a more sentimental post from one not so sentimental
@flowerchilde (12529)
United States
November 17, 2010 4:49pm CST
You should see my mother.. she's such a little person.. and she has rheumatoid arthritis, so she's gotten littler.. my parents were quite mean to us kids/ some very strange goings on and all.. but i've forgiven them.. make it point a to go home and visit every year.. but I'm not a good phone caller.. now I have a cell phone and have had for a while, but I hardly ever call.. I hate calling people. If I have to make a call it hangs over my head like a dark threat.. (life lesson, it does no good to procrastinate, things either pile up making it worse, or ya worry about it til you do it, just do it is easier!) And I never made my kids send thank-you cards when my mom faithfully sent gifts or money to them at every important occasion.. In my own defense, I got some very independent children, and if there's one thing my childhood especially taught me, it's to like the path of least resistance, so just plain laziness kept me from making them be nicer and send thank you cards.. But now I'm feeling poorly, because I know my mother is feeling a bit down in the dumps.. she takes offense/gets hurt so easily, and has very few loved ones close around her.. I decided some time ago that I would like to be my mother's friend, a good friend..
- I want to apologize for not making the kids send think-you cards to her for gifts she sent, etc. I think I'll just start out with "you know I always felt bad..."
- How would you approach it? or how do you apologize if you feel you should?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
18 Nov 10
At first I was kinda sorry I went ahead and posted this discussion
, but I'm glad I did, because I have really enjoyed each response! Thanks, Lakota!(12)
, but I'm glad I did, because I have really enjoyed each response! Thanks, Lakota!(12)
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Nov 10
I have an online male friend who was originally six foot four inches tall. He went to the doctor afew years back and was told he was two inches shorter. Weird or what? I worked in customer service for nearly thirty years and I don't want to get on the phone either. I have stress issues so I just try to do and get it over with. Either that or the stomache starts to ache, I get shakey, even get a rash sometimes. I have become quite outspoken over the years. I feel that life is just too short and if things need to be said you better say them. I can't always promise tact or sweetness but I can promise love and a good laugh. Just do it. It never is as bad as it seem in your head and you will be relieved to have it over and done. Believe me, I know about the path of least resistance and it full of ruts and rocky crags. Don't regret not having said things you know you obviously feel anyway.
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
18 Nov 10
Personally, I feel parents do not bear any grudges against their children. I am sure you feel the same too. I do think your mother will be glad that you want to be her good friend. A love you card or a cake might do wonders. How about a hug and a kiss. I am sure she will not take not offence.
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
18 Nov 10
You know, I think I'm starting to realize that she probably knows how much I love her, as every time I see her i give her a soft kiss on her cheek and a hug, and if I don't like calling (she's always mad at someone) I think little notes and letters with pictures could pick up the slack, as I only get to see her once a year.. Thanks!
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
19 Nov 10
Personally, I would not apologize for that at all. If your kids want to reestablish contact with her, my feeling is that is up to them. I would not apologize for not calling either. I might, on the other hand, say something like, "I was just thinking how much the kids enjoy all those gifts you sent them over the years."
I might also make more of an effort to call. On the other hand, I am 100% with you about hating to call, and if you don't have time and/or don't feel uplifted after talking with her on the phone that is on her not on you. You are not the mother, she is. If she is destitute you might want to ensure that she has her basic needs fulfilled, but being her doormat is not one of them. If she has few loved ones around her, maybe that is a result of her own choices. If not, she could undoubtedly reach out and make friends on her own.
Have you ever heard of the term passive/aggressive? She was mean to you once, don't let her drag you down now, no matter how vulnerable she appears to be.
1 person likes this
@bestboy19 (5478)
• United States
18 Nov 10
It's hard for me to know how to respond to this. I had such wonderful parents who, without a doubt, loved all their children. Perhaps spending more time with your mother and letting her know that you love her would be as good an apology as saying, I'm sorry.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
17 Nov 10
Flower-
I would say that you just "start". Send her a Christmas/Yule card and open the door. If she sends them gifts have them write out thank you notes as soon as they receive the gifts (and open them). Have them begin sending her little updates. As for you just start sending notes. If she has a cell phone or house phone try just a quick check up on her. You can give yourself the advantage by sending a written note first letting her know you'll start calling more often to check on her, and when you call you can let her know you don't have long to chat but wanted to check in. This will allow you to start to build that relationship again.
Just keep in mind that things may not go as you like. She may be defensive and resentful. That is her issue, she has to decide if she wants to work at a relationship as well. It's always a two-way street.
Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
18 Nov 10
You know, I think I'll start having us all send her pictures.. I sent her a small album once with some current pictures concerning an event of some sort, and she loved it! thanx!
@lingli_78 (12821)
• Australia
18 Nov 10
your post is very emotional and show lots of feelings inside it... and i feel that you have good intention to apologise to your mother... so just go for it... you have to start somewhere and the rest will become easier... if you are not ready to say the word 'sorry' in front of your mother yet, then just start by sending her a 'sorry' card and express your feelings inside it... from there, you can continue to show your remorse by showing more concerns to your mum and treating her better... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
