You have a What?
By cynthiann
@cynthiann (18612)
Jamaica
October 22, 2010 6:58pm CST
I couldn't believe my ears when my nine-going-on-ten GD told me that she has her own ATM/debit card. My first thought was what on earth is her other thinking of?
I have to give some background in formation. My eldest son fell in love at 17 and at the age of about 22 moved out of our home and lived with my GD's mither. They were together for 12 years but never married.
When my GD was 4 years old she suddenly announce=ced that she was in love with someone else so would he eave their home. I knew that they were rumours that this wasn't her first affair but she then wielded great influence over my son so I kept quiet. I have to tell you that we all have treated her with the greatest respect and worked for a good relationship with her as she deserves respect as my GD's mother
My son took this very hard and then went to the U.K. to join his brother and upgrade himself and I kept in touch with GD's mother and GD. I took GD to USA and U.K. to spend time with her Daddy. I work 5 minutes from her school so am avaiabe in any emergency.
The lord moves mysterious ways as in the U.K he met someone that was an acquaintance out here and within a year got married and 10 months after they had twins.mY GD's mother went ballistic but I kept calm and supportive to her.
I always kept a good relationship with my GD's mother and she knew that she could ca on me in any emergency. In fact, they even moved in with me whist looking for a new apartment. I have aways treated her with the greatest respect and remembered her Birthday, Christmas and Mother's day. We get on o.k although she does regret what she dd as she did not stay long with her new BF.
My only criticism is that I have increasingly noticed that she treats her daughter like a companion not as a mother. But I kept quiet. I have to tell you that my GD adores the twins and her stepmother. They all get on great. GD's mother has done an excellent job in raising her but spoils her. With us she does not act spoilt but whatever she asks for her mother gets.
But to have a debit card at nine? I think this is ridiculous as she is never alone -an adult is always,ways with her. So why?
And now this? This money I thought was in a US dollar account along with a the other monies that my children/family have given her towards her college fund. GD told me she has in this account the money earned from TV commercials etc. It is not earning interest.
I guess that I am asking, as I can be so last century, but would you I guess that I am asking as I can be so last century,but would you give a 9 year old a debit card?
I coud not speak to the mother but could speak to my son.
5 people like this
17 responses
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Oct 10
No, I would not. Although, I suppose if it were on her own bank acct, and her own money from allowance or whatever, and she couldn't over spend it because there were limited funds in there, I guess I could see that. I certainly wouldn't give one of the children a debit card on my bank acct.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
There is enough money in there to pay all my bills for nearly 2 months. This money should be with the other money in her US$ account earning interest towards her college education. I honestly do not see the necessity for it.
She is gifted academically and is well rounded as she plays keyboard, drums, and glockenspiel (?) as well as performs in dance and song. She won 3 gold medals out of all the primary school Island wide competitions. She is well grounded and well mannered child but it is all getting ridiculous with the 'stuff' that her Mom gives her. she has her own lap top, an electric motor bike and a roomful of 'stuff'.
My son says he is not in any competition with the Mom as he has stepped up to the plate with financing her private education and paying for all the extras like tennis lessons. He will schedule his work around her and always takes her phone calls despite maybe being on a conference call.He attends all school functions and is always there for her and she knows it. He will take her to community meetings so she can see what he is trying to do for people. But he does not buy her stuff. She gets gifts on Birthdays and Christmas'. I jut hope that it will turn out o.k.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
23 Oct 10
I have an 8yr old and there's not a shot in H E double hockey sticks that she's getting a debit card! She barely gets or deserves any kind of allowance, so I couldn't fantom giving her something so dangerous to use.
Parents still give their teenagers their credit card and when I catch the kid I have to decline the purchase and put it on hold.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
I too think that it is awful as she is not at even High School and doesn't need it. When my daughter was at College then she opened her account so I could put in a monthly allowance for her to buy food. She went to college early -at 16. Actually she was ready at 15 but had to wait a year as they would not take her at 15.
Her mother is making here grow up too quickly. We see her a lot as she likes to be with her Dad and us and when the twins come she spends so much time with us and her mother calls and says how much she misses her so she goes home.
Nothing can replace a mother's love and there is no reason for her to be jealous. She is a good Mom but this latest thing is giving her wrong values.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
24 Oct 10
Most places here do not allow a child to have a debit card w/o the parent being on an account and I'm sure of certain age. Now if she gives her daughter the card w/ her name on it rather than the childs & give the child a pin number then that's her foolishness. Shoot my girls want their own key to the house already. They are too young, never left home alone so what they need one for is beyond me.
Maybe the card is a way to win favor with your GD over your DS?
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
You could be right that it is a way of earning cookie points with my GD. Her GF on her mother's side is a doctor and he gives her mega presents and then 2 of her mother's siblings are lawyers so money is flowing.
Our gifts are modest but given with love. I do not have their money and neither am I in any competition in giving my GD expensive presents.
The more I think about it I think that you are right. Many thanks for y9ur insight. She does have her own card and pin number - my GD told me that the bank alows it out here. I did not know.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
23 Oct 10
NO, I WOULD NOT give her a card like that.My goodness some adults don't even need one. Sounds to me like her mother will do anything to keep her happy & impressed w/her. I admire u for hanging in there w/her all these years & i knowu did it for your grandaughter. I'm glad your grandaughter has u close by . She needs stability from someone & i don't think she'll get it from her mother.hugs.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Her mom is the one who is competing. She's buying her love & that's certainly not a good thing for the little one. My mother did that w/perry & u see how that's turned out.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
Thanks Jo. She is a sweetie but her Mom is just showering her with gifts and not only at Christmas and Birthdays. It is just too much. My son says that he is not in any competition
1 person likes this
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
24 Oct 10
My oldest son has a credit card (actually a few of them) but he is 21 and works full time. My two other children don't have any and they are 12 and 14. I actually don't even think you can get one until you are 17 or maybe 18. Last year for the kids birthdays we did get them a pre-paid Visa card from Walmart. They kept changing their minds on what they wanted for their birthdays so we just put some money on a prepaid visa for each of the two little ones. My daughter loved it because she felt like such a grown up, but my middle son was annoyed and said he would rather have cash. Go figure!
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
26 Oct 10
Somehow I missed answering this discussion- apologies - but I am gad that I did check the responses again as your response is so good.
What my GD has is a regular debit card so the money is withdrawn from her regular account. Apparenty it is eaga out here - and please don't asky me why
So stupid.I spoke to her Dad and he is going to discuss this with her mother. Not sure which way her mother will jump though
What my GD has is a regular debit card so the money is withdrawn from her regular account. Apparenty it is eaga out here - and please don't asky me why
So stupid.I spoke to her Dad and he is going to discuss this with her mother. Not sure which way her mother will jump though1 person likes this
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
27 Oct 10
I can't believe the stores don't question her...paying with a credit card. Now my kids have bank accounts, but I didn't get the debit card that goes with the account. I figured they are not going to spend their money that is suppose to be for savings. Now we do allow them to take out money from their accounts, but they have to check with us first because we are trying to teach them to save and not spend their money frivilously.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
25 Oct 10
Wow, Kathryn will be eight in December and there is no way that I would even consider giving her a debit card. She is pretty irresponsible with the money that we've given to her in the past anyway and I really don't want her to grow up to be irresponsible with money as I did because it's been a very tough road for my husband and myself with money because we learned how to properly handle money together.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
I honestly do not agree with it but am leaving it to my son to speak with my GD's mother. It is just so ridiculous!
@epicure35 (2814)
• United States
25 Oct 10
You are not "last century". The profound values and principles that make for successful living transcend time and are universal.
It is ridiculous for a child to have an ATM card. Yes, they should have bank accounts and learn to be good stewards of money, but that should be a trust account.
Too many adults have become irresponsible re the guidance and raising of their children. They are too self-focused and do not give children what they need: protection, guidance, instruction, and loving care. Material things can never fill the void in a child's heart.
A parent is not a child's "friend", but a responsible authority figure in that child's life whose reasonable service in that capacity is to be a good example and instill wisdom and common sense spiritual principles in their precious children as they are gifts from God. Parents need to be accountable and responsible and sacrificial in their love and giving of their time to those with whom they have been entrusted.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
Thank you for this response and I agree with you wholeheartedly. We had a lovely weekend with her and she played like a kid should. Tennis and games with her Dad and us. It amazes me that she is so sweet and doesn't act spoiled around us. I spoke to my son and he said that he would speak to the mother about it. They do speak well with each other and do not disrespect each other with my GD.
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
23 Oct 10
I am thinking how can she even understand what it's all about....does she know what balance etc she has? I think it's much too young....and I also think that its too young for cell phones etc too...let them have a chance to grow up and be a kid first before putting all those responsibilities on them...having free access to money is a responsibility.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
Oh she has her lap top, cell phone, Ipod or Ipad (cannot remember which) and face book account. She told me exactly what she sum she had in the debit card account. It should be in her foreign exchange account earning interest for College, It is the JA equivalent to over one thousand US dollars. Madness.
We had her for the weekend and there was none of that. She ws engrossed with Origmai and kid things. Using her skateboard and going to the community pool and playing tennis with her Dad.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
24 Oct 10
Hi Cynthiann, Nearly 10 years old seems way to early for a child to haveher own debit card. I think my own daughters first got one when they left school and started working, until the they had a savings accounts which they could draw money from if needed but had to go down with me to the office for me to sign it out for them and then once 16 they could withdraw their own. I am very close to both my daughters but at a young age I was mum, I had to play good cop and bad cop as bought up on my own so needed to strict with them but they are my best friends now they are 24 and 19. I hope you grandaughter is responsible with the money she draws outy. Huggles. Ellie :D
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
I think that it is all ridiculous myself. My daughter had a debit card when she went to College at the age of 16. She finished High School at 15 - very bright. She lived on Campus in the city and came home on Fridays for the weekend but as I was a widow and was working 3 jobs I put money into her account so that she could buy food etc.
I am in total agreement with you ellie
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
24 Oct 10
Wow! No, I don't think a kid that age is responsible enough to have their own ATM card. I wouldn't even let my 13 year old have one.. unless I were a millionaire or something. He can have his own ATM card when he has his own job, his own money, and his own bank account!
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
I just so agree with you. Her Mom is now making noises that she wants her to go to an exclusive private High School that is about US6000 or more a term. I heard my son tell the mother very calmly and pleasantly that he cannot afford to pay for that as he has 3 children so she must know where that kind of money is coming from as he cannot afford it. She can go to a regular High School in the city and live with her aunt or other GM and come home on weekends.
We are not rich people and her ambitions for my GD is ridiculous. Money should be saved for College/University not High School
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
23 Oct 10
are you sure its a real one? also if shes never alone to use it maybe her mother just figures it makes her feel mature and responible so can also keep an eye that she doesnt use it for the wrong things. probably she has told her if shes not responible with it, it will be taken back. of course i wouldnt do it but then ive thought at times im not the best parent ever either
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
Oh yes, it is a real one as I looked closely at it. What I am beefing about is that there is a lot of money in it that my GD earned by doing a TV commercial. This money is supposed to be in her education accountearning interest for College. When I say that she is never alone I mean that an adult is aways with her. I do not know if she has used it when with other people for exampe the parents of a friend that she is ahving a play date with.
She is a good Mom - but is a friend or companion more than a parent.
@bodhisatya (2384)
• India
23 Oct 10
Nope, its not a good practice. Not for this century, not for the last one nor for the centuries to come even.
A child must be treated as a child. 
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
Sound advice Bodhi - I agree with you. My daughter was at College before she had a debit card. I would put in a monthly allowance so that she could buy food.
1 person likes this
@cicisnana (772)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Your GD mother sounds very spoiled and self righteous. If you don't do something, and do it fast your GD will turn out the same way. You have done a great job staying in contact with mother and GD but now it's time to get a little more involved and see if you can stop a disaster in the making.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
The mother knows that I am there in any emergency when my son is off the Island. His wife and children live in Doha (Middle East) where she is working so he visits at Christmas and Easter and they came for 9 weeks in the summer. I have discussed their break up and in public I have always stated that she is a great Mom.
I do know that you are right but will discuss it with my son first and let him deal with it. So if she asks my opinion then I will tell her, very respectfully, that I do not think that it is a great idea at all.
I so appreciate your response and do know that you are right
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
25 Oct 10
No not a debit card!
Both my sons (10 & 4) have bank accounts that I think have bank cards, but definitely debit cards. The only transactions happening with their accounts are deposits from birthdays and christmas. Debits would have to happen when they are old enough.
I guess this is what is hard when relationships are broken. Usually one parent over compensates without thought of whatever the outcome is. I hope your son does speak to the mother regarding this debit card.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
25 Oct 10
Her Mom did not make a good decision on this - especially as so much money is available for her to withdraw. She did a TV commercial and all that money is in this account instead of being in her account earning interest for College. Yes, he is going to speak to her about it. Don't get me wrong she is a good Mom and does invite us to all activities that GD is involved in etc. But this is so stupid!
@queenatiuk (81)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 10
It is not ridiculous at all that kids for today is so fast learner and they be get used to this modern so quick.
They tend to be grown in fast mature way than us in twenty or thirty years ago.
We just can accept the fact that the world is changing especially for our children.
It is the cause of advanced IT too.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
I appreciate your response but she is never alone so why would she need a debit card? The money she has earned from television adverts should be in her education fund. It is a large amount of money that should be earning interest for her.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
When she told me the amount she has in this account I was speechless. It is enough to pay a my bills and keep me going for about 2 months. She is ultra bright Ike my daughter and this money is for her education not for her to draw out at whim., Give her allowance yes, and teach her to manage her allowance but this is crazy.
Gd has openly stated that whatever she wants she just has to ask her mother. When she is with us it is different. For example she may choose three snacks for me to buy but I tell her quietly that I can only buy her one snack so she is to make a choice and she does so willingly with a smile.
Her father explains that he has 3 children to look after so he cannot spend money on just her. And this is o.k. She is delightful child and we all adore her but it is wrong for her Mom not to be a parent like her Dad is.
She is not jeaous of the twins and her greatest delight is to sleep with them. I wish her Mom woud meet soemone else but vshe rarely dates.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
23 Oct 10
Wow… Ten is a little young to have her own debit card! I tend to treat my eight year old more as a friend than a daughter too but she still respects the fact that I am her mother and that I have to dish out the discipline every now and again. I think it is a matter of balance. As far as spoiling goes, we all probably spoil our children a little nowadays but again, it is a matter of balance. I don’t buy my child everything she asks for because I couldn’t afford to and by doing so I would give her an unhealthy sense of entitlement which would not help her in life as an adult. Some people attempt to buy their children’s love or compensate for the lack of time they spend together with stuff and more stuff. It doesn’t work and in some cases, over spoiling can become almost abusive...
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
23 Oct 10
Her Mom has her own thriving business that she does from home and so is there for her daughter before and after school.It s just that it would be healthy if she went out even with girls for a night or dated occasionally. You are so right about balance - but the Mom needs balance in her life too.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Sometimes adults mis-manage money so why on earth would anyone think it would be okay for a child to manage money in a debit card.
She is prepping the child to be irresponsible in the future as most kids this age believe that as long as their is a bank account money comes easy. Quite the contrary.
I do not think there is anything you can say to the mother as she is going to feel that you are med-ling in her business, when all you are trying to do is forewarn. So you can speak to your son about it, however ultimately he probably will not do much to change it as the mother has given it to her and well does he even know she has it or is he so madly in love with her that maybe anything you say he may not listen to kindly either.
As much as you may want to try there perhaps is not much you can do, outside of saying I told you so later and well that may make things even worse later, as children when they grow up do not like to be told what to do by their parents, even though it is wisdom guidance they still do not like it.
