Benchmarks in Our Family!

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I am convinced that observing benchmarks in our children's development served three purposes: celebrated accomplishments or goals attained or milestones reached; served as guideposts; and served as opportunities for communication. We decided it would be good for my wife to take each of our daughters in turn on a weekend retreat on their 12th birthday. In that setting mother and daughter would talk about becoming a young woman, physically & emotionally. A second benchmark observance we held was what we called "First Date." I took them on their first date on their 15th birthday. I rented a big car, bought them a new dress, a piece of jewelry, and a corsage. I took them each to the finest restaurant in Houston and they were allowed to order anything on the menu. In the course of the conversation I would remind the girls that despite the fancy car and find clothes and the sparkling jewels and the enchanting surroundings, that I was still just their dad. I urged them to remember that when they began a relationship with a young man. I asked them to be sure to look past all the things he might bring to them in order to win their affection, and to see the man behind the things. The next big benchmark for our children took place on their 18th birthday. We called this "The Blessing." On this night all of the family members, including grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins came together for a big meal. After the meal each of the adults in attendance would make a statement of their love for the child being blessed, as well as presenting a picture of the future they wished for the child. Most of the presenters would also make written copies of their blessing, which we would assemble in a book to be given to the honoree. We also videotaped the evening, so that it could be easily reviewed by the child as they came to moments when they needed to be encouraged. Our girls are now in or near their 40s, but these benchmarks have become part of their makeup. And we're very glad that we took the time and effort to observe them. Do you observe benchmarks in your family?