Do you think this will cause a break in my relationship?

United States
March 17, 2011 6:36pm CST
I moved back home over a week ago when my daughter got beat up. Adrian is very upset that I chose to go home. But,I told him there is nothing that will make me leave my child home alone while the ex is out of jail. well he got busted yesterday. I was planning on goin for the weekend but said if she does not want to leave I am staying home with her. Adrian sai he does not see the relationship going any furter unless she moves out. I told him I will not be putting my child out either. But this to me is causing a riff because I feel after seeing my daughter he should understand why I want to be home. He should also choose to stay with me a while after I stayed with him over 4 months straight.
5 people like this
18 responses
• United States
18 Mar 11
You boyfriend is mad and this is sad for you. Sounds like you feel torn between the both of your boyfriend and your daughter. Very tough situation giftsandbagscom because as a mother I would be with my daughter always but my heart will still want to be with him. But we as mothers will always stand for our children. I have daughter too and we live alone. I miss companion but he was so bad so I live with my daughter alone. You will do the right thing and talk to your boyfriend he will understand. Have A Nice Day.
• United States
18 Mar 11
I talked to him today and he said he will stay here with me. It is becoming an argument everyday and I am tired of it.
• United States
19 Mar 11
Don't let get you down gifts do what your heart tells you is right.
• United States
18 Mar 11
This man is, in my opinion very selfish. Any man who would force someone to choose between their child and them is no man at all. I feel you would be better off without him.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29151)
• United States
18 Mar 11
I agree with motororizedmillie here. If Adrian does not want you to be with your daughter at a time like this, then he needs to get a kick with rock hard azz a boot!
@cream97 (29151)
• United States
18 Mar 11
I agree with motororizedmillie here. If Adrian does not want you to be with your daughter at a time like this, then he needs to get a kick with rock hard azz boot!
@palonghorn (5483)
• United States
18 Mar 11
First off, he knew you had a daughter when you got together. And if he is the type that would make you 'chose' between the two, I'd say you are better off knowing now. I have been divorced for 6 years, I have two grown daughters, 22 and 28, but the few times I have been with someone, it was clear....my daughters mean the world to me and if they needed me, I was there, if at all possible. But on the same token, they also had a child/children, and I would expect nothing less than for them to step up of their kid needed them. I would not get upset over that. I can't see your relationship going any further either, if he is already giving you choices about your daughter, he will never like the relationship you have with her. Better to know now then later. Good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 11
I am with you on this one. I am not going to put my child second to any man in this case ever.
@shaggin (55946)
• United States
18 Mar 11
You know up until now I thought he seemed like a really nice guy from what you've written about him but now I think otherwise. Just because you are in a realtionship doesnt mean you cant live seperate and still be dating. He should understand why you want to be with your daughter and not expect you to leave her there alone while you stay with him. If you spent all that time with him at his house then yes he should be able to take the time to stay with you so you can be together instead of him just trying to end the relationship. If he cant understand your need to be there for your daughter right now then tell him maybe you need to find someone else who will be more understanding.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 11
This will be the only reason I can see breaking up with him. My dauhter s gooing to his town to spend the weekend with her frind I still may stay hom this weekend.
@carmelanirel (20976)
• United States
18 Mar 11
I agree with most everyone here. Plus hasn't he said some things that lead you to believe he is controlling? As long as your daughter needs you, I'd stay with her and let him go....
• United States
18 Mar 11
I am staying with my daughter no matter what. I think he can walk of a bridge if he thinks anything different.
• United States
18 Mar 11
Hang in there gifts, we are all standing behind you..
@toniganzon (59724)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
Adrian should be considerate of your situation. He is almost a part of the family and should show concern to your daughter as well. He could come over with you and stay there for awhile so that you can still be together and at the same time it would be nice to have a man in the house while the ex is roaming around and probably threatening your daughter again. I hope Adrian would realize this and not be upset anymore.
• United States
18 Mar 11
The man is in jail right now so she is safe. It will be fine for us to leave now. But,I still want to stay in my home for a change.
• India
18 Mar 11
From what I understand is that you are in relation with Adrian and he says that if the relation has to move on, they your daughter has to move out…right? If I read it correct, then I do think that this relation has little chance of being successful. My view is that we all are not islands, each of us have our own set of family and friends who are dear to us, who we’ve known and loved and nurtured and respected even before some guy/gal came into our lives. OK, partners are important, but they cannot overwhelm the other relations so much that that you’re left without any family at all… and this is your own daughter you are talking about…part of your own flesh and blood and breath…its very very improper and unjust of Adrian to demand that you just leave her on her own! How would Adrian have felt in similar situation if his mother deserted him when he needed her the most for protection and support! Also, its your daughter and only you both have the right to decide who’s gonna stay where and who’ve gonna move in/out…the least Adrian could have done is give some moral and physical support to you both. And what sort of love does he have for you if he doesn’t care at all for your daughter! (sorry if I sound too harsh)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Your not at all harsh. He should feel shame for what he is doing to me. I am about fed up with it now and ready to leave him if the stuationdoes not change.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Hi Gifts, This actually should cause a rift between the two of you. The poor kid is 16 and has been through a lot. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to leave her alone. You shouldn't and he should be understanding to that. I've dated guys that have resented my girls for the time it takes me from being with them....I've ended things with no regrets. To me it shouts that they are selfish and self-centered. You stayed with him and helped him out and also if I remember, you paid a lot of bills as well. Your daughter comes first and if Adrian is worth anything then he will be understanding to this.
• United States
18 Mar 11
Yes your right i did more for his palce than I did for mine. I am just now redoing my bedroom to make me more cmfortable here.
• United States
18 Mar 11
He shold definitely be understanding. Your child must always come first. You are right he can come and stay with you if he simply can't feel like you can't live apart and still be in a loving relationship. It is not like you are married yet. You have already explained that she cannot be left alone and you should not leave her alone right now with what's going on. Tell him to come by you during the weekends since he perhaps can't go back and forth. He cannot be placing an ultimatum here because this is not just anyone this is your daughter and trouble or no trouble nothing will change that you are a good mother and she needs you right now. If he does not see it going further because of this then you need to evaluate if he is still worthy. I feel that if he is he would not be making you choose.
• United States
18 Mar 11
He just said he will sleep here with me tonight. I know he wants to go home where all his meds are. we all may just go to his town and sleep. I know kk will be leaving this afternoon as well.
@bunnybon7 (46801)
• Holiday, Florida
18 Mar 11
well then when he suggested it was your fault the relationship is in trouble, id have told him hes badly mistaken as a good relationship is give and take 50/50 at least. he should stay there with you a while if he really loves you and id tell him if he doesnt its a good thing you found it out before you got married.
• United States
18 Mar 11
He wants to move out of state and wants me to move with him. I already said no because I will not be moving that far from my mother any time soon.
@GardenGerty (130126)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Right now your loyalty is to your daughter. She seems to swing one way and then another as far as obeying and respecting you, but she is still a child until she is 18. You went to a lot of effort to get to a better place, and Adrian will not move. If it breaks you up, then he is not the man for you. You need to decide what is important in your life and stand you ground. You cannot make his choices or determine his feelings. You can only do what is right for you and for KK.
• United States
18 Mar 11
I agree 100% and he is very upset over me not wanting to kiss him with that newport breath. so that again is a reason for us to break up. He is back to smoking a pack aday and he lies about it all the darn time.
@celticeagle (124528)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Mar 11
Your child should always come first. He knew you had a child and the type of person your were when you two got together so it isn't news. I think it is good that you found out he is this type of person now. This is pretty average male thinking. Most are very egotistical and what the woman to be at their beck and call. I am so glad I am not in a relationship anymore. Good luck. I wouldn't back down for anything.
• United States
19 Mar 11
No matter how complicated your relationship is with your daughter she will always be your daughter no matter the circumstance. He knew you had a daughter whom was a handful from the get-go. And as being a potential step father he should know if he takes you for his wife then your Family and their baggage to a degree become his as well.
@shelly1 (48)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Maybe he is just upset and speaking out of anger. Try to talk when things aren't heated, and if he still gives you the ultimatum, to choose between him and your child, then you have no other choice than to move on and find someone that loves you enough to also love and treasure your child as his own. No one should ever ask a mother or a father to give up there child for them.
@cream97 (29151)
• United States
18 Mar 11
When it comes to your daughter you will have to do what is important. Right now your daughter needs you more than anything. Is your daughter in the same town that you are in? Or is she living in New York still? Adrian will have to let you be there for your daughter after what she has been through. She needs you by her side and away from that maniac dogg that almost killed her! He will have to understand how you are feeling too. He is not the only one that needs to be shown love right now. He should respect your decision and he should not change how you feel at all. I agree, he should stay with you awhile when you go back to stay with your daughter. I hope that your daughter is doing a little better after what has happened to her. I know that it is going to take time for her to heal emotionally and physically. I am glad that she has you by her side. She need you there so that you can protect her. Adrian will just have to accept how you feel.
@yoyo1198 (3643)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Hey, gifts....I think Adrian is just thinking of Adrian in this situation. Rarely do people change. Think about it.
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
If he ends your relationship with you for just being at your daughter's side when she needed you most, well, i guess that guy is not worth it. For a relationship to work, one must always try to understand each other and care also for the people he/she loves. You can easily find another guy to replace him but your daughter will always be your daughter no matter what. She should always be your priority.
@Angelgirl16 (2174)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Boyfriends come and go, your child is your child for life. You, my dear, did the right thing and if your friend can't support you and your child, no matter how old, his is being selfish. I don't want to come down on him to severely because I am sure you love him, but you got to take a look at this guy's character. Living separately but equally could be your answer. I really am proud of you for supporting your child and not allow yourself to be talked into do otherwise.