Trying to not take this for granted

November 10, 2011 9:17pm CST
In the past I have taken my relationship with my younger Sister for granted. She is out of school now and living in her own place with her boyfriend. But I still find all this hard to believe at times and kind of just think of the two of us as we always were together at home and closer kidding around and laughing as we teased each other. Now it seems we can't tease each other at all about any little things or one of us gets mad or her feelings hurt we seem so oppisite now too as if we came truly from two seprate up bringing either one is really wrong or bad in any ways. I just think the other one is too disappointed that the other one is not living up to there personal expectations and that they are not really liking all the very same things even promoting the same things as the other. You must know that a Sister is different relationship from a Mother when you are very close in age together too. Even if your mother isn't always in the picture too. Sister's are meant to be more like a very close friendship relationship and not where one does more or less for the other all the time just a simple friendship is all and hopefully this can grow or at least remain civil but this is how I see Sister's from what I have seen and learned in my own relationship with mine. Sure at times we both have wished and hoped even dreamed for much more. We even went and got friends to replace what we lacked with each other too. None of this helped of course, family is always first after all. Yet, we all know how with complete opposites fighting can happen and we have had or share and at times they still arise but we do manage them a bit better today then we did before. We have had broken bones,scares,tears,name calling, terrible fights really. We don't ever want for those kind of days to ever return, and this is why I hope not to ever take her for granted again in the way I see our relationship anyway. I do wish she saw it this same way still, she wants a more grown up mature me than I really am to make me a person I am not somehow. I hate to disappoint, but this I never ask of her I just except her as she is so it is strange for her to not do the very same thing for me now if we are being more grown up and mature this should be very easy to do you would think. Please, wish the two of us the mostofluck here we both need it and i believe have earned it even with each other by now the ways we give and try too. Thanks,A.B.
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1 response
kalav56
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
11 Nov 11
You are the elder sister. Perhaps you too her for granted more than what she did with you. I do not know the real scenario but it is a wild guess. Whoever takes another for granted, there is likely to be a rupture when the second person protests loudly. There must be equality in this relationship of siblings ; otherwise things come to a standstill at some point in time. This can reach a breaking point too. This is more pronounced if there is the entry of the third person in each one’s life. A partner can be demanding and take some time for himself[the time that was meant for the sister] ; secondly, if there is interaction with the husband or lover of a sibling that must be maintained very carefully. There must be a very conscious attempt at maintenance and repair of any relationship and frequent sensitive monitoring of signals must be there. Have an open talk with your sister if she has taken you for granted and tell her clearly that you won’t have it. If you have been doing it, then be aware that you have to give her respect and not treat her as a kid. Tell that to her without resentment ; tell her you are unaware that you had hurt her. Take it from here and now and see that you behave like friends than siblings. This blood relationship is likely to have expectations and ‘taking for granted’ s. Have the bonding of siblings[that is special and not to be found elsewhere] without the expectations; all will be well.
amybcraft77
@amybcraft77 (314)
•
12 Nov 11
Thank you kalav56. You do have great words of advise here too. Many of these things you are talking about have all happened already between us too at one time or another. I do try my best to be more sensitive towards her now too. We have both been guilty of wrong doing with one another too. Usually we don't even realize we are hurting the other person either too. The expectations part was my favorite here we both always seem to have these for one another that are way out of both of our reach right now. I do think we are seeing this a bit more now though with more understanding and kindness then we did before. We do need to always work on this though. Thanks, A.B.