I met him, there was 3 hours difference where he lived and where I lived but we stayed Friends, 2 years later it just happened, he accepts my Illness and he accepts me and loves me for who I am So there is still hope no matter what age, yes you will be cautious and it will take a while to trust but it will happen
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
21 Jun 10
I am so happy for u gabs! I think that everyone deserves t be happy, in what ever way they find it.I have never been treated good either, and it hurts becaue I am such a good person with a big heart and ots of love. How long were you single?
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
21 Jun 10
Only for a Year but I had known my wonderful Man for 2 years by then as he was my best Friend We lived 3 hours apart and when he heard about my Illness and divorce he helped a lot by being on the other end of the Phone for me when I needed a good cry I then went to visit him and it happened without planning on either side 2 days after I arrived there I was scared of loosing my best Friend and the Friendship we had, but 6 years later he is still my best Friend as well as the Love of my Life
@mzz663 (2782)
• United States
6 Feb 10
I think you are going about it the right way, take time to heal, take time and be the best mom that you can possibly be, I went through the same thing and even though at first you feel lonely it will soon pass when you find things that keep you busy. Have you thought about going back to school? It seems that nothing happens until you are happy with yourself and your life and that is when you will probably find that special someone. I'm glad you found your way out of that abusive relationship! Just work on you for now so that his wrongs don't make it tough on someone else later down the road that don't deserve it!
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
21 Jun 10
Well, after thi discussion I had a major setback,which I am sure you read about in the other disucssions! But thankfully, I have noone,but I do have you great mylotters who have given me so much help. Lelin left me a comment,and something she said really helped me.It has taken a while but I am starting to once again feel like a person.I am starting to enjoy my kids and the other things in lve.I am trying hard to get it togehter. A relationship is the last hing I want right now, and if I ever do decide to get in one it will be a long time. I will go back to school one day.I am struggling right now and cant even think avout that at this point.
@doormouse (4619)
5 Feb 10
i like yourself had an awfull relationship,when i left him i spent a good few years with on off boyfriends,then out of the blue when i wasn't looking for anyone,my current boyfriend came along,we've been together 4 1/2 years now,,you'll find someone,just stop looking,they'll come to when you're ready
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
9 Feb 10
I am glad you are happy and found someone to love and love you back.It is a rare thing nowadays!!You are right,everything happens when you atrent expceting it.
@ian1979 (47)
• Philippines
5 Feb 10
Don't give up on love, remember that no man is an island. Everyone needs somebody to love and be loved.. You might have been hurt by someone you've loved dearly but it doesn't mean that you should give up on loving.. It's better to have loved and be hurt rather than not to have loved at all.. Keep the love alive in your heart for that makes us human..
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
9 Feb 10
I have been through a lot worse than loosing a love.I lost myselg, my life,my kids, myself worth,and I could go on and on. I do not know if I am ever going to be able to give love another hance.Inly time will yrll,and if I decide I dont want to be with anyone in a serious relationship again,I will still be happy.
• India
5 Feb 10
love is not about giving up or catching up...they are just feelings...dont bother just move on
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
Some people have experienced worse things than others.
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
5 Feb 10
Hi erikmama
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Feb 10
There are some wounds time cant heal,which is where I am at at this point. The pain of our relationship,well it stopped hurting a long time agao and the love was gone a long time ago.There wwere many different reasons for my going back again and again,and I shouldnt have.My son was put through things,heard and saw me being hurt. I dont know if I will have a serious relationhip again or not.But sometimes I get lonley. Right now I am focused on getting my life back together and thats it.But it is just one o f those things i wonder about.
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
6 Feb 10
Yes, I myself lost my faith in men. My last relationship ended two years ago but we never broke up because of abuse but because we cant go on with a long distance relationship. And since then I just dated once and no new relationship at all. I'm finding my way back into love but I find it difficult. No its never to late to find love. Just pray for him and I think God will give him to you.
@Jhaszy (236)
• Philippines
6 Feb 10
I thot of that too..giving up on love,anyway i already have kids,and having another realtionship is only like taking a stone and hit your own head..but we will never know...your still young your only 30,i started my last realtionship when i was 35 which end up quickly but leaving me a child..so now i am thinking i am so over with love,maybe i need to concentrate on raising my children,since fathers are not supporting eversince..but then again i am not closing my door,maybe one day a guy worth trusting for will come knockin on my door and would make me happy for the rest of our life..wow!sounds too god to be true right..but who knows....hey check my discussion, maybe you can relate..have a good day!!!
@cher913 (25865)
• Canada
5 Feb 10
cut yourself some slack and take a mini vacation from finding love for yourself. after a while when you feel refreshed and ready to face the world again, you can try again.
@machivado (529)
• Indonesia
5 Feb 10
I've lived my life to follow the stream of my heart to this day, I've been broken many times but I don't have much regret. I think to deny what's good coming into me will add my regrets.
• United States
5 Feb 10
I am sorry of all what has happened to you, but I think at all ages is possible to find love, it is good that you realized that you had low expectations of yourself, and that leads you to get into an abusive relationship, now that you know that, it is going to be more easy to identify abuse patterns and people that would mistreat you and hurt you, have hopes that love will knock at your door very soon. It is good that you are focus in being the best mother you can be and the best person you can, but don't worry you will find love.