Sibling Issues
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
April 9, 2012 11:39am CST
My brother who is just a year younger than I am (I'm 30 and he's 29) is still very immature and dependent on us. He can't keep a job for longer than 4 months as he always finds a fight or finds someone he can't stand. When he loses a job, he goes back to my mother's house and takes up a portion of her tight monthly budget. And this situation keeps happening over and over again, for more than 3 years now. A few months ago, he sent me a message asking to borrow a thousand pesos to pay some debts he had with a friend. I deliberately denied him of the privilege, as I know that if I give him that favor now, he will abuse it and do it over again. I have not talked nor responded to his messages for some time now, as we often end up arguing and fighting over the same issues.
Sometimes, I feel guilty that i turned my back on him, when he needs my help the most, and I wonder if he has enough to feed himself 3 times a day, when he doesn't have a steady job.
I don't know how I can help him without making him dependent. I wonder if he needs to seek medical help, because I guess he has some psychological problems.
4 responses
@god_is_good (683)
• Philippines
9 Apr 12
What he needs is not medical help nor psychological therapist. What he needs is something that will challenge and motivate him to do his part in tending for his own needs. It might be something that will lead him to realize that he needs to be responsible for himself. I don't know if he ever was in a situation that is painful enough that will bring out the best in him, or something that he wants truly enough to motivate his inner most desire.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
Right now he is staying in a boarding house and I'm not sure how he's able to pay his bills, or buy his food. But, since its been about 4 months that he hasn't called us to ask for money, then perhaps he is starting to learn how to live his own life. I just hope it'd stays that way for longer. And, i hope he's finding the right ways to earn money for himself.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
He's the middle child and the only boy. He didn't have a very close relationship with my father when he was younger and I think he took it really badly when my parents got separated. He has a lot of insecurities and angst in the world and the people around him.
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
10 Apr 12
Yes I think he has some kind of problems mentally, possibly some anger issues or other medical issues in fact. He should get some help with it, maybe he is bi-polar. I hope things get sorted with that, I know how hard it can be on everyone else in the family. My brother has borrowed thousands from me at different times in his life over and over even with living at my parent's with no rent, and a job.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
I think he does have anger and insecurity issues. He can't stand a serious conversation too long, especially if its about him. He loses his temper and the conversation becomes an argument and wouldn't listen to us. So, I gave up talking to him for more than 2 years now. I thought of looking for a good psychologist to see him so we would understand him better in a different perspective and know what to do with him.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
wow. i thought i was just reading my own post. we are in the same situation and i just couldn't believe that we are almost exactly experiencing the same dilemma now.
my brother too is creating a problem to us and what is really annoying is that he is forcing my mother to borrow money for him to pay his debt. he would not want to take any advice from me and he will take it bad whenever i just say a thing.we will just argue whenever we exchange message and he will get mad when he can't borrow money from us. the thing is, he will never pay us and i am really ashame to my husband of what he have done to us. he should have got a good job since he is a college graduate and he is good in his previous works. i just don't want made him this way because he is earning much before. but what's not good about him is he is not sharing his blessings.
until now, he don't have a job and he just take money from our money. i pity my mother so much that is why i wish it is august already so i could get her and live with me instead. let us just pray for our brothers and may God guide them through right the path.
but despite all of these, i still love my brother and i always pray for him that God will enlighten Him. i know only his self can help his self. let us just pray for them
@bonding2 (219)
• South Africa
10 Apr 12
you should have helped him out but warn him it is the last time or advice him to go and see a therapist ,if you make it he can also after all it is only one year difference between two of you
