Arranged marriage first step

India
April 30, 2011 3:44am CST
My brother in law died in an accident last year, he has a daughter now 21, works as Chemist in a steel plant. My father in law is no more, but mother in law and mother of the girl are alive. They treat me as the eldest in the family because I take care of them, not in terms of money though, they are rich. Yesterday we got a proposal for marriage of this girl, my niece I should say. The boy is of our ‘gold-smith’ caste; he is 25 working as an assist professor in a college in Chennai. He is now in his native village, 200 kms away from my city. So we hired a taxi and went to the village, saw the boy, their house, lands etc, met their family members, we found them suitable. We have requested them to come to our home to finalize the ‘arranged marriage’, one thing I made clear was the dowry. I am happy, they don’t have any demand. We will give as we like. Their horoscopes will be matched by our priest and if it is finalized we will have the marriage ceremony in May itself. It is the wedding season in India. [b]Was your or your parents’ or any family members’ marriage was arranged marriage or love marriage? Do you have dowry system there? Please respond and share your views on this. Thanks in advance.[/b] Professor ‘Bhuwan’. . Cheers have a lucky day ahead.
3 people like this
10 responses
@mayka123
@mayka123 (17083)
• India
2 May 11
Nowadays arranged or love marriage totally depends on the children. If they want their parents to search a match for them then the parents do so. My parents had an arranged marriage. But we siblings all had love marriages. There is no dowry system anymore. If at all there are any demands it is in the form of gifts or a loan that is never returned!!!
2 people like this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
23 Aug 11
Dear Nora I am aware of this indirect dowry--as gift or loan thnxs for response god bless yo and your family
blogger01
@blogger01 (124)
• Philippines
1 May 11
Sounds like a good news.. You have found a good guy for your niece. We don't have Arranged marriage in my country. Two people would just usually find each other, get to know and just let them decide if they want to get married. I really want to witness an arranged marriage.. I haven't seen one yet.
2 people like this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
There are so many indians there in Philippines, try to attend a wedding there . Thanks for sharing Welcome to mylot and my discussions Cheers. God bless you, have a nice day ahead. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
danishcanadian
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
21 Aug 11
We don't do arranged marriages in Canada, but I must say that it was extremely interesting your very personal account of how it's done.
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
23 Aug 11
Am happy you liked it Thnxs
blue65packer
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
1 May 11
I have my thoughts of arranged marriage. I think it is a good idea in some cases but not in all sitauations! I do not like the ones where two families arrange a marriage between thier children when they are babies! It is like that have no choice! I don't like it when parents do it when a child is an adult also! I know a man from Nepal who's parents had an arranged marriage for him. He didn't go through it! He was here in Wisconsin going to school and met a Japanese student. He told his parents no arranged marriage and that he wanted to keep dating his girlfriend. I hear his family were not happy but my freind is happy! If he would of ended up in an arranged marriage he would not been happy and the marriage would end up in divorce for share! If the couple are all for it,fine. If the couple isn't or just one isn't happy with the arrangement,it should not go on. I rather see a happy couple then a couple who isn't! I have seen to many of those!
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
No body is going to impose it on them, they will meet in our home, talk and take a decision, it is not 'baby-marriage' practised in some parts of india I have a friend in Wisconsin, she married an indian, she had come india, the ceremony was held here, hindu way, she wears sari even now.. Thanks for response Enjoy life to fullest. Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
Jane
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
30 Apr 11
hello dada, Arranged marriage is not a practice here in our country and i am sure you've learned this from your other friends. Anyway,you've been here in my country ,and bet you know a lot about our cultures and tradition so i don't need to elaborate more. Wish you can visit here again and we'll met in person
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
Yes i am aware of your traditions, one thing gave me pain, many guys there leave the beautiful wives and run after young chicks, because there is no divorce system there and annulment costs a fortune.. I am planning a visit, but this helth? Kalyani and others won't leave me to go alone.. Thanks for sharing Jaibeta Enjoy life to fullest. Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
louievill
@louievill (28846)
• Philippines
30 Apr 11
Hi prof, so glad that you found somebody for your relative in a system that you prefer and I really respect that, well in the Philippines , maybe it would had been like that centuries ago had we been not Christianized, it's still practiced here more by the older Chinese families or yes by older Indians in Indian communities that have settled here, but I really doubt now that the younger generation would still consent or approve of the practice, good luck my friend
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
Let me hope the indians there still go for it, i had met an indian in Davao, he has a grocery/general store there, his guys have married indins settled in other parts of Philippines. Thanks for sharing Enjoy life to fullest. Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
jillhill
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
30 Apr 11
Here we just take a chance and hope we find someone we love...no arranged marriages. Not where I live anyway...no dowry...just two people that fall in love!
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
You mean all are love marriages. Thanks for sharing Enjoy life to fullest. Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 Apr 11
Hi Professor, I live in Canada and we have no arranged marriages here, nor do we have the dowry system. I am not opposed to arranged marriages myself as they often appear to work better than our system. Blessings.
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
I say they work better, because the divorce rate is almost nil friend Pose Thanks for sharing Enjoy life to fullest. Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
ANTIQUELADY
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
30 Apr 11
Marriages are not arranged here. I would have really had a problem w/that back when i was young altho i didn't make very good choices i would not have liked being told i had to marry someone i didn't even know. I hope she knows this guy & is in love w/him.
1 person likes this
Professor2010
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
1 May 11
When the guy will come here with his parents, he will see talk to the neice, if they like each other, we proceed further. Thanks for sharing Cheers. God bless you, have a nice day ahead. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
zralte
@zralte (4176)
• India
30 Apr 11
Hi Professor, congratulations on finding a good family for your niece. The boy's family seem very very nice. It is good to hear that they are not demanding dowry. I am against Dowry and all those it entails. Though I am Indian, my culture don't have the dowry system, for which I am glad. I have seen and heard lots of people having problem because of dowry not being enough. I have also heard of cases where the bride is being mistreated because she didn't bring enough dowry,etc etc. Those were sad cases. I do hope your niece has a happy marriage. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this