Sister only calls when she needs something!!

United States
February 17, 2011 12:39pm CST
Hello Mylot community. I have 3 sisters, but the youngest one calls only when she needs something, which really upset my mom. It upset her because my sister wants my mom to watch and/or raise her kid for her, so she can run off and join the National Guard, but aren't they the first (or second) to get called when something goes down? I am upset because my mom is upset, she is nearing 60, and already helped me raise my kid 20 years ago. In fact, I don't know how my mom still runs a daycare, but my sister only calls her or me when she needs something, never just to say hello or to talk. What would you do?
8 people like this
24 responses
@terryt52 (245)
• United States
17 Feb 11
If your mother helped you raise your children then why shouldn't she help your sister. She is running a day care so she is able. I do not care what the situation is if my children are trying to better their lives and need help with their children I would help in any way that I could. I do not know why you are upset if she helped you I could understand if she didn't help you. and being a good sister maybe you could help mom if she needs help.
• United States
17 Feb 11
Maybe I should just keep this between my sister and my mom, but my mom called me today in complaining about it, for she has enough demands placed on her already in raising my sister's first son. I would help out, but I barely am surviving myself finacially, and I do not live close enough to my mom to be readily available to do so, even if I wanted to. Thinking at mom's age, 59, she is just burnt out from it all?
• United States
17 Feb 11
I should try to be more open-minded though, for my mom did help me after all. I just think her resources (my mom's) are not what they used to be. If I could afford to help my sister, I would. Maybe I am just hurt cause she never calls me either, unless something is wrong or when she needs something. She never calls just to say hello, and we use to be so close.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (127120)
• United States
17 Feb 11
If your sister is gone, and it making money from being gone, she should have a portion of her salary sent to your mom. That would help the stress, I am sure.Then your mom could perhaps cut back on the day care.
• United States
17 Feb 11
My mother helped my sister raise three kids. I raised my one on my own. I never got over that at all. We all lived within tow blocks of each other at the time. I thinkk if she is doing something to better her life someone should take care of the child. Or she should ask the fathers side for the help. It would be different if she was just partying all night. Helping you and having a day care means she is still able to help her daughter.
• United States
17 Feb 11
My mom is burnt out though, from runnig the daycare, and is no longer 40 though, like when I had my son. I was barely out of highschool, and she was just starting her daycare then. I realize that what my mom did for me, she should do for the other adult children, but the situation is different, for my sister has already left one child of her's with her to raise, whereas I did not. I'm not comparing, or judging in no way, but my mom I feel is already tired from raising my younger sister's son, who has been in her house since he was born. My situation is a little different because although I did join the military, I did visit my son often while serving, and when I came back out and into the civilian world, my son went to live with his father after mym other and I took good care fo him. My younger sister doesn't even visit her 12 year old son, excpet once every few years. So maybe this is why I feel like telling her to knock it off already.
@ElicBxn (61143)
• United States
18 Feb 11
determine that she's not really wanting to be part of the family and say "good bye" and let her fend for herself!
• United States
18 Feb 11
Thank you for responding ELicBxn!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 11
i would tell her that you think she needs to communicate more and not just ask for things. she needs to realize that you are not a tool. but that you are family and should not be taken for granted. If she needs somthing, she should at least inquire on your needs and contribute indstead of just trying to get things from you
• United States
18 Feb 11
You took the words right out of my mouth, bryan3002!! Family should not be taken for granted nor as tools. She could give a little, ya know?
@kukueye (1761)
• Malaysia
18 Feb 11
ya sibling to that.Especially those of the youngest in the family.Because they know family will try their best to help each other and usually don said NO.i guess if your want this to change especially those demands that are too much , then have to start to said NO to them.Haha.Prepare for arguement and fight to occur.I guess sometime younger sibling have to be taught to be more considerate and independent.
• United States
18 Feb 11
Thank you for responding kukueye!
• Philippines
18 Feb 11
i have also a brother. im supporting him on his study, a full support. Yeah, so upset also because like your sister, he only calls when he needs money, allowances, tuition, projects, rentals, etc. he never ask me "how are you, what's up". Very thoughtless person either. sometimes i texted him bout his attitude.
• United States
18 Feb 11
God forbid anyone says anything to my baby sister, for mom will be there backing her up the second anyone does.
@Artiey (16)
• Brazil
18 Feb 11
I know a lot of people like your sister. Many of my friends or relatives only comunicate when they need something from me. They don't even try to hide their pure interest in taking some kind of advantadge from me. I suggest you to do what I did, which is: making clear that you won't let them use you anymore. In your case is difficult because it's your sister but I really think she needs this kind action to wake up to life.
• United States
18 Feb 11
She does need to wake up a little!
@potche (2)
17 Feb 11
for me ,nothing goes wrong if you still entertaining your sister. If she will call you or say Hi and want's to talk..Well as you said is really upsetting the one who has a behavior like that. ONLY CALLS WHEN SHE NEEDS SOMETHING. But, as my concern ,as long as your help is really grateful and help her/him a lot that's it.. you can say " ENOUGH" sometimes.I know they will surely understand that not all the time you"re there to help, cause you had also your own lives to be in need..
• United States
18 Feb 11
Thank you potche for responding!
@lilaclady (28226)
• Australia
17 Feb 11
There are a lot of people like this these days, its a very "Me" world today and if anything is said to her it would probably cause one big rift in the family, it is hard to know what the best thing to do is, for the sake of the kids maybe the family just have to accept the selfishness ...
• United States
18 Feb 11
Thank you for your advice, Lilaclady!
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
17 Feb 11
I would say that your mother should point that out....that she only calls when she need something.. I have someone who also does the same thing to me....I just blow it off though as I don't want to raise a bunch of stink.
• United States
17 Feb 11
Thank you for your insights, jillhill! Guess I am just concerned that my mom might be taken advantage of, for my sister would always leave her first child with my mom whenever she wanted to party with her friends. she would just take off for days, and I think my mom is worried the same thing might happen to her second child, Jacob, if she choose to join the National Guard.
@GardenGerty (127120)
• United States
17 Feb 11
If your mom wants to say "no" she needs to do that. If your sister is joining the National Guard, it is a good thing. She will have a boot camp, and perhaps a training, then she will have a duty weekend, and summer camp. It will give her more job skills and some vital training. Yes, in the case of a national disaster or emergency the National Guard is called out and they use their training to protect people and do as much as they can to preserve the peace. It is not like she is asking your mom to permanently take care of her child. I am sorry that you guys do not feel like you hear from the little sister that much. Do you ever initiate contact? Do you ever call her? Sometimes the baby of the family seems to be a bit spoiled. They do not know the same skills about getting along as the older ones.
• United States
17 Feb 11
Hi GardenGerty, you are right, I cannot speak up for my mom, she has to be the one to say no or yes, that is on her, but my mom is also alreayd permanently raising her first child, which is probably why my mom is hesitant. Can't say as I blame her.
@sender621 (14933)
• United States
17 Feb 11
I am the oldest of four children. My only sister is the youngest. We call and visit each other all of the time. We don't need a reason. i have two younger brothers. I have one brother that I seem to hear from more if he is in need of something. I can sympathize with you in your sister situation. all you can do is love them and show them they don't have to need something to be in your life.
• United States
17 Feb 11
Good point, sender621! I am also the oldest out of five chidlren on my mother's side, and I can relate to your saying all I can do is love them and try to show them that they don't have to need something to be in my or my mom's life. It just seems that my youngest sister, Nina, is a little ego-centric in thinking about herself, in contrast to others in the situation. For she doesn't really think about how much money my mom is currently spending on her first son, now living with her, to raise him. I think part of the problem is that she was only 14 when she had her first son. She was just too young, a babay raising a baby, whereas I was older. Not by much, but growing up as the oldest in her household, I think I had a better sense of what needed to be done to raise kids, cause I watched my mom do it, and I took after her in helping her with my borthers and sisters myself, especially when my step-dad left the picture. I love my sister, I always will, but she was raised different from me. I had to work to get everything I have, wheraeas all Nina had to do was bat an eye, so maybe there is a little jealousy or sibling rivalry, even after 37 years. (and I'm supposed to be the more mature one, haha.)
• Philippines
1 Apr 14
well talk to your sister and tell her about your burdens about what she been doing try to reach her in a way that she can understand the situation and to your mother. tell her that your mom could not watch kids anymore considering the age of your mother suggest her that she can get a nani to watch her kids instead.
@cream97 (29152)
• United States
2 Jun 11
Hi. towongfoo27. This is really up to your mom. I can understand where you are coming from when you say that your mom has already helped you to raise your kids. I hope that, your sister will be able to find someone that is willing to take care of her child. Hopefully, her child's father, or his mother, will decide to chip in and lend their helping hand too. I mean after all he is the father of her child too. I guess your sister feels that it is so much more easier for her mom to take care of her child being that she runs a daycare. I would think, why not? But, your mom only knows her limits on how much that she can handle though.
@mspitot (3828)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Whoa...that is not good but in my case, if I were in your shoes, I can't let my sister down though I can get really irritated.
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
1 Mar 11
How often do we hear stories from people who have no-one to tun to for help when they need it? I feel it's important that family are there for each other but not to take blind advantage of. Your sister seems to be neglecting her child and your Mum has accepted the responsibility from her...both are wrong as I see it and now things have to change. I feel sorry for the kid. Maybe you could step up and help out a bit?
@nangisha (3502)
• Indonesia
21 Feb 11
We still living in the same house but I had many relative who calls just for asking a help. Like they wanna come and stay for few day or they wanna borrow a money. At first I feel its OK but at the end its start to bothers us. When people like this keep coming. There is a year we almost had company who need to be feed and serve. they not even our close relative.
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
18 Feb 11
Hi Towongfoo As far as I am concerned your Sister has no right to expect this of your Mum, your Mum has done her bit Ok help your Sister yes but not be made to take over, your Sister needs to start being more responsible and before asking for Favors all the time, she needs to start caring for her Family by calling regular and not just when she needs something I hope that your Mum will refuse and tell her to stand up to her responsibility which is her Child and not going of somewhere, she brought the little one into the world it is her responsibility
@raj7shot (842)
• India
18 Feb 11
Even my sisters are not having good contact with me.. If they need any help from me they will call unless not.. But i am not like tat atleast Weekly once i had used to contact them either by phone or directly...
@34momma (13891)
• United States
18 Feb 11
that's up to your mother. she has to put her foot down. you can't just complain you need to take action. i personally would say something to my sister. my sister can be like this too. but i let her know, you are a grown woman and you need to be responsible for yourself and your own child