There are some pains you just never get over.
By sharksfin
@sharksfin (1091)
Philippines
July 10, 2012 7:35pm CST
If you're gonna ask people what caused their deepest pains, they're more likely to answer the same -- breakup, failed relationship, broken heart. It may be true especially if you had already invested so much in the relationship that you even thought it would soon end in marriage. Only, it did not.
My answer to the question would be, betrayal of a friend. I am not the type of person who easily just trusts. Before I can even start sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings to anyone, I see to it that I can trust the person. And, truth is, trusting someone is also a choice. So, once when I made a decision to trust whom I thought was a friend, she failed me big time.
She's all friendly, warm, smiling. She was always trying to be there for me, accompany me wherever I go. I was more than a real sister to her, in fact. I supported her in everything, even when she stopped going to school and started work. I welcomed her to my nook without requiring her to share anything. I really thought everything's good. Until, I started noticing some weird things. Then, came the fateful day when I found out about her spreading nasty rumors about me. Twas the most painful thing I ever felt. I felt like I won't be able to recover anymore. I couldn't believe she could do anything like that.
I will never know her reasons for doing it but whenever I remember that, I get to be afraid to be attached to any new girl friend. I feel like nobody can ever be trusted anymore. Of course, I am aware this isn't right. And I just hope that the trauma will be gone one day so I can be open to making more friends.
3 people like this
9 responses
@jazel_juan (15745)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
It happens, i have been through this shark that is why sometimes i would rather be friends with a guy than be with a girl. In fact i have more male friends that female friends...
but then you will eventually find someone you can trust, there are worthy ones out there shark, it may not happen fast but it will come.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Same here, actually. I feel more comfy around guys. But, of course, there's a disadvantage to that. you can't be really close friends with them forever. They will soon marry and chances are their wives won't want you tagging along all the time. Happened already. Many of my closest guy friends can't even spend time with me anymore as their wives don't want them to even see me, at all. *sigh*
@seriousnuts (508)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
I agree that male friends are sometimes better than female friends. Whenever I needed help, the guy friends would be the ones to lend a hand. Still, I would observe the boundary with the guy friends and avoid being too close with them because as sharksfin had said, their girlfriends/wives wouldn't like it if you tag along with their partner. I had to admit though that I came to understand these girlfriends' sentiments when I started to experience the same thing with my bf. Some of his female friends demand too much time from him.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Really, seriousnuts? That's weird. Hmmm...
I didn't understand it before. When my friends' gfs were telling them to stay away from me, I felt twas so unfair. I thought that's too much. Like, hello?! I came first before you. But, it's a fact of life. When a man finally finds the girl they want to be with forever, they simply have to give up certain things. That's why they even live their biological families as is Biblical.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
11 Jul 12
Hi sharksfin, I do understand what your are saying and how
you feel but I look at it this way...as long as you harbor
that trauma within yourself, you could be missing something
fantastic from someone else known as a "real friend"...in
our lives there will be people who will hurt our hearts to
no end, but we must remember live goes on..
I feel we should never give anyone that much control in our
lives..because as of right now she is controlling your feelings
as far as making new friends and trusting others..
I understand you are hurt, but remember only you can claim that
energy you are turning over to her...
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Thanks for the reminder. It is well appreciated. But, trust me, I am not harboring any negatives inside me. That's why I am constantly surrendering the pain to God. I cry it out to God all the time. As I don't have much control of the pain I feel, I gotta release it to Someone Higher and Who is Healer of the brokenhearted. :)
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
11 Jul 12
You speak of God so I know you believe in his power but he also
says we should forgive and turn the other cheek,,,
I applause you for believing in someone with higher power...But don't
you think that he has provided you with necessary power to break that
brokenheart???
Anyway good luck to you and I wish you well....continued blessings!!!
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Yes, bjc. I believe that He has given me power through His Son Jesus. As the Bible says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." But, on a normal setting, it doesn't happen as easy. We're all work in progress. And even wounds take time to heal, right? God doesn't require us to do the work. HE just requires our willingness to do as HE said in His Word. Like forgiveness. It doesn't come naturally. It is also by choice. But, not because you gave your willingness, it will just happen as you wish. Sometimes, it takes time. :)
@clocks123 (1225)
• United States
12 Jul 12
yes, you find out who your friends really are. unfortunately, we get hurt in the process. i can assure you there will be others in your life whom will really be your friends. don't give up. the best to you
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
Yes. Only through certain situations that friendship is tested and those that fail aren't really for keeps. Sad, though. But, well, there's no use in crying over spilled milk, so the saying goes... Thanks for taking time to comment. ^_^
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
11 Jul 12
Tell me about it. I'm sorry for that. I just don't get what was her interest to trying become friend in the first place, I only try when I like the girl, she lost her time. Don't judge friends from her experience, fake people are everywhere and just because they are really afraid to show what they really are.
I had many failed friendships, had to sometimes come to hear the girl talking behind my back. It killed me back then, it made me stronger now and i think it was their lost. I'm loyal as a dog.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
Oh well...one of life's sad realities. But, I believe not because a friend can say something not so nice to us they're not really friends anymore. And, there are times, too, when they get to say something behind our back without the intention of really doing so. It's just plain carelessness. Sometimes, we get to do the same, actually. And it gets misunderstood for gossiping or stabbing their backs. When in fact, we're just careless at times in saying things about another person. What do you think?
@seriousnuts (508)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Hi sharksfin. I agree that this is a painful experience. I once had a friend who I had known for several years. It turned out that she didn't really see me as a friend. Perhaps she saw me only as her last resort? Because she's not really charismatic and had very few friends, and that's why choosing with whom to hang out with wasn't really her choice. After we graduated, she never called and emailed back. It's like she had disowned me. I felt cheated that time. But it was years ago, I fortunately had moved on.
I hope you too would forget the trauma caused by your friend. Some people aren't just capable of being a good friend because of their own issues. Maybe, she's jealous of you? Anyway, it doesn't mean that if a friend has betrayed you, all the rest of the people would betray you. I hope you find more good friends. I wish you all the best.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Thank you seriousnuts. :) I think you're the twin of cheerfulnuts. hehe
Anyway, yes, it was a painful one, indeed. Which reminds me that wasn't the first it happened to me. Back when I joined the corporate world, I met a girl who was rather quiet and timid. She would just be on one corner like me. What I didn't know was she's silently engaging with almost everyone through YMsgr. That includes me. She wasn't successful, though with others. And I was pretty popular so she kinda used me to penetrated the bunch, which she later on did. And when that day happened, I started to be an oblivion in her sight and she started to make me feel left out. She even had to drag everyone else away from me. I couldn't understand why she had to do that but it damaged me so much. It took a while before I was able to heal from that experience. :(
@seriousnuts (508)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Yes, I am her twin. hehe :)
About your friend from work, it seemed that she used you to get through your group of friends. She should at least show you her appreciation. It's unfair for her to act that way to you. I've encountered people like that too. And as much as possible, I stay away from them.
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
This is sad sharksfin.:( I don't understand why some people would hurt their own friends. You had't done anything wrong to her. None that you're aware of. I mean, if you'd hurt this girl, she should have just confronted you instead of backstabbing you. You were her friend, not her enemy. Her actions only proves how bad she is as a friend. This person couldn't be trusted, because every time someone makes a mistake and hurts her feelings, she would seek revenge. If I knew this girl, I would stay away from her. You're better off without her.
If it's not revenge that she was seeking, maybe jealousy had driven her to spread nasty rumors about you. Whatever her reason was, I still think nothing could justify her actions.
I've also encountered some bad friends. Although it's painful, it has made me wiser. I'm sure God is teaching you something from this.:) I hope this experience would help you find much nicer friends in the future.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
That's what actually pierced me, Cheerfulnuts. She could've just opened up her sentiments. That's what friends do. They trust each other enough that they can open up whatever they feel. It hurt me and I can't seem to understand why didn't she resolve to just coming to me and talk. And as I kept asking and asking myself, I arrived at the conclusion that maybe she wasn't really concerned about me at all. She was just concerned about whatever she was feeling. And maybe, she wasn't concerned about the friendship. Because if you're concerned about the friendship you can't sleep unless things are fixed. You don't want the bond to break. It didn't look like she's scared to break anything with what she did. So, I told myself, it could just be me who considered ours a friendship. Just me. To her it is next to nothing. Which is more sad. So, the lesson is, don't make assumptions that there really is friendship between you and another unless confirmed by both. What do you think?
@cheerfulnuts (604)
• Philippines
16 Jul 12
If she didn't care about you or the friendship, she should just walk away instead of spreading nasty rumors. That kind of behavior is low class. I don't know if you had been making assumptions about your friendship. It depends on how long you have known her. If someone always hangs out with me, calls me, and shares her problems to me, I would consider her to be more than just an acquaintance.
I think it's not only the friendship that has to be confirmed by both. You also have to have the same definition of friendship. It's possible that you were her friend too. But maybe she had understood the concept differently. Perhaps to her, friends are people she could use and hurt.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Beware of people with very charismatic attitude. Most of the time they are fake and will not make a good friend. I had the same kind of friend and just the mere mention of her name brings bad taste in my mind. Well, at least now I learned a lesson. I don't just trust anyone even if she is is friendly to me. I have just few friends but they are friends in the truest sense of the word.
The pain brought by someone you considered friend is hard to forget but you have to learn to get over. Just pick up the good lesson and move on. Life is still beautiful after all.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Thanks for the concern. I know what you mean. And, I have been praying and praying and asking God to help me recover from the pain. It's tough. Esp, she's someone I chose to trust. Terrible experience but still a worthwhile one. Taught me a lot.
I don't hate her. And I don't think I ever hated her. We usually mistake pain for anger or hatred. But, I know and I am very sure that I wasn't embittered by what she did to me. It pierced me so much I couldn't bear the pain. I have moved on, don't worry. But, of course, certain scars remain.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
11 Jul 12
I agree that there are certainly some things which people may feel as though they are never able to get over. One of these things is the first time that our heart is broken in a big way, because it can mean that the person who we have loved the most in our life no longer loves us, and this can be very hard to deal with indeed. I have to say that you should be able to get through things like that though as long as you have a loving and supporting family who would be able to be there for you, as they are the ones who you can go through your entire life relying on.
@desiree91 (515)
• Malaysia
11 Jul 12
That sounds awful, I'm sorry to hear about your painful experience with that bad friend. I think she has her own issues spreading nasty rumours about you. What goes around comes around. In fact, I'm sure people are noticing her bad behaviours way before you do. I can't really believe it either if I were you. I can't imagine my best friend right now doing the same to me. But like I said, they have their own issues and I hope you'll get over it entirely. In the meantime it teaches us to be a better person :)
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
Thankies, Desiree! I dont' mind anymore why she did what she did. Knowing why won't help anyway. The damage has been done and all there is to do is forgive and move on. Whatever makes her happy!
