Update on the User
By Amber
@AmbiePam (120598)
United States
August 15, 2011 8:21pm CST
Some of you may remember my discussion from over a month ago, maybe two months. A downstairs neighbor had started to ask me for things like money for laundry, and rides (her eyes lit up when she found out I had a car). She knocked on my door all day long one particular time, and I didn't answer because I had a horrible migraine. Come to find out the next day she wanted a ride to the library. That is what she had knocked on my door all the previous day for.
Turns out my do not disturb sign that I hung on my door the day I posted that first discussion worked. She quit coming up to my apartment constantly. But I'd see her outside. She'd invited me in, and on ocassion I'd go because our dogs like each other. Late last month I was in her apartment dropping off something someone had asked me to give her and I asked how she was. She started in on how she didn't have money for food. And I told her I know how she felt because it was the end of the month and that happens (I was not lying, I didn't have money for food, BUT I had enough food to last me until the first of the month). She was hinting for something. But in case she wasn't just exaggering I told her I had some packets of oatmeal and could bring her some. You know what she said? No, I have oatmeal. She had oatmeal. She just didn't want to eat it. So she had food it just wasn't her preferred choice. Today I checked on her because she had an infection and had been to the doctor. I took her dog out to use the bathroom because she couldn't take him out herself. She told me how her friend had brought her dinner the night before and went into detail about how good it was. And she told me she didn't have anything for dinner tonight. Once again, I told her I had oatmeal packets. And you know what she said? No, I have oatmeal.
The woman has food it just isn't some great tasting feast that she seems to want! I actually have her a package of frozen quiche last week. I had bought 2 packages so when I had a migraine I could just throw something in the microwave and not have to cook. Well, I opened it and didn't like it. So I gave the second, unopened box to her because I didn't want to waste it. But she knows I don't have money. She knew about the 50 dollar incident (if you don't remember that, it's okay, just know through that incident she knew I was short on cash)
So I have put my foot down and I am not letting her take advantage of me. I have nothing to feel badly about. Thanks for everyone who gave me advice on that first discussion.
Any of you have updates to previous discussions you want to give?
6 people like this
20 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Glad to hear that the do not disturb sign worked. Some people no matter how well you spell it out never get the message. As for the oatmeal, my oh my if one is truly hungry one will eat what is offered and or available. My thought is better the oatmeal then nothing at all.
I am glad you are putting your foot down because sounds like someone that although she is aware of your circumstances would still go the extra mile to inconvenience you.
The only update is that I am working diligently in staying put in Illinois, as I was planning on moving to Arkansas and decided that though Illinois is tough for me right now at least I know what I am in for, where as in Arkansas it would be a whole different life, one that I am not sure I can ever adapt to. So for now, working really hard on getting some more offline job applications out and so hoping to land a job really soon, just anywhere. lol
@GardenGerty (169439)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Good for you, but do not ever forget us here on Mylot. I hope something opens up for you really soon.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37062)
• United States
16 Aug 11
I would never forget all of you here and though maybe not able to be as active as I am there is always some free time. 
Besides I will know exactly where to come and vent. 
Remember that one. hehehe
Besides I will know exactly where to come and vent. Remember that one. hehehe1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169439)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Thanks for the update, it is good to know that something worked for you as far as the pounding on the door. I would keep offering her oatmeal, if she is truly hungry she will eat it. I know of people who get food given to them a lot, and because it is not what they want they get rid of it. I do buy stuff ahead, so that if I am short of cash we will not starve. If I needed to give food to someone, it would probably be a can of some kind of beans. I keep a variety on hand as they are cheap and high protein and stretch the dollar. I do not suppose she could be the one who took your i pod?
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169439)
• United States
16 Aug 11
I am glad that is out of your mind, then. I hate to assume one person or another is guilty.
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9491)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Thanks for the update and it does sound as though this lady needs a real wake up call that she can't take advantage of others. I would continue to offer her the oatmeal when she speaks of not having food. It was nice of you to give her the second quiche that you had since you did not like the first one. I don't mind sharing food if it is truly needed!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (120598)
• United States
17 Aug 11
You're right, if the food is truly needed it's a blessing to be able to help out that way. But I knew she had some, it just wasn't as tasty as she would prefer. I even knew she had venison because I ran into a friend of hers who brought her some. It was like a big package she had to put in her freezer. And that lady loves venison for some reason.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
17 Aug 11
Oh my! Yeah sounds like quite the mooch. She should give you a lil bit of money seeing you are just getting by and all. Even if she can't cook or make a grand feast there's no reason to lie and say she has nothing to eat. If oatmeal is the best thing you have then so be it! Tell her to go to the food pantry or if she's really broke maybe she'd qualify for help like foodstamps or even a discounted fare for transportion.
I had a "friend" like that as far as the driving went, I'd have to drive 30 min to get her and she like the stores by my house (better area) and would buy me lunch in return. It got old driving her around and her being in the hood was not very appealing either.
Had a friend who's neighbor was that way. Everyday they'd come over to use her phone, "borrow" a dozen eggs ect. They were so wonderful they even blocked me in my spot and told me they'd smash up my car if i didn't move out of my friends spot (whom I had permission to park there). Eventually they moved out as one of the teens got pg by live-in 20ish boyfriend, taken away from the mom and the apt was trashed.
1 person likes this
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Sounds like quite the pain to deal with. It's good that your "do not disturb" sign is buying you some measure of peace, though.
This reminds me that I'm a tad overdue on repaying some favors...
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
17 Aug 11
Personally it does sound like this woman needs to wake up and quit expecting everyone to Cater to her all the time, and start doing things for herself. And if you are really hungry, Oatmeal will help fill you up. It just might not taste the Best unless you have sugar, etc. in it for taste. But personally isn't there an organization or something around that could help her? Take her to a Food bank and help get her some Food, or get Food Stamps, etc. for her? Maybe if there is not, there should. Do not feel Sorry. Looks like you have done more than enough already.
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
19 Aug 11
Dear AmbiePam,
You are right, do not let this person take advantage of you. I am glad you did not open the door for her to take her to the library. It is much healthier to walk. As far as food is oncerned if she has oatmeal she has food. Some people think the world and other people owe them a living. I am a volunteer at a food bank and sometimes my blood boils. Some people are really fussy, they don't like this, they don't like that and so on. Last week some guy drove up in a Mercedes to collect his entitlement of free food. I bet he told a bunch of lies to be registered as a food recipient.(We don't have food stamps in Canada but use a different system to provide food for people who need it) On numerous occasions I see people arrive in taxis. In the city where I live taxis are very expensive. I myself am on a fixed income and in order to get to my volunteer job I walk or take public transportation which costs a fraction of a taxi ride. I also do not buy prepackaged or prepared foods. Sometimes it is a real drag to cook but I usually prepare enough for 2 or 3 portions or even more if I cook stew or chili in the slow cooker and freeze it in portion sized containers. This way I always have food even if my pension money has not arrived as yet. People have forgotten how to help themselves or else they are users.
1 person likes this
@Fishmomma (11658)
• United States
20 Aug 11
Your neighbor isn't the kind any of us ever want to have even for a short period of time. There is nothing wrong with oatmeal and I eat it when that is what is available.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Aug 11
hi ambiepam my roomie is a user too and she never returns things so i just hunt through her crap and take my own belongings back.. She has borrowed quarters for the phone four times and never has repaid me. she used to but Alzheimer may be affecting here sense of right and wrong, i do not know but I have quit lending her anything as once she gets it she never returns it.I am not rich and I do not want to have to replace things just so she can have my one and only of whatever it is she cannot find.I am glad you are now saying no as I 
'know its hard but users are really clever too.
'know its hard but users are really clever too.1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (120598)
• United States
16 Aug 11
My mom used to have a neighbor who was always "borrowing" spices. One week it would be cinnamon, the next garlic. She would never bring them back. I told her to go over there and ask for them back but she wouldn't. I don't think there would have been anything wrong with her saying she needed to make something and she needed her stuff back.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
23 Aug 11
I know someone just like that. She complains about food she gets from food pantries. She says she gets too much soup, and who would ever want to eat soup? Especially when you're starving. She says when she's starving she wants real food, not soup.
So much for "beggars can't be choosers", huh?
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
16 Aug 11
I am so glad you decided not to allow this person to take advantage of your kind heart anymore. A friend of mine went through a similar situation with a lady she met at her daughter’s school. The woman claimed to be a single lonely parent with no money and began interfering in my friend’s life making constant requests for money, food, babysitting etc. any time she felt like it. Like you my friend got fed up and although it was difficult she distanced herself from this moocher.
I haven’t started any discussions lately so I have nothing to update. My nine year old daughter will be receiving her First Holy Communion on the 27th August and that is something I am really looking forward to!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
17 Aug 11
I think that you have behaved well as you know what she wants. Do not give in to her demands. If she doesn't want oatmeal then she is really not hungry. I know that you will keep strong and not let her fool you. Blessings my friend.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
20 Aug 11
Dear Ambie thats great to hear that user wont come as often to disturb you now. I am glad she got the message. What I have here at home is not always what I would like to have when it comes to stuff in the pantry etc but I am glad we are stocked up some. Hope your food really lasts for the month, I am worried about you.
1 person likes this
@irisheyes (4370)
• United States
28 Aug 11
I've known people like this here and there. I think the biggest problem with them is that you can never just be yourself with them the way you can with others. You have to always be on guard.
I've always found that most people geuinely having a difficult time are too proud to beg and the problem is how to give them a helping hand without insulting them.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
16 Aug 11
Good for you Ambie, I am glad that you are not allowing this woman to take advantage of you and yet you are still being a good neighbor.. Keep it up and maybe she'll see how you are a good person, but not a doormat...
Keep it up and maybe she'll see how you are a good person, but not a doormat...
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
16 Aug 11
I am so glad you have decided to not let the user use you anymore. It is hard to put your foot down sometimes, so I am proud of you.
Updates on previous discussions? Hmm.....Well I still have a horrible crush on my boss. I have not said anything to him, but some days I think that he really does like me back. According to a co-worker he perks up when I am around and his face lights up. Too bad he is my boss...
Too bad he is my boss...1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Aug 11
sounds like you've straightened her out with all the advice on here. so im glad its working. ive tried keeping everyone updated on my surgery and all but they still havent set a date. i will get it out when i know more. i may be MIA here for a bit after everything. 
