How do I keep my toddler from feeling detached from mommy?
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
June 29, 2012 1:57am CST
I've been busy taking care of the new baby who is now a month old, and for the past few weeks, I have not had much time with my 4year old toddler. Most of her time is spent with her nanny downstairs, and I am in the bedroom with the baby. I couldn't keep her with us too long, as she makes too much noise that will wake the baby up from her much needed sleep. My toddler is so hyperactive and I can't have both of them in the same place all the time. Since the baby needs me more, its my toddler who is left out and feeling detached from mommy.
She's too young to even understand why mommy has to be with baby all the time, and she's left with ther nanny. She has changed her behaviour and is starting to be obnoxious and hard headed. Im getting a little worried now.
Can you give me tips and advices on how to not make her feel that way?
3 responses
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
29 Jun 12
She isn't to young to understand. I would just get a monitor and and carry it with you when your baby doesn't need you. You don't need to spend every second with your new baby. Instead take that time and ask the nanny hey just sit here with the baby while I spend some time with my other child. This give you the one on one that is need for the both of them. When a new baby comes the older children do tend to be felt left out because both or one of the parent will not spear themselves form the other. A newborn needs to learn that not every time they cry you will come running. They have to learn to self sooth and letting cry just for a few minutes won't hurt them instead it's very good for them.
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
1 Jul 12
1 month old can see just not anything outside of 28 inches from there face and eye sight for a baby really doesn't clear up till they are about 3 to 4 months old. Baby's can enjoy anyone at any time you just got to relax and hand the baby over to people. You just got to do it and relax. Waiting till your child is two months before spending time with the other sends a clear message that they just aren't as important to you then this one is which isn't true. You need to find the time, you got to let ago a little to give a little to the other. Even putting the two of them together in the same room to spend time with the oldest one isn't that hard.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
I didn't hire a nanny for her, but if I really need to do something else or run some errands, I would borrow my elder child's nanny and have her take care of the baby for just a few hours. I would express milk and refrigerate it for her consumption while im away. However, when Im at home, I would want to be the sole care giver for the baby. I feel guilty having to depend on other people.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
30 Jun 12
That's something to consider, but maybe I can have more time with the older kid after 2 months, when the baby can already see and enjoy other people's company.
@sherrybelle (707)
• United States
29 Jun 12
It's incredibly important that you INCLUDE your 4 year old in the time spent with the new baby.
Teach your 4 year old how to behave and interact with baby brother or sister.
Teach her how to help you take care of your new baby as a team. Make her feel that she is an important part of the team.
She can bring you baby things that you need and if you'll include her in a healthy way she will develop a bond with the new baby and an even stronger bond with you.
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
Yes, i totally agree with yo sherry. 
That way, you will be able to make your toddler, at least understand that as the older one, he/she should be caring to the baby.
It would at least diminish jealousy on the toddler's part.
That way, you will be able to make your toddler, at least understand that as the older one, he/she should be caring to the baby.
It would at least diminish jealousy on the toddler's part. @jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
30 Jun 12
When the baby is awake, I'd have her join us and she'd sing to her and help me prepare things for changing nappies or for bath. But, the waking hours is too short for now. Since most of the time, the baby is asleep, like every 2-3 hours, I'd have to send her downstairs and play there, so she can't disturb the baby's sleep. Also, I'd want to catch a few zzz's while the baby is sleeping.
@jazel_juan (15745)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
That same scenario actually happened to me after i gave birth with my second child. My daughter was 3 that time and she was feeling left out. She was cranky and crying all the time and i know she was feeling left out. It was hard because they can be noisy lol but what i did was include her with the baby activities, like when it is bath time for my baby, i would call her and let her shampoo my baby, then i would tell her to go get the towel.. simple things like that that will involve her. Then when i am giving my baby the milk, i would let her hold the milk bottle for awhile.. after that i noticed she is not as cranky.. she is not whining too much and when the baby is asleep, i would call her and let her lie down beside my baby. She loved it actually and now my daughter is quite independent. I did the same when my youngest was born, both of them my daughter and my second son, i include them in the activities.. so there was no gap at all.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
30 Jun 12
It sounds very smooth for you, jazel. I think I may just be over protective of the small baby. I think I should let the big girl get more involved even when the baby is asleep. I'm just concerned that if she gets to active around the sleeping baby, I'd have to carry the baby again and back to zero with putting the baby to sleep which usually takes about 20-30 minutes.
