If you were the parent...
By Jess
@JJ4Ever (4693)
United States
February 9, 2011 9:23pm CST
This past weekend, a couple hosted a Superbowl party at their house. They had a really nice place that was decorated to their taste, and they liked to keep everything looking nice, especially for their guests on this particular evening.
The hostess could not relax and enjoy the party at all because she had become concerned very early on in the evening. A pair of siblings kept running around the house, definitely not respecting the fact that it was not their own home. You can probably guess what happened—the 8-year-old and 10-year-old managed to break a pair of floor lamps.
Their mother was a single mom and friend of the host and hostess so, of course, she offered to pay for the replacement of the lamps. The couple hosting the party liked to have nice things so the lamps had been purchased for $200 apiece. The single mom gawked when she found out how much it would be to replace the two lamps. She told the couple she did not have the money and would not be able to pay for them after all. In the end, the hostess told the single mom not to worry about it, but her husband was still furious.
This had not been the first offense. A little while earlier, the two children were over to visit the host and hostesses’ kids. During that previous visit they broke a picture window, and their mom did not pay for that damage either.
After the second offense, the host wanted to ban the children from his house completely. It was not about the money to replace the broken items; it was the fact that the issue kept repeating itself each time these kids were at the house. The 8-year-old and 10-year-old were good friends with the couple’s kids, but their father still wanted to keep the other kids from coming over anymore.
If you were the host or hostess in this scenario, how would you handle this situation?
2 people like this
6 responses
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
10 Feb 11
Hi JJ,
Well ages 8 & 10 is certainly old enough to know better. If I were the host and hostess, I would probably react pretty much how they did....maybe have some words with boys on how they were expected to behave in my house if they wanted to continue to visit. I would also talk to the mom because clearly she has done nothing to help things. I am a single mom also so I can relate to her dilema over not being able to afford to pay for those things. Still, I would feel I owed it. I would put my boys to work doing chores around the house and I'd pay a little off each week until it was paid. Maybe the boys could do some work for the host to help pay for it.
1 person likes this
Well, my kids were sure not perfect but I will say that it was rare that they would act out in someone elses home. If they did, we dealt with it right then and there.@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 Feb 11
It's great getting a response from a single mom because you can really relate to how this woman must feel! I think you would've handled it much better too. I agree with you that the kids should help their mom out in paying for the broken items because then they can learn what it's like to pay something off after having damaged it. It teaches them some responsibility so that they'll think twice the next time they go to someone's house and decide to be rowdy! I think you would've handled this situation perfectly. Of course, if they were your kids they probably wouldn't have been misbehaving in the first place either! Thank you for your response!
@pibi713 (187)
• China
15 Aug 11
I think there is something wrong with the single mother.When her kids broke someone
else' properties, she refused to paid for them just becuse she didin't have money. It is mean to act like that. That probably how she educate her kids. Obviously, the two kids didin't get a good family education. I would be furious too if I was the host.I would not not ban the two kids out of my house, but probably I would not invite them again.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
15 Aug 11
That's probably a really great solution to this problem long-term. You wouldn't have to tell the children not to come anymore, but you also wouldn't invite them over either. I never thought of it that way, but I really think that would work! I'm sure the single mom would get the picture eventually lol. It's unacceptable to allow children to act like that anywhere. It's sad that she didn't even seem embarrassed or surprised by their behavior. You're also right that the education these kids are receiving by their mom isn't right. She's teaching them that they can do anything and get away with it. Ten or fifteen years down the road when the kids are adults, can drive, etc., guess what they're going to try getting away with then because the learning that they could when they were younger. It's scary to think about!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
10 Feb 11
If I were the parent, my 8 and 10 year old wouldn't be allowed to run around and wreck things at someone's home! These kids are old enough to know how to behave. After the first time this happened, I wouldn't be taking my kids over to anyone's place ...especially not this home...for a very long time till I was sure they learnt how to behave.
If I was the hostess, I wouldn't be able to ban them (I'm too nice) but I'd be as furious as the husband is and would loved to have banned them.It wouldn't be about the money or replacing the items, they wouldn't be a good influence on my kids either. And if their mother isn't going to teach them about respecting others' property, then I wouldn't want them in my home either. My husband wouldn't let me ban them even if I wanted to....so, I would make sure that they are confined in one room when they visit next and also make sure that there wasn't anything that they could break there. Or else, play outside the house is the other option (I usually do this with kids who are too active. I send my kids down to play with them and they are safer outside than my things inside:P)
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 Feb 11
I agree with you wholeheartedly! One thing I didn't think about when I posted this discussion was what a bad influence these kids whole have on the host and hostesses kids. For that reason, if I were the parent, I would definitely try to discourage too strong a friendship between the kids. An 8- and 10-year-old really should know better, but if the parents (or in this case, the single mom) hasn't taught them any better, they're both in the wrong. Yes, the best place for kids to place is outside! (Now I know why my siblings and I were so good at climbing trees when we were younger - lol!) The saddest thing is when parents don't train and then expect their kids to show them respect. In turn, they will respect their other authority, and other people's property, for that matter. You're exactly right that it's really not about the money. It's a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
10 Feb 11
I think it is bizarre how the kids are not been taught how to respect others and how to value things. Who would want kids like that at your house when inviting them would mean inviting in trouble? It indeed scares me to have kids like that around who has not been instilled the minimum values from parents.
My nieces are absolutely dolls but the nephew is a whirlwind who would take you by storm. Having said this, he is a sweetheart when he visits someone else's house. He knows when and how to. At an age of 4 he certainly would not develop it just like that. Therein lays the role of parenting.
How would I have handled the situation? May be I would have talked to the parents personally later and ask them why the kids behave like that. I would ask them to have a proper parenting counseling. Also, if the kids' hyperactivity related to any ADHD syndrome. I do feel that the parents have the major part to play in this.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
11 Feb 11
I couldn't agree with you more that the childrens' behavior is a direct effect of the single mom not following through on the rules (if there are any rules). I'm not a parent yet, but I know that it's a full-time and continuous job for as long as the kids are alive. You can't slack off on being a parent because your kids will be the ones hurting. Kids are so precious and definitely worth it to have time invested in them such as teaching them proper standards. You are very wise - thank you for your response!
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
10 Feb 11
This is just incredible. First off, single parent or not, those children are at the age they should know better. Secondly, I would have handled it just like I have before, it is my house. If the parent of the child/children is not going to say anything or make them behave, I will. I would have told those two longgg before anything was broken, to sit down and stay put! If the parent didn't like me disciplining their children, they would be more than welcome to leave. As for replacing the broken items, that is not the principle of the situation. It was nice that she offered to replace them, however, they shouldn't have been broken in the first place. The one thing it does show, on the part of the parent, obviously those two children are not disciplined at home. If they were, they would not act like that when at other peoples homes.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
12 Feb 11
I couldn't have said it better myself! You're right that the focus shouldn't be placed on the broken items. It's not about the lamps or the money; it's about the fact that the kids weren't trained properly. It makes me wonder if the single was embarrassed. I mean, I'm sure she was displeased with the outcome, but the kids really should've known better. I like your philosophy on how things are handled in your home. With kids like that running around, the only way to keep the house standing is to do things your way! Thanks for your response. I'm completely behind you!
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@agrim94 (3805)
• India
10 Feb 11
Hi JJ,
First thing about hostess can not relax , well this is true in all kind of parties because it is her duty to see that everyone is enjoying the party thrown by her. About second thing , definitely if i was host i would simple smile and say same what she said to that lady not to worry about it but definitely would be furious as this is not fault of the children but their upbringing and yes i would make sure this thing dont happen third time so if that lady is not like my sister or something , she wont be invited for sure.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
15 Aug 11
I think the hostess was unnecessarily put in a tough spot - making sure everyone was having a good time and then having to deal with the kids who she shouldn't have to discipline or deal with since they aren't her children! I'm really glad you'd be the right kind of host as no one wants to be in that type of situation.
