No Confrontation With MIL, Phew! That Was A Relief!
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
March 7, 2010 7:30pm CST
A couple of weeks ago my MIL "donated" 12 cans of Coke to my hubby when he went round with their car that he had borrowed in order to pick Mum up, who was staying with us over that weekend.
At the time I wasn't happy about it as he had a 4 litre a day DIET Coke habit that he chose to give up 18 months earlier. I rang my MIL and aired my views, only to be shot down in flames.
It since transpired that she had queued earlier on in the day for 4 hours to buy 6 Wembley tickets. I knew she had gone but had no idea she had queued for that length of time as she never told me. If she had I would've left it and spoke to her another time. Tried twisting it you see when she rang my husband at work, straight after our conversation!
Anyway, on Sunday this weekend was the first time I'd seen her and FIL since my phone call. Me and MIL were very cool towards each other; hardly spoke at all, in fact. I preferred this approach as she wasn't in my face, something that had been irritating me for quite some time. As for the FIL, he was great. His usual, friendly self so I was quite relieved about this as the last thing I wanted was a confrontation...with either of them. MIL with face in book, that I like!
The MIL (at one point) did turn round in her seat in order to speak to my husband, ignoring me completely, but I wasn't bothered. She also did "little" things like get the channel changed from the football to some obscure sci-fi channel when I took a look at hubby washing his car. I wasn't bothered about that either. She actually seemed flustered with her own husband at one stage so whether he was "getting it in the neck" instead of me, I'm not sure. To be honest, I don't really care!
One thing's for certain; there is no way my husband will ever go round to his parents again without me in tow. They won't like this but that's tough.
At least they didn't GIVE US ANYTHING which is a result in my view.
Yes, I am grateful she queued for the Wembley tickets but what I am not grateful for is her increased interference in our lives. I am hoping she will calm down in time. In the past she has always got her own way. My husband told me this as she drank heavily up until recently. She would wander off if anyone disagreed with her. Personally, I think the "treading on eggshells approach" is wrong. She should be told that I don't really want our house filling up with junk like her own and if she wanders off..let her. She always comes back!
And yes, I do tell my own Mum not to give me stuff...and she is never offended.
We are like our parents it seems but mine are better than my husbands'! I'm not likely to say otherwise am I?
It since transpired that she had queued earlier on in the day for 4 hours to buy 6 Wembley tickets. I knew she had gone but had no idea she had queued for that length of time as she never told me. If she had I would've left it and spoke to her another time. Tried twisting it you see when she rang my husband at work, straight after our conversation!
Anyway, on Sunday this weekend was the first time I'd seen her and FIL since my phone call. Me and MIL were very cool towards each other; hardly spoke at all, in fact. I preferred this approach as she wasn't in my face, something that had been irritating me for quite some time. As for the FIL, he was great. His usual, friendly self so I was quite relieved about this as the last thing I wanted was a confrontation...with either of them. MIL with face in book, that I like!
The MIL (at one point) did turn round in her seat in order to speak to my husband, ignoring me completely, but I wasn't bothered. She also did "little" things like get the channel changed from the football to some obscure sci-fi channel when I took a look at hubby washing his car. I wasn't bothered about that either. She actually seemed flustered with her own husband at one stage so whether he was "getting it in the neck" instead of me, I'm not sure. To be honest, I don't really care!
One thing's for certain; there is no way my husband will ever go round to his parents again without me in tow. They won't like this but that's tough.
At least they didn't GIVE US ANYTHING which is a result in my view.
Yes, I am grateful she queued for the Wembley tickets but what I am not grateful for is her increased interference in our lives. I am hoping she will calm down in time. In the past she has always got her own way. My husband told me this as she drank heavily up until recently. She would wander off if anyone disagreed with her. Personally, I think the "treading on eggshells approach" is wrong. She should be told that I don't really want our house filling up with junk like her own and if she wanders off..let her. She always comes back!
And yes, I do tell my own Mum not to give me stuff...and she is never offended.
We are like our parents it seems but mine are better than my husbands'! I'm not likely to say otherwise am I?2 people like this
7 responses
@pandaeyes (2065)
•
8 Mar 10
In laws can be hard work.
They still see themselves as their children's elder which they are but there is a different hierarchy in your own home, they are the guest.
My in laws didn't always appreciate that.
They did have their good points too though.
At the moment we have rather a lot of their possessions in our big shed.
I am not particularly happy about that as they were hoarders and a lot of the things are old and useless.
My husband used to point out our own clutter and we have worked hard to reduce it only to have it replaced by theirs.
Hopefully, next work holiday,there will be a good bit of ebaying going on!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
You see, that's exactly what I don't want to happen here...accummulating their junk as our house is a terrace and not as big as their semi. They have a garage full of junk too! The car is on the driveway because it can't fit in anymore!
We have a huge quilt in the airing-cupboard (MIL gave it to John in our house when I was still in bed) and I'm not kidding you, it would cover the Wembley pitch, it's that big. I'm not sure if she bought it for herself or for us as a "present" but either way she should've realised (and John should've said "no" and given it her back) that it is WAY too big for any bed in the house. I want to donate it to Shelter as it would cover at least 6 homeless people...plus a dog.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
This is why I have to keep my eye on hubby, otherwise he will turn out exactly the same as his parents. My Dad does it too so it's not exclusive to his side of the family but Mum tells him off hehe lol.
@pandaeyes (2065)
•
8 Mar 10
My widowed sister in law has the same problem.
There was so much stuff and her garage and sheds and house are chock a block too plus her late hubby loved cars and bikes and they are also everywhere.
My hubby was over there helping clear some room for her in the shed and he said there were so many packets of tools all the same and just one used or even still unopened because it was so cluttered that if he wanted a tool, he found it easier to go and buy one than look amongst all the stuff.
That is a definite trait picked up from their dad.
MIL was a hoarder of materials,wool,trinkets,china etc etc.
Mostly unusable bits of nothing.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Mar 10
My mother-in-law mostly only pushes soup at us. Yesterday R told her no, so today she's coming over with it. :-) She can't afford to be giving food away either, but she does anyway.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
Food, yes, my MIL's favourite subject! Is the soup good? If it is then fair enough but if it isn't...you're stuck with it lol. It's the same with us. When John went round on his own (he won't from now on) he would come home with horrendous cuts of meat. Most of the time I couldn't even tell what the meat was. I have some in the freezer and I know for a fact it won't taste of anything. When we were round yesterday the FIL kept going on about the meat in the oven being "a bit tough." He said something like, "well, that does happen sometimes, it can't be helped!" Er, I'm sorry but it can be helped! They have the money so they've no excuse to come home with cr*p. We've bought better meat than they have. Honestly, they've no taste in food lol.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Mar 10
I have to say my mother-in-law has never cooked anything bad in her life. The most annoying thing about her and cooking is that she complains, "oh it wasn't quite right this time or I did this wrong, etc.". And there's never anything wrong with any of it.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Mar 10
hi janey looks like your mom in law being given a cold shoulder'
works better than a confrontation with the insults that follow.
but whats this with not letting your husband go to his parents
alone? none of my business but if I had done that to my husband'he would have had a hissy fit. You dont trust me, and thats just what it sounds like to me 
too. He is a big boy now able to stand up for himself or not, how can you just order a man around like that? wish I knew the secret, but anyway I am a widow now. You forget your mom in law has not knownyou since your birth but your mom does. so of course she will not be offended if you tell her not to give you stuff. she least she is not going to tell you if she is. hehe.,
too. He is a big boy now able to stand up for himself or not, how can you just order a man around like that? wish I knew the secret, but anyway I am a widow now. You forget your mom in law has not knownyou since your birth but your mom does. so of course she will not be offended if you tell her not to give you stuff. she least she is not going to tell you if she is. hehe.,@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
He isn't a big boy, that's his problem (in their eyes, not mine). Always been treated like a 12 year old. It's them that don't trust him. He actually fixed our fire a few weeks ago and what did the in-laws do? Send someone round anyway just to undermine his efforts. The guy just looked at the fire and said, "well done mate, you've fixed it!" When he'd gone I said to John, "I told you didn't I?" I actually see potential in my husband. I am sure he is capable of far more than his parents think he is capable of and it annoys me. He does have problems with shaky hands due to a condition he has but if he really concentrates on something (like the fire) then he is able to finish the job. His mother has the same condition so she (of all people) should realise that he isn't an invalid.
The reason why I have to go with John to their house from now on is that they plot things behind my back. If John is there on his own he feels powerless against them because he can't say "no" whereas I can.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
8 Mar 10
Heehee, I love reading about the MIL drama. It's just go relatable it's funny. We haven't had to deal with my husband's mom for quite a while (since she got in a huff over my husband not thanking her for meat, lol) and I'm quite enjoying the silence. I'm not the type to put up with meddling or interference and I'm so glad she's completely backed off, and if that means not speaking to us then that's fine. I refuse to play silly games with someone who's supposed to be the parent.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
Wayhay, well that's a result then my friend! I love the silence too and it will frustrate MIL no end that I'll be going round with John from now on. She won't be able to plot anything now without my say-so...which is how it should be. John is married for God's sake, he's not a single guy anymore. I really thought they'd "give us some slack" once we got married but it hasn't happened. The silence may be the start though, hopefully!
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
8 Mar 10
Hi Janey. So sorry you're having such a hard time with your family in law. Im glad to say that Ive never known any of this. I had 2 men in my life (serious relationship) and both had lost their mothers, so I never had a MIL.....and Im sorry they lost their mom but happy I never had to go through all this.
My husband got along with my mom, he used to tease her because she was "tiny"!! She kept saying she'd get him one day haha!!
So, I guess I never missed anything then!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
Well, John must like my Mum (or maybe just tolerates her, who knows?) otherwise he wouldn't keep picking her up 100 miles away, bring her back for her to stay here so many times a year lol. I can't stand being around my mother-in-law for 2 hours, never mind 2 days so I'm grateful that my own Mum isn't as stressful to get along with. In fact, she gives John encouragement (just like I do) which is something his own parents should be doing.
@bamikalipal (588)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
Giving MIL a cold shoulder, may be better than confrontation because at times, confrontation can make the situation worse. However, you need to speak up so she will know how you feel. If she ignores or resents it, that would be her problem.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be happy if she takes a long, long hike, lol.
My 10-year old granddaughter has a problem with a neighbor who grabs their remote and constantly changes channel. Unable to bear her annoyance, she wrote a note which she passed on to him. "You are welcome anytime, but don't abuse it."
I wouldn't dream of using the remote in somebody else's home. Neither would I use their phone, unless it is an emergency(should my cell phone need charging), but with the owner's permission. People have to learn about simple courtesy.
Men are less likely to interfere, I guess that's their nature. So, FIL wouldn't be much of a problem. MIL can take out her frustrations on him, poor FIL
Your Mum understands because she is a sensible person, like you, that's genetics at work. :-)
Hang in there, my friend!
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Mar 10
Thank you so much for your lovely response, it's much appreciated. Wow, fancy using a remote in someone else's home; I've not heard of that before. Not good is it? Yes, I was pleased with myself yesterday as I really was dying to say something but chose not to. I only hope she has "got the message" as this house just isn't designed to have a lot of stuff in it. It's alright for them, they have more room, we haven't. Her daughter is a messy so-an-so (at her house) as well. If that was me Mum would've mentioned it to me by now..something like, "get this mess cleaned up!"
@bamikalipal (588)
• Philippines
8 Mar 10
Giving MIL a cold shoulder may be better than confrontation because more often than not, a confrontation can make a problem worse. However you need to speak up so that she will know what you think and how you feel. If she ignores or resents it, too bad, that would be her problem.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be very happy if MIL takes a very long, long hike, lol.
Men are less likely to interfere, that's their nature. MIL can take out her frustrations on him, poor FIL. :-(
My 10-year old grandkid has a problem with a neighbor who grabs the remote and constantly changes channel. Unable to bear her annoyance, she wrote a note and passed it on to him, "You are welcome anytime but don't abuse it!"
I wouldn't dream of using anyone else's remote nor even use their phone unless it is an emergency(should my cell need recharging), with their permission, of course. We need to learn to observe simple courtesy.
Btw, you must have heard of the question: What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Answer: Outlaws are always wanted, while in-laws are most often unwanted.
Your Mum understands because she is a smart and sensible person like you, that's genetics at work! :-), :-). :-)
Hang in their, my friend and have a fantabulous day.
