Professionalism, Civility and Getting Along... without Giving In.

Hi Ted, I really don't understand why it is so difficult for some people to find a spot where they can be civil and even friendly towards each other regardless of differences. I really think it is a matter of priorities for some. I have worked with some very disagreeable people, I've worked for some pretty harsh bosses, I've gone through a very painful divorce from an abusive marriage etc etc. My main priority with all of these people was to find a way to be civil and respectful towards each other. They were not people I could just avoid being around. I had children with my ex and I need to work so the goal was to find peace. It wasn't so hard at all. I have a friend who has been a very close friend of mine for over 40 years. We were kids when we made a pact to not let anybody or anything come between our friendship including ourselves. If we ever were to get angry at each other(which we couldn't imagine at the time). Over the years we've had our very differing views and lifestyles etc. We've gotten right up in each others faces and sworn we'd never speak to the other again...NEVER! A few days would pass...sometimes a little longer but one or the other of us always made that first move towards making peace. It's so easy but you have to want it and I think some people just love the conflict and drama. They thrive on it, actually.

Easier said than done, ParaTed. We have 2 generations now that were taught that they should be respected and that their self esteem is the most important thing on earth and in their life. Someone disagreeing with them means disrespect and malice. Grudges are healthy because they protect that precious self esteem. If someone is "disrespected" they have a right to shoot the one who "disrespected" them. With attitudes like this, it's no wonder there is very little civility in this country.

You are right, however being the "better man" is very hard sometimes. It may take effort...

I think what you wrote at the end of your post is how it USED to be among Senators and House members. I know it's how it always was among my co-workers at the post office! We had some diverse views on politics, religion and other "controversial" topics and we could get into some rather heated debates on the workroom floor but at the end of the day we were all friends, actually VERY close, like family. Basically, our views on these subjects are just a small part of what we are as people. Even those whose job it is to deal with these issues, it shouldn't be what totally defines them as human beings. That's why it admittedly gets under my skin when I'm accused of "hating" someone based on their politics. For one thing, "hate" is something I reserve for the truly evil, like Hitler. Also, I don't even "dislike" someone based on their political views. They have every right to their opinions just as I have a right to mine. I might not like a person's attitude or manner but that can be said of people from all stripes, political and otherwise. One more thing - when I talk about changing our discourse, being more civil and stopping the combative and possibly violent rhetoric, I'm referring to MYSELF as much as anyone else. I'm not a politician or a TV or radio pundit but I feel I should watch what I say and think before I speak as much as the next person. Annie