Reminders for those into a MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
By chuyins123
@chuyins123 (2112)
Philippines
July 6, 2011 8:16pm CST
Again I am into this love series of life. I come across these tips actually for those engaged in a "mutual understanding". You were seeing each other, you have these mutual feeling for each other but you don't want to get to the next level. Either it's a choice of both parties, or just one who thinks he/she can sustain the relationship if it remains as is. Longer than if they're officially "LOVERS".
So for the tips. REMINDERS.
1. Don't expect much. You have no commitment.
2. You can be jealous.
3. You can have a date with other person but just don't ask for permission.
4. You can caress.
5. And if you see him/her loving someone else, you can cry. You can be hurt. But you can't upbraid him/her, you have no right!
Any views? Please feel free to share. Violent reaction? lol.
Great day every one!
2 people like this
8 responses
@toniganzon (77084)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
LOL! The last time i was in such a situation was when i was in college with the one i told you about. The one that was never reciprocated. I thought we had something at first and i thought we had a mutual understanding. It turned out, it's just me having all those thoughts!
So I've learned my lesson. Not until he makes a commitment and tells you openly he wants to have a relationship, stop thinking you have a mutual understanding! You'll be the loser in the end.
Friend, i added you in skype already.
1 person likes this
@sunnystarfish (210)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
Yeah I agree with you. There's no such thing as mutual understanding. In the end, one will get hurt.
1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
@Toni - I was planning to play around this time. LOL. Well I posted about fate's recent tweaks in my love life. And it sure made me think of just playing around and don't get too serious in the so called "love life". I don't know, maybe because I am just afraid I would get hurt again. But with what you and sunnystarfish said here. I have second thoughts.
@Sunnystarfish - I am just curious about such kind of arrangement. and was actually planning to get into something like that. LOL. I will surely consider these things you've said and think about it. Thanks for sharing here my friend. See ya.
chuyins
@toniganzon (77084)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
Friend if you want to play around, go date lost of women. Don't just stick to one steady date. You don't want to end up in karma lol! But if you date around then women definitely know for sure that you're not serious with them.
But it would still be better to have one steady relationship.
@SpikeTheLobster (6399)
•
7 Jul 11
Your reminders are wrong, in my opinion...
1. You do have a commitment - you said there's a "mutual understanding". Just because you're not lovers doesn't mean you're not committed in some way.
2. You can be jealous but you have no right to inflict that jealousy on the other person. It's your problem, not theirs.
3. That will depend on your agreement. Again, just because you're not lovers doesn't mean you're not committed.
4. No problem with that!
5. That depends on your agreement, again.
1 person likes this
@SpikeTheLobster (6399)
•
7 Jul 11
Ahh, well if they're just friends with no commitment, there's no issue! I stand corrected in turn...!
Of course, then number 4 becomes a problem - it implies a commitment, even if you don't talk about it.
Very complicated!
1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
8 Jul 11
Yes indeed. Really complicated. But mind you, it's exciting! LOL. 
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
Ouch! I stand corrected. LOL.
Well, for the context on which I based what I wrote, "mutual understanding" MU is really vague, that both parties seemed to assume they have an understanding. But there were no clear lines drawn. In other words, most of MUs have no formal agreement. They just love being together, hanging out with each other, seeing or dating each other, but they never have talked about their supposed commitment.
Anyway, as you've said, for some who do agree. It would then mainly depend on their agreement(s).
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
You are correct in your reminders. Since there wasn't a formal assurance as to whether you two have the same nice feeling with each other, you are not bound to be committed.
One can just easily withdraw from the relationship, without having to formally close the "mutual understanding".
1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
Yes, no commitments, it's just like playing around. But doesn't mean because you're playing you can't get hurt. Because truth is you possibly could be hurt, but you can't complain, you get into the game yourself, you should be responsible for the consequences.
@feeltheirie (301)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
This is a relationship that would go nowhere unless both of you would talk and decide to go in to a relationship. I have been there and done that, and nothing come good out of it. There may be some people who eventually became serious and decided that they are indeed in love. But if only one person feels this way, then that person is doomed for heartbreak. I really suggest to not go in to this type of "mutual understanding" or pseudo relationship. When someone you like or someone really likes you, they would want you for themselves. They would not tolerate you dating another person. They would want exclusivity. :)
1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
This struck me, pretty scary but real.
"But if only one person feels this way, then that person is doomed for heartbreak"
This is more of a game than love relationship I guess. So if you don't want the rules of the game, just don't play with it.
Appreciate your response here, gives me enlightenment and much idea on whether I should be in such a relationship/game or not.
Appreciate your response here, gives me enlightenment and much idea on whether I should be in such a relationship/game or not. @sunnystarfish (210)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
Hi Chuyins,
At first, I wanted that kind of set up. No commitment, free to date anyone. But in the long run, when I was ready for the relationship to get to the next level. I'm not on the same page with this guy anymore. So in the end, I got hurt. I've learned my lesson to clear things out first and be sure with my feelings before dealing with someone again.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (77084)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
AT least you learned from your experience. Keep it strong girl.1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
@ Sunny - Yes, if you don't want to play around, then don't play the game. That's it. Well, at least you know the rules, you learned it the hard way. MU is really something so vague and you really can't get so into it. Or you'll end up losing the game. MU is not much of a relationship I guess. But a game.
@Toni - hello! :) Thanks for adding me at skype.
@genesisgroldan (214)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
I have been on this mutual understanding thing or pseudo relationship as what it's commonly called. And I can say that it hurts a lot compared if you are in the "real" thing. Since I am a girl, I cannot seem to take that he may date others because I remained faithful to him. That's just a mistake of being into this situation without any idea on what it would cause you. Be sure that you won't expect anything back from him and keep it light. If you think that you may hurt in the end, better yet find someone who can love you back otherwise one or both of you may hurt. I charged it to experience though and I am very thankful that I learned from that exhausting experience.
1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
8 Jul 11
This kind of set up is really complicated. Complexities makes it exciting but yes, there is no doubt, of the probability on getting hurt in the end. So it depends on how you respond to circumstances, either you "risk" on indulging into such kind of set up and enjoy it for the moment, as of the moment. OR you avoid being into this kind of set up and spare yourself from pains, and choose not to experience being into it.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Jul 11
I've honestly never had this kind of a relationship in my life and it is a kind of relationship that I would never like to be involved in because I know that it would be a very dangerous relationship to be a part of. Those rules that are given for it are enough for me to see that it would be something that would be very dangerous. The only kind of relationship that I could ever be involved in is a true relationship where there is love involved.
@rog0322 (2828)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
7 Jul 11
Hi chuy,
Nice reminders there. I'm not really into that MU thing since I learned the game. The nearest one was that girl next door in my high school days who showed a certain sparkle in her eyes whenever I looked in her direction. I was not really into that formal courtship and not that expressive in terms of my feelings. It turned out to be just a low level fling and not much commitment, with a lot of lows than highs.
Now you've defined the phenomenon. It just seem strange that the woman I married a while ago began with the same "mutual understanding" sort of thing...
1 person likes this
@chuyins123 (2112)
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
Hi Rog,
I actually want to play around now. LOL. Not getting much serious on love yet. I recently broke up with my gf (now my EX) and was thinking of just trying to play around, fling, MU whatever, but not into serious relationship again. At least, not now. Maybe because I am not yet ready to take the risk again, and feels like I still can't bear the pain again if ever I'd be hurt. So this is somehow an act of prudence?
What do you mean with "It just seem strange that the woman I married a while ago began with the same "mutual understanding" sort of thing..." Is she doing that to you? or with someone else?
What do you mean with "It just seem strange that the woman I married a while ago began with the same "mutual understanding" sort of thing..." Is she doing that to you? or with someone else?