If you exhibit emotion, does that make you a bad guy?
By bounce58
@bounce58 (17380)
Canada
January 19, 2011 12:58pm CST
I work in an office setting which in most cases considered professional. But we can’t help it sometimes that one’s actions will stir emotions, and sometimes even outburst of disagreement or conflict between staff. In an effort to maintain calm and order we are encouraged to maintain professional at all time.
But when there is an outburst, or an exhibition of emotion, this person is often regarded as a ‘bad guy’. Not only for disrupting the status quo, but also for escalating issues that others are already amenable.
I think this is also applicable to relationships as well. If a couple always give in to each other’s misgivings, the relationship remain steady and stable. But if one gets angry for whatever reason, the other would regard the partner as the bad guy in the relationship.
Would you agree with this idea? Are there any emotional people in your workplace? Would you consider them bad guys? How about your partner? Do they turn out to be bad guys once in a while?
3 people like this
10 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
20 Jan 11
this is coming from a person who was taught , wrongly, that I wasn't allowed to have Any emotion , I welcome Any emotion, in any environment. Thankfully, at my workplace we are even keeled. In my relationship , we talk about Everything. would you believe me if I told you we haven't fought?
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
23 Jan 11
They say that fighting is just part of a relationship. And a way to learn from each other.
But personally, I'd rather not fight. Specially if we could talk about it even before things happen. And that each have an understanding of where we're coming from, and what are our views.
So, I think it is possible, and you're very lucky.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
19 Jan 11
I don't know. I work alone in my office although I have staff on property that have to be checked.
When I was teaching the tension in the staff room could be unbearable at times as the teachers did not cooperate.
If my husband and I differed then he would always diffuse the emotion with humour. We would end up laughing.
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
22 Jan 11
I can totally see that! In a staff room full of teachers, and you being angry, then the other teachers thinking of you as a 'bad guy'.
I can also see somebody diffusing tension by making others laugh, perceived to be an all-around good guy.
Your husband must be that kind of good guy!
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Jan 11
There's nothing wrong with anger. It's what you do with it. If you get all out of control and start attacking people (physically or verbally), that's a major problem. If you can channel your anger and use it productively, there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Like if you buy something and it's broken and you try to do a return and run into red tape, there's nothing wrong with letting the person know you're angry and that you want to talk to a supervisor or somebody who can give you some satisfaction, but if you start cussing them out or threatening them or breaking things, that's outside the "rules" of a civilized society.
@megamatt (14290)
• United States
20 Jan 11
Not justifying this or anything, but it can make you looked down upon as not being anything professional. It is not for the right reason, but really there are just a lot of things in life where if you lose your cool, people will look at you in a bad manner, thing of you to be some kind of hot headed person. I think that we all have our breaking points but really, very few people are not going to see the lead up. Rather they are going to see the conclusion and without context, it can be something difficult to reconcile to say the very least.
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
24 Jan 11
That is the most difficult thing in an office setting. If you become branded as emotional, or lacking professionalism, it could hinder you from other successes in the workplace. It would always come up in appraisal, and will give others reason to pass on you for promotions or development.
Thanks.
@figurativeme (1089)
• Philippines
20 Jan 11
I think it is a natural human reaction that in an argument or difference of opinion, the "other" is the bad guy and the "I" the good guy or the "other" does not understand and "I" the misunderstood. I don't think that giving in makes a relationship stable as unresolved issues leave a bad taste in the mouth like "I know I am right!"
I think it would be better to talk the issue out in a mature and objective way. And if opinions still differ, as it most probably will, both has to agree to disagree and come up with a common ground where they could meet and resolve the issue...a win-win situation. Difficult but not impossible. In unresolved issues, though allowed to pass by giving in (all right you win!), resentments still remain and thoughts like--I know I am right! And this will put a momentary strain in the relationship. 
Have a nice day bounce!
Have a nice day bounce!@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
24 Jan 11
Hello figurativeme.
I totally agree with you. It is always "I" the misunderstood, which makes the other person the 'bad guy'. It doesn't matter if it were work or in a relationship, we (I mean, me) always take up that stand.
And yes, it is a strain, which is so very difficult to resolve.
Thanks.
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
4 Feb 11
Showing your emotions ,like getting angry or having a dispute at the office, doesn't necessarily make you the bad guy. It depends on the situation.
If you are the one who provoked the anger of another , then maybe you are the "bad" guy. If you are right in what you are trying to say in a dispute, then you are not the "bad" guy.
But as professionals, we should learn how to tame our anger. We should learn how to be calmer in trying to point out or differences.
But then, we are just humans and as humans we sometimes have our "boiling point" too.
@maean_19 (4656)
• Philippines
20 Jan 11
Maybe yes, and maybe not. In a workplace environment, I think when there are disagreements, there has to be a need to avoid personal matters or personal attack. One must control his/her emotions and act professionally. In relationships, I think an outburst of anger is normal. But it also needs to be controlled and apologize thereafter.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
20 Jan 11
i got this from time to time because i am emotional person and i am not afraid displaying it in any kind of setting
personally i don't label anyone a bad person when emotion is displayed
what i label a bad person is cheaters, liars, bigots, manipulating people (most of them are good in office politics), irresponsible/immature people and fanatics
i hate these groups so much i will do all i can to get even if they ever wrong me
i know the difference between pure mistakes and intentional
so it's not hard for me to know whether a person is really bad or it's just one f those days when everything goes wrong
i am learning to forgive and walk away, but usually with these people it's hard for me to do it
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
23 Jan 11
You've brought a different side to the discussion. There are people who are really like these. People who are out to get other people in trouble. Mostly, then liars and bigots. And yes, they are usually the ones displaying the emotions when things don't go their way.
I don't have any trouble labelling them as bad guys too, emotion or not.
@sender621 (14889)
• United States
20 Jan 11
Emotions need to be released. Keeping your emotions bottled up inside is not good for anyone or any situation. it does not make you a bad person to let your emotions out. it just makes you human.@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
24 Jan 11
Hello sender621.
I completely agree with you that it need not be supressed. That it should be released otherwise suffer other worse consequences. But I also believe that there is a place and time for everything. And sometimes the workplace isn't it.
Thanks.
@toniganzon (77084)
• Philippines
20 Jan 11
I have seen a lot of emotional outbursts in the company that i was involves in before and it caused a lot of trouble. Yes the person was regarded as a bad guy. However, i don't want to label that person as a bad guy because we are only humans. We can't control our emotions all the time, we can't get along with everybody all the time. We can't be expected to be perfect all the time.
In my relationship, I am the one who is usually bursting out my emotion as i am a woman who would like to speak out for myself and tell everything that i considered worth bursting out. Good to know that my partner has too much love for me that he can't seem to let me go that easily.
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
23 Jan 11
But I think that is the test of professionalism in the workplace. On how you can control your emotions even when everything about you is already screaming. To control your human emotions.
In a relationship, I don't exepect people to control emotions though. As this is a way to improve the relationship.
Thanks.
