I'm shaking right now!
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
June 18, 2011 2:42pm CST
The more I think about this the more shaky I get. I am a very passive person. I go OUT of my way to not ruffle people's feathers. Well, this woman I work for is also a friend, but not a really close friend. What I mean is I respect that boss/employee relationship we have. She is friends with another friend of mine and they are boosom buds.
T is my boss and C is my friend. I am also on friendly terms with T, but we only speak about work related things.... so maybe she isn't my friend after all. Anyway, C emailed me and said "I got paid from T, did you?" Well.. nope I didn't. So I'm thinking that maybe T didn't get my invoice I sent in last week.. maybe she lost it or maybe it got deleted somehow... Sooooo I email T and said I was just wondering if she got my invoice, because I didn't get paid and C did. I also said that I wouldn't even write but C said I should ask about it.
Well now, T emails C and gives her hell for telling me she got paid. She went on to say that she pays according to her own system (whatever that is) .. we worked on the same project together, so why not shoot two payments to paypal instead of one? Believe me all T owed me was $4. That tiny bit of money isn't going to make me or break me, so of course I wouldn't be upset.
Well, I thought something was off last night... Here is the exchange between T and Me.
T: "believe me... don't thank me."
Me: "I do believe you... I was thanking you too."
T: "Yeah"
So after C emailing me telling me she got chewed out by T, I wrote to T and tried to clear the air. I told her from now on, I won't speak to her unless she speaks to me first or if it is work related... if she still wants me to work for her...Now I am still shaking, because this is so asinine.
Please share your thoughts.
Are you more passive or more aggressive with people.. I don't mean passive aggressive... that happens a lot with people too... but that's a whole 'nother discussion.
Do you get upset and start shaking when you have an altercation with a friend or boss?
5 people like this
7 responses
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 11
Absolutely. I got shaky as you when I don't get along with bosses and colleagues. Last time I work in my friend's company and she is accusing me of flirting with her boyfriend who also is the boss. OMG I then resign and told myself I shouldn't mess with people's feathers if the person is fierce. I am not a humble one but at least I know my own status and way. Unless that person made me really mad like today I got hit by a motorcycle and I was in a car. And then the motor cylist want to claim money from me because some one at the place where I got hit told him to come after me. Boy, I was mad like a dragon. Till now I was thinking why some people is so nosy. What happen to the kind people who are all along the way? :(
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
18 Jun 11
Hi Wongchoiyee,
It's hard NOT to get shaky, isn't it? I hate confrontations with people. I won't stand still and let anyone just dump all their pent up frustrations out on me, but I will hold my temper. But once a person pees in my cornflakes, as a manner of speaking, I will give to them as good as I get. It takes a lot to light my fuse, but look out when it is lit. I will be shaking like a leaf as the madder I get.
I got a return email from T and said it was blown out of proportion and that all is fine... go figure? Then why did she chew out C in the first place????
1 person likes this
@manleyjoe (1597)
• United States
18 Jun 11
C was wrong in tell anyone that she had gotten paid that is personal stuff unless you want to start trouble among friends.
T would be wrong in chastising C for telling anyone that she had gotten paid. T would be wise in publishing her payment schedule unless it is entirely by invoice then you are wrong in calling T unless the payment was overdue.
There now you have my opinion but then everyone has an opinion.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
19 Jun 11
T has no schedule, but that is a good idea Manlejoe. My other boss I work for is totally open.. his books are even open for us to see that everything is above board.. but there is no schedule for paying us.. we get paid when the clients pay them.
@celticeagle (189793)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jun 11
Big difference between friends and acquaintances. That 'tiny bit of money' isn't going to make or brake her either. I am a passive person BUT I can get real agressive real fast if I have been messed around and especially if my kids are. This T person is picking and chosing who she pays. I think she knows you are milk toast and she can walk all over her. Your statement to her that you wouldn't talk to her unless she spoke first sealed your fate. You need to stand up for yourself our people like T are going to take advantage of you every where you go. If you aren't important to yourself and you don't have any self respect then you will never make it in this world. I do shake when I have altercation, yes, and feel better for it because I stood up for myself and said what needed to be said and didn't cower like milktoast!
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
18 Jun 11
Believe me, I am not milk toast. I will stand up for myself. She wrote back that C blew what she said out of proportion. I don't start trouble. But I sure as beck will end it if I feel I must. I wouldn't squabble over $4. But when C got paid and I didn't I thought maybe she lost my invoice. That was it. She got riled with C for mentioning to me that she got paid.
She is an honest person and she does pay. C emailed me just now and said that T thought I was talking about this week's invoice when it was last week's. She said she would pay me tonight.
I will work for her as long as she pays in a timely manner. I write for another company also. I'll work for them as long as they give good directions and pay in a timely manner. It's been a long time since I was scared to speak up for myself. Just because I am mainly docile means nothing. I can give as good as I get, if I must. I just don't go behaving like a b!tch on wheels.
@manleyjoe (1597)
• United States
18 Jun 11
I shake with any altercation. 
Did she/he do this to get you upset? Or is he/she just an evil person? Some people are not happy unless they are stirring sh**.
I have been a boss for over 25 years now and I never let this kind of thing happen in my group. First it is in the terms when a person gets paid so no need to call me to ask why I paid Joe and didn't pay Jill, they both already know.
Did she/he do this to get you upset? Or is he/she just an evil person? Some people are not happy unless they are stirring sh**.
I have been a boss for over 25 years now and I never let this kind of thing happen in my group. First it is in the terms when a person gets paid so no need to call me to ask why I paid Joe and didn't pay Jill, they both already know.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
18 Jun 11
No she didn't do this to upset me. she is a very blunt person. She wrote to me and said it was blown out of proportion. She could just keep better records and pay us together when she knows we ( C and I) both worked on the same project together. How difficult is it to send
Obey to my name in her paypal account? No harder than it is to send money to C in paypal.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
18 Jun 11
Edit: sorry for the typo. This iPhone has a mind of it's own. That word should not be 'obey' it should be pay.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Jun 11
I'm very passive too, and I avoid conflict like the plague. And when dealing with a person who has been unpleasant with me, I tend to just avoid them. If I really, really have to deal with it, I will, but I don't like it one little bit.
And as far as T goes, what an idiot? Sounds like she got caught out at something, and went on the attack...
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Hi Dawnald. You are apt like me. I will defend myself if need be. T backed up when I confronted her. Thanks for responding and for being my mylot friend.
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
19 Jun 11
I don't really shake after exchanging some words with whoever. I used to but I guess it disappears after some time. I usually am aggressive but there are times when I just let things be, especially when it comes to things I'm not really interested in.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 11
I happy that you settled it down finally. This incident reminds us every now and then to be very cautious with one who is demanding and fussy. Hope she will change for a better.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I'm pretty used to her.. she is a good person.. but very blunt. I'm glad it has settled down too.. and she paid me today.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
19 Jun 11
I do get anxious when there is a confrontation or whatever. This wasn't even a confrontation, it was something told to me that was said by the boss. It ticked me off that I was talked about behind my back, for one... but it is settled now.
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I am a very passive person when it comes to dealing with anything related to me. Though I can be aggressive, when it comes to proving things that perhaps someone is questioning about me it gets me to shake something awful.
Don't know why and maybe because I have always tried to be respectful and kind to people but when they go out of their way to contradict it makes me sick somehow. Sadly I have distance myself from people who do this intentionally because it is not really good for my well being. See I can dwell on the why, for so long that at makes me nervous all the time and could make me a very sad person.
I am grateful to my boyfriend though who has somehow made me realize it is not worth my time.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I know what you mean HWG. I am passive too. It really takes a lot for me to blow my cork, but when I do I will say what I have to say, and the other person can like it or lump it. Then I am awake for 24 or more hours from being upset over it.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Jun 11
Yes I do!! I have a Childcare business so every time I have problems with a client I hate talking with them about it. My stomach turns, I shake and I get butterflies in my stomach. It is terrible!! =( Bad feeling, so glad I am not the only one!! =)
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
20 Jun 11
Oh yeah! Can you imagine having to talk to an irate parent over something that might not even be your fault!? I don't like confrontations, but I can hold my own in one if I need to.. I still shake when it is done though.. I shake inside too but I don't know if the person knows when I am in a confrontation with them.
