How in god's name am I to take care of a baby on SSI????????

United States
March 29, 2010 7:20pm CST
Excuse me while I get my heart off the bottom of my daughters shoe. How in the world is this girl going to care for a baby. I don't know if I can make it through much more of this. She is 15 and repeating the ninth grade for the third year. Now she is having a BABY!!!!!!!! and I am going to be the one taking care of it. What is she going to do to help me? I could not do anything but scream. I can't stop crying my child just ruined herself. Now I find out the father is someone I knew nothing about. I thought it was on guy who i know would stick by her. I read all the time about people wondering how another could take their own life. Well I feel like getting out of this wicked world right now. Pampers can I afford it heck no. A crib oh I can us my rent money to buy it. LOL what am I to do now?
3 people like this
20 responses
@ElicBxn (61191)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Adoption I know this is a grandbaby, but girlfriend, you can't afford it and your daughter won't be much help. Right now, start pushing to have her place the child up for adoption. And THEN, get her on birth control!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Mar 10
hio ElicBxn you are saying just what I was thinking . she has had too much to contendwith, and this is just too much for her and that child to handle, right now the best thing would be to adopt the baby out to parents who are longing for a baby.the daughter is still just a child and has to grow up first before handling another life, thenbirth control since she wants to be sexually active while still a baby herself.its just not fair to her overworked mom.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 10
I could never ask this of my daughter. I would do anything I need to are for my grand child. But giving it up is not an option. My daughter saw what I went through when I tried to keep my pregnancy's. The doctor told me to have an abortion or I would die. This is why she will not abort either. She is the only person to decide what to do with the child.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61191)
• United States
30 Mar 10
You are barely making it now, and you want to bring a baby into this? of course, you can do cloth diapers, they cost a LOT less in the long run, find some old flannel sheets and you can make them for nearly nothing... Get on your local freecycle group and let them know that you are having a grand child and that you would really appreciate ANYTHING, crib, flannel sheets to make diapers so you won't be throwing disposables into the land fill (they like not throwing things away) a high chair, even baby gates and a play pen Now, you can pick up some wash clothes and make some really awesome bibs out of them - they are what I give as baby gifts to new mothers I know - and they LOVE them... But you don't NEED disposable diapers and maybe having to change and wash diapers would let your daughter know she is NOW on a full time job You tell yer that she's can't go out with friends, you aren't babysitting that baby - she's just taken on a full time job and its going to be taking care of the baby. Oh, and she still has to finish school AND get a job to support the baby. (I wouldn't tell her that you might be getting a bit more $$ to help support the baby, but I'm not sure how its done there)
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
30 Mar 10
You cannot seem to catch a break lately, I am sorry to hear that. I guess first and foremost is to decide what your daughter wants to do. What are her wishes and proceed from there. She needs you more now than you will ever know. This is not about you and her anymore, it now became of this innocent victim that had no choice in the matter. What is to become of this little person in the making. Most adults cannot handle this let alone an immature child. Is she ready to give up things for her child now? Is she more determined to make something of herself now that she will have a little looking up to her for guidance, love support, and of course financial support if she chooses to have it? There are plenty of programs to help her but being emotionally ready is whole new ball game. Its hard being a young parent because you give up a lot of yourself to care for a minor child that will be demanding. Whatever decisions are going to be made they will be hard and I feel for you. I have always felt that you are not dealt with things that you cannot handle, but sometimes you just need a break from all of that. There are organizations that can help you with the basics.I mean she can put herself on a waiting list now for habitat for humanity for housing if she gets a job and keeps it going to get into a house when it comes up. I have friend that did that and the rent /mortgage was cheap. A lot of exploring for you to do. Take care !
• United States
30 Mar 10
Everyone here brings up good points. This is your daughter's baby and you should set limits as to what you will and will not do for her to help her care for this child. You are still her mother and it is time to guide her into becoming a mother herself. I speak from personal experience here - talk with her about what she wants, does she honestly want to raise this baby or is adoption an option? If she wants to keep the baby, limits have to be set. She cannot think that she is an adult all of a sudden. She should still be responsible for bills, groceries, gas, etc. And if you have to apply for medicaid, food stamps, etc. together because you do live in the same house, then she must learn to be responsible for her share and take primary responsibility for the baby. It is hard, but with lots of patience and endurance, it can all work out.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 10
The tears won't stop coming down my face. My heart hurts for what she is going to have to go through. She wants the baby. So that is done now we have to go to the doctor and the wic office. She does not want me to go to the fathers parents. So now this is a problem. He told her he will stay in school and get a job. My friend said we can stay with her so I am moving out of state. I have to find work now to care for this child. I know my daughter can't do it. She can't do her home work or clean her room.
@mommyboo (13191)
• United States
30 Mar 10
You say your daughter can't do it. She will have to learn. How will she learn? From being taught. From having it expected of her. Can't is not an option. Don't let her or anybody else fool you. She perhaps does not WANT to do her homework. She perhaps does not WANT to clean her room. I am sure she knows how and if she is expected to, she will do it. Give her the expectations and the skills to fulfill them and she may surprise you.
@GardenGerty (130079)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Your daughter will have to use the resources available to her to care for the baby. It would be good to put it up for adoption, and probably provide a better life. She is out of control, and you have known it for a good while. It is not your job to raise the baby it is hers. It may not be that she has ruined herself, but that she is giving herself a reason to straighten up.
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Mar 10
hi GardenGerty my sentiments too, the child is just too young to care for a child and her mom just cannot do this. She needs to grow up, get an education, and mature before ever having a baby again. also the man who is the father must be made to help out.Adopting the baby out might be the best way to help the child to grow up and behave as her mom has always had her good on her mind, and the girl seems not to want to listen to her mom at all. sad. but true.
• United States
30 Mar 10
She is going to have to grow up now. I can only imagine what is going to happen when the child comes. There is no adoption or abortions for us. Th child will be with us. I will do what I can to see to it she takes full responsibility for her actions.
@lelin1123 (15634)
• Puerto Rico
30 Mar 10
Oh my God I'm so sorry to hear this. Well there are a number of things she can do. If she is not in love with the father, she should consider giving it up for adoption or depending on how many months she is if you are not against abortion, she could have an abortion. There are programs that your daughter can get such as the WIC program. She will be able to get food for the baby from milk, cereal, eggs, etc... I would also go after the father of the baby for support. I'm so sorry your daughter is really doing a number on you and on herself, the bad part is she doesn't ever realize what she has done to you and to her life. I will pray for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 10
I am talking to her and I see now she is taking some of it in. She can't stay wake long enough to respond back she is so tired. Now she is dying for crabs and pickles.
• United States
30 Mar 10
I see someone else already suggested WIC, and medicaid. That does not however help with the fact she is 15, and needs to learn responsibility for her own child. Some people would consider adoption, that of course is a personal decision you all would have to discuss. I know you sell your bags, and do mylot, but have you tried any of the other work from home jobs? I use Amazon Mechanical Turk, social spark, textbroker, chacha, those are my major ones right now, but have also used west at home, and alpine in the past. I don't want to sound like a jerk, as I do not know you, or your situation but the father needs to be made to be responsible too. Your child and this boy made this baby, they need to take care of it. Hang in there, if it matters my thoughts, and prayers are with you.
• United States
30 Mar 10
I am sitting here working on my online store. thanks
@kainalu55 (364)
• United States
30 Mar 10
so sorry to here whatyou are going through! Hang in there. Let your daughhter take responsibility. Of course, you're going to have to help..a lot..but maybe she needs to get a part time job, now..and save up for baby..she can work up until a few weeks before baby is due. Also, she can get WIC right now which will help with your food expenses. Now that she is a mother to be, she must become that responsible person..talk to her, and get her to realize this. No matter what, a baby is a precious gift, i know it can be very stressful, but i sure hope it will all work out ok. take care!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 10
I want her to stay in shcool and she will look for a job this summer. Thanks
@CRSunrise (2982)
• United States
30 Mar 10
People have already mentioned WIC and medicaid. Those will definitely help. She should be able to qualify for foodstamps too. That will help with the food end of things. There are alot of avenues that she can go down to get help with her baby. Your daughter does need to take responsibility for herself and this baby. Having a baby at 15 is not going to be a picnic, and it's not up to you to carry the load. Be firm with her. She'll learn...or at least she'd better by the time the baby arrives.
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Get her on medicare and have wic for the baby, that's the only thing I can think of. I think she'd be too young to draw for disability if she was eligible, i don't know. Lots and Lots of coupons, freebies, Lots and Lots of new purses made, shirts as well... And a lot of praying.
• United States
30 Mar 10
I will get her on wic she is already on medicaid. Thanks
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
30 Mar 10
When you talk to the wic office you could ask them what other services they offer for young mothers or any recommendations they can make for what you can do to help her support the baby.
• United States
30 Mar 10
I called the food stamp office I will go this week to apply for the baby. Thanks
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20976)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Wow gifts, what a blow, but it is something that you can get through. As for help, I am sure you can get help through the community from food banks to freecycle. (I believe you are part of that and you can get Many baby things through it)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Yes when she is 4 months We will start to free cycle. I will start to shop for the baby at 6 months.
• United States
30 Mar 10
Knowing freecycle, you should start now, because it may take you a while to get what you need.
• United States
30 Mar 10
I went on it today and asked for baby stuff. Someone was giving a way a nw crib and a walker,baby toys etc. I have no car to pick it up and she does not want the only person who an take me to know.
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3049)
• United States
31 Mar 10
I know people have mentioned WIC to you already and you could also try some consignment shops. Several of them have brand new cribs still in their boxes but for very reasonable prices. I just bought the nursery furniture for my son's room and I paid $199 for a crib and changing table that had excellent reviews. I got it off Wal-Mart.com and they have good bundle prices online. As far as diapers go, Target's diapers have good reviews and are affordable and White Cloud diapers from Wal-Mart are also good. Huggies now offers a boxed package deal with a container of wipes, a package of newborn size diapers, and a pack of size 1 diapers for $20. Trust me, I understand about being on a budget right now. Sign up at Huggies.com and you'll get lots of coupons and they also have a program (so does Pampers) that offers reward points. You use codes found on the diaper and wipe packages and eventually you can redeem the points for baby products and toys, even gift cards. Consignment shops are good places for clothes I've heard, but Children's Place and Old Navy both have great clothes for good prices. They're both good for sales also. If you have any more questions, please feel free to send me a message. I have a book called Baby Bargains and it really helped me find deals and where to find quality baby products for reasonable prices. I hope this helps some and good luck to you guys.
• United States
31 Mar 10
I was online searching wholesale bottles,wipe,pampers and more. Since i have to buy for my store. I figure I can buy wholesale baby things. take half and resell the other have. saving me tons of cash in retail stuff. I am gald you remined me of the children's place. we have a nice kids store here with awesome prices. I will give my daughter $300 to start shopping and boxing up things on sale. Since she will have a winter baby. That stuff is really cheap right now.
@Flight84 (3049)
• United States
31 Mar 10
Yeah that's a good idea. $300 can get her off to a pretty good start. I've been buying clothes for next season since everything is on sale right now for babies. And you know, the good thing with newborns is that they don't require a ton of stuff. We registered for a stroller frame instead of those expensive travel systems and the frames are $60 and Graco also makes a swing frame that goes with their SnugRide car seats.
@cher913 (25855)
• Canada
30 Mar 10
yipes! i sure would not be very happy if this was my daughter. hubby is not working right now and we are living hand to mouth too. would you think about putting baby up for adoption? that might be your best bet. if not, do you get any assistance from agencies in your area? you should look into that.
• United States
30 Mar 10
We are not giving the baby up for adoption. We will find any way we can to care for this baby. Free cycle,stamps,and my extra income. Plus she has to get a job.
• United States
31 Mar 10
See, I'm sorry but I can't feel sorry for you giftsandbagscom. I realize this is your child's child, and your grandchild, but your daughter is FIFTEEN!! And you are ONLINE asking for advice from STRANGERS! You don't know how you can pay for anything when you can't afford much as it is. Then you turn down adoption as an idea and now I can't say I will feel sorry for you struggling because it would be best for your daughter and the baby, in my opinion of course. But I hope you guys do well.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Oh gifts, I am so sorry that your daughter has gotten herself into this situation. I have a 16 yr old and this is one of my fears for her. Ok this is where you have to get real tough with your daughter. She will probably have to get some help from welfare. They will also go after the father to pay child support. She needs her education if she is going to be raising a baby. Some schools have programs that will watch the baby while the girl is taking classes. Your daughter should check into all the programs that are out there willing to help these young girls that get pregnant. I know it is a nightmare for you right now but trust me, these things have a way of working out. {{{HUGS}}}}
• United States
30 Mar 10
My daughter is dying for a pickle lol. I will buy her a jar on thursday. I will be fine and w will work it out. I am going to start making plans for the new baby. It may be nice having one around. it may be what gets my daughter to grow up. Thanks
@maximax8 (31177)
• United Kingdom
31 Mar 10
Your daughter is just 15 years old and she is expecting a baby. News of her pregnancy has been a shock for you that you will hopefully get used to. It is possible to care for a baby on a low budget. Friends and relatives with children often give gifts of clothing. The baby could wear cloth diapers perhaps or the lowest cost disposables. I suggest you buy a second hand cot, bedding and buggy. Your daughter could feed her baby in the natural way. I hope your daughter's boyfriend will be supportive towards his baby. Maybe your daughter will be able to continue studying in a few years time. Once her child goes to school she will be able to work. Good luck to you, your daughter and her dear little baby.
• United States
31 Mar 10
We will be doing all of what you mentioned and more. She is getting a job this summer s well. She will do well after this is all thought out. My neighbor is saving me all her daughter stuff. I will buy as much second hand as I can till teh baby is one year old. being they grow so fast. I have so many more plans for us with the new baby.
@jambi462 (4593)
• United States
30 Mar 10
Get that girl to start working on some online earning websites or something. It isn't always a lot of money but it will definitely help you I would have to say. I hope you the best of wishes with this new being that you have to take care of. If your daughter is a mother now she's going to have a little bit of growing up to do and a job or at least some way of earning an income will certainly help that.
• United States
30 Mar 10
She is sitting here begging me to go to a party tonight. I told her those days are over and to go read her math book.
@pumeza (56)
• South Africa
30 Mar 10
Its your daughter at the end of the day, always remember she is your responsibility, her child is her own. I know you will be there for her and at the same time you need to make her responsible for her actions. If it means she stops seeing friends in order to help with the baby or work after school so be it. One thing for sure, God will see you through this ordeal. Stay blessed!!
• United States
30 Mar 10
Would you believe she is here begging to go to a party. I said no and that is final. Your right and I will be here for her.
@kaylachan (10109)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
30 Mar 10
She and you have a lot of options. First of all how far along is she? You can encourage her to presue adoption, her case worker can help you out with that. There are things you can do to get finical aid as well if it comes to the fact she decides to keep it. But, regardless of what happens ultmently its her decision to make. She has to decide how she wants to handle this. You can research lay out all of her options. It will be up to her to decide what is best. Because until otherwise written your daughter is the mother of that child and therefore her responsibility.
• United States
30 Mar 10
She said she wants the baby. And that if I want her to abort it sh will. I told her that I could never put her through that. So we are going to be raising the child together. My daughter is not mature enough to care for herself. So I will be the primary care giver to my grandchild.
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
30 Mar 10
i'm so sorry to hear about what you have to undergo... but it is no use to cry over spilled milk... it is better to try to work out a solution with your daughter and her partner on how to raise the baby in the future... your daughter need to take responsibility now as she is going to be a mum and so as her partner... i hope that you can be strong for your daughter because she need support from you the most now... unless if you want to suggest her to abort or give up the baby for adoption, then you have no other choice rather than to help and support her as her mum... please be strong... i know it is very hard for you... but please believe that God will never leave you and He will guide and help you through this difficult time... take care and have a nice day...
• United States
30 Mar 10
We will work it out some how. My neighbor offered to hold her baby items for us. I will do all I can to be there for her.
@junmae (1591)
• Philippines
30 Mar 10
I think you and my mom has the same feeling when i got pregnant. My mom cries a lot when she found out that I am pregnant, the worst thing is my boyfriend is just a student and my salary is very cheap that couldnt support the needs of the baby. But eventually she began to accept it and I promised to work hard to support the baby's need without disturbing my mom's budget for the family. Your situation is so hard because your daughter is too young to be a mother and too young to go to work.
• United States
30 Mar 10
Your right and it will only get worse. Thanks
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Mar 10
oh my g giftsandbagscom I am so sorry. I knew you were afraid of this and now its happen. wow.well could you get that daughter of yours on welfare now she is having a baby? You sure do need some practical help now,I know about ssi as I am on it too.no do not take your life, there must be a wayout of this. this is not your fault. can the young father be made accoutable for paying child support? she is fifteen and not through school and too young to care for a child. gifts I am beginning to think that the best thing would be for her to have the child and put it up for adoption, as this is just going to put you in the poor house, if there was such an animal. sometimes we have to do drastic things in drastic times. that is just one option,harsh I know, but your daughter sounds very young for a fifteenyear old and god knows fifteen is not all that old anyway. she does need to get her education and to grow up into a more sensible young lady. she is only in the ninth grade? I graduated from high school at 16 not quite 17.This seems to me to be just too much for you both, and can she learn to care for a baby? oh lord I wish I lived near by I wou ld offer to come and help but I am far away. hope we can come up with some good suggestions for you. I would really look into welfare outlets and find out what can of help you can get for yourself and your daughter, also think seriously about adopting that baby out to a family who can care for it. just a suggestion of co urse. goodluck God bless.
• United States
30 Mar 10
I will go to welfare,wic,and free cycle for help. I will shop at thrift stores for all of what I can get there. I am moving and will look for a flea market to open up a booth. So I can make some money. Adoption is not an option. Thanks
@Loen210 (1540)
• United States
5 Apr 10
So sorry to hear about all of this going on. Stay strong, stay sane, stay firm. I'm sorry your daughter has had so much trouble in school as well, having to be a freshman for 3 years! I hope that she is in special ed for kids who need help learning. But I must say taht it's good that she has continued on though you hear too many drop out if they stay back. And with a baby coming, that could do a big number on her. May I ask if she has a diagnosed learning disability and/or mental state? That would be something also to target to find for support and advice. I would also find online and in real life local places for similar case and/or theem groups. On the internet, there are likely big message baords or support groups where you can get advice and help and just shoulders to cry on of many others whether they are children who have abbies themselves, or their parents like you. Hang in there.