Eavesdropping
By ElicBxn
@ElicBxn (64169)
United States
July 12, 2012 8:07pm CST
As you know, we have a new(ish) roommate.
I'm afraid that she is even MORE lacking in social skills than we previously believed.
We have given her a shelf in one of the big fridges for her stuff, and she has a small fridge in her room to keep water cold and any snack she wants in there.
We have, however, caught her helping herself to things that aren't on her shelf, there are times when I'm half tempted to "booby trap" something...
After a "reminder" she'll get where she asks if stuff ON her shelf is hers - then we remind her if it IS on her shelf its hers.
But...
The latest thing we've caught her doing is eavesdropping.
Early on she would pick up the phone when the roomie was talking to her mom or her friend "B" and kind of take over the conversation.
After getting told off about that, she would just pick up the phone, but often she was caught because she couldn't be bothered to turn off her TV or talking book.
Lately, tho, it seems she's begun hanging out outside doors.
For example, yesterday the roomie and I were talking about a sick cat. We were talking about "losing" him and taking him to the vet today.
As "D" and I started on the cat litter she asked me a question about losing something unrelated to cats or, honestly, anything we had been talking about.
I paused. And realized she had been sitting in the kitchen while the roomie and I were talking about Solo.
I said: "No, we were talking about Solo."
"Oh, well, I guess I misunderstood," she said.
"That's what you get when you eavesdrop isn't it? You don't get the whole story."
"Yeah, you're right," she said.
(I'm getting really tired of that particular phrase BTW, she uses it ALOT)
Well, today the roomie decided to order pizzas from Cici's. She got wings for herself and, also ordered some cinnamon rolls.
I was out putting my pizza away when "D" came out and asked me where the rolls were.
"Rolls?" I asked (thinking dinner rolls.)
"Yeah, the cinnamon rolls."
"Oh, you'll have to ask "V"," I told her.
Turns out those were "V"'s cinnamon rolls, she didn't plan on sharing them and didn't know how "D" knew about them - asked me if I told her.
"No," I replied. "I didn't know you had even ordered them until I picked up the food."
"I was standing right next to you on the phone," she told me.
"I only listened long enough to make sure you got my pizza right, and quit listening," I replied.
So, after saying just yesterday she wasn't going to eavesdrop anymore she had done it again!
"V" was in there for over a half hour talking to her about this.
Have you ever eavesdropped? Or have you ever had someone else eavesdrop on you and not get their facts straight?
7 people like this
13 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Sounds to me like y'all have a BIG problem. I doubt she will change her ways. It's bad when u have to learn how people are the hard way.
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I suspect that its going to be a trial for a while, but I think we can retrain her.
We're doing a bit of "good roommate/bad roommate" on her, but also trying to give her things to do.
Part of it is because she's bored, well, honestly, what was she doing in Kaufman that was so interesting?
I think she thought once she got here it was going to be lots of doing things like it was the week she came down on a visit - but the roomie took off that week to be with her and now the roomie has to work.
Heck, she was in the hospital/rehab the entire time that the roomie was off with her broken arms!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Good luck w/the retraining her, think u are going to need it.
1 person likes this
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I really wouldn't be able to deal with a roommate like that. I probably would end up lacing something with a laxative and leaving it in the fridge. 
I'm glad that it's just the boyfriend, the trio of tabbies and myself here. Although, there are obnoxious neighbors. 
Oh, well... I should be relocating to somewhere else nearby soon. Hopefully, the next batch of neighbors won't be quite so improperly wired and ill-mannered.
I'm glad that it's just the boyfriend, the trio of tabbies and myself here. Although, there are obnoxious neighbors. Oh, well... I should be relocating to somewhere else nearby soon. Hopefully, the next batch of neighbors won't be quite so improperly wired and ill-mannered.2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (51811)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
13 Jul 12
The stuff they put on kiddies' thumbs to stop them from sucking them?
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
14 Jul 12
No I don't remember that has ever happened to me. I hope the talk worked because everyone must have their privacy.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
14 Jul 12
the problem is that these conversations weren't so much private, we'd've made sure she couldn't hear us if they had been, and if she had just come in and joined in she could've caught up with the discussion and KNOWN what was going on, she chose to hang out outside for whatever reason both times!
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Jul 12
Sounds like she is trying to be a part of things like in a family where everyone knows what goes on. It seems she has not progressed to the idea that you guys are room-mates with separate lives. Maybe she feels left out because she has little interaction with others.
It does seem as if she is not capable of independent living and that she is much too reliant on the rest of you to make up the shortfalls she feels.
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
19 Jul 12
The thing is that we weren't excluding her, and if she had come in we'd've included her in the conversation... she CHOSE to stay outside the room and not come in, she chose to do it, that's what's annoying - believe me, if we didn't want her to hear anything, she wouldn't have heard it!
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (51811)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
13 Jul 12
Is she "developmentally delayed" as well as blind? I know you told us before that her mother took care of everything for her, but she forget to teach her manners. Maybe you should enrol her in obedience school...
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
13 Jul 12
You remember how Helen Keller behaved before Annie Sullivan "trained" her?
Well, while she isn't deaf, she also was allowed to be spoiled because I think they didn't want her tantrums.
She and the roomie met at a Lion's Camp when "D" threw mashed potatoes at the roomie and she threw them back. The difference is that the roomie can see well enough to have nailed her in the FACE with them. She says that "D" (10 at the time) stood there with her mouth opening and closing because she had NEVER had anyone do that to her before.
"D" also spent time at "The Brown School" (a place for children/teens who were out of control) because she hit someone at the Blind School.
However, once she was out of school, she was again allowed to act pretty much as she pleased.
She was at the Lighthouse for the Blind working for a while, but said that "the people there were so mean to her." Honestly, if she acted like this there, I sure can understand WHY they were "mean" to her!
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (51811)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
13 Jul 12
Yes, I was thinking of Helen Keller...
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Her lack of respect for everyone in the household is appalling. But it sounds like something a child would do...is she mentally mature or is she impaired? My first thought was to kick her out if she won't stop but then I thought maybe she has something wrong developmentally or intellectually.
Hey, I have a request. Many times I find it hard to read your stories--they are interesting but your use of just letter instead of names makes it confusing if it runs more than a couple of paragraphs, especially when there are multiple characters involved. Can you use regular names instead of letters? It allows me (and probably others) to personalize and internalize the personality you're talking about and everything makes more sense. I enjoy your stories but all the letters make them really difficult to make sense of for me.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I'm sorry about the letters, but I don't want to use real names - even if they aren't on the internet.
She isn't mentally impaired, but she wasn't made to grow up - what she's acting like is a child who wasn't allowed to be in the room while the "grown ups" talk.
She told the roomie that "I want to be part of the household, know whats going on" to which the roomie said, "then don't skulk outside the door, come in and take part of the conversation" **DUH** 
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I know what you mean about protecting people. There are many times I see people assign others silly names like Bertha or Sylvester that protect them but also make the story memorable. I tried assigning names like Vicki to "V" in long stories but I still lose track and can't follow it! Well, I guess it's just me...
I have a suggestion for the roomie. When you see her lurking ask her to come in and join the conversation. Soon she'll do it on her own. As for the phone, take away her extension if she won't quit picking up. Act like a child, get treated like a child.
I know it must be maddening. I don't know how you hold it together with so many people in the house!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
13 Jul 12
No I haven't and I think she is out of order and to be honest I would have said something to her by now, if she is not invited into the Conversation then she should not be listening and how hard it is to keep to the rule you will only take what is on your Shelf I don't know
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
14 Jul 12
Its not like we were having a "private" conversation - honestly, when we don't want to share what we want to talk about - we either do it on the computer or in the car going some place - otherwise she should just come in and participate...
Oh yeah, she's not too good at having a "CONVERSATION" she kind of plans out what she's going to say and if you get her off track she loses her place!
Monologs is what the roomie calls them.
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
13 Jul 12
Experienced the same. There are those who intentionally did for gossip's sake. Fresh news right from the source somethin! Grrr And it's really annoying! But, there are those who are nothing but nosy. I mean, they really don't have the intention but when they're somewhere around people talking, they can't help themselves but eavesdrop. Everything is but so juicy. Thing is, they don't carefully listen so when they share what they heard to someone else, the story becomes totally twisted. I think the reason is human's nature to want to appear knowledgeable. They want to know everything not necessarily in details just so when they engage in a conversation, they have something to say with all credibility and conviction. hehe...whatever their reasons are, it's simply not amusing.
1 person likes this
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I hope she's just being that way as a way to get to know you all and maybe she's shy?
@jerzgirl (9384)
• United States
14 Jul 12
Yeah - in fact, my daughter and I moved because of our nosy neighbor. She would actually climb the steps between our units to listen to get anything she might be able to use against us. We'd find out she'd overheard something when someone else in her family (from whom we rented) told us about it. We had absolutely no privacy there and she made no bones about her intentions to continue listening to as much as she could. I don't like disliking people, but she is someone I definitely do dislike and I do my best to avoid her (which can be hard when I go to the landlord's house and she lives right next door). So much of what she heard she'd embellish or completely misunderstand, but it would suddenly become the hottest gossip in town. I have already hated that when people are like that. I thought I got away from it when I left Utah. I was wrong.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
14 Jul 12
That's terrible! At least "D" isn't going off and telling everyone else!
And I guess the worst is that she exaggerates - I simply told her that eavesdropping didn't get her the correct info and she went and told the roomie I had "scolded" her - I was doing the cat boxes, I didn't have the energy to do that. If I had scolded her, she would know it - but maybe I need to actually lose my temper, not just get exasperated with her....
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I am ashamed to admit that I have eavesdropped in the past. It's something that I guess I learned from family. However I try not to as it's very rude. When eavesdropping you often mishear something and if you go and mention it, then well that's just rude.
Also, i would never even think of eavesdropping on a telephone conversation. It's rude. Maybe she is nervous about the whole thing, being mostly strangers. Though her eating others food just isn't very nice at all.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Not me and I can tell you that it would annoy me to no end if someone was doing it to me. Especially the phone scenario. I could see the occasional case of accidental on purpose overhearing if I were out in the house but over the phone or through the door? Uh..not nice.
1 person likes this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I am guilty at eavesdroppig! I think everyone does it once in awhile. SOme people just love doing it and will always do it! Sounds like your blind roomie is like that! I have known people who do it becasue they have nothing else better to do! In some cases did it to be mean to other people! I worked with a woman who did that! She would eavesdrop and then spread total lies about other employees!She was a very evil woman! She ended up getting for her being nasty! I am not the way but lately there has been alot of crazy stuff going on at work! So I have been eavesdropping! Today I was able sit down with some of my supervisors and talk about what is going on. I found out some of the stuff I heard was true but there was so much more to the story! I might make a discussion out of it! It is really crazy!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
13 Jul 12
I think all of us have done it sometimes, especially when the voices are raised and you can hear part or all of it - but you don't generally get the first part before you started listening...
Part of it is because she doesn't have anything better to do, but the roomie flat out told her that if she wants to know what's going on, just to come in and find out.
"D" asked once why the roomie why we message each other on the computer instead of getting up and going into the room and talking.
"Because we're lazy" the roomie replied - I think "D" thinks its because we're talking about her - and sometimes we are... but only because we don't want to be overheard.
The roomie said if "D" had asked if she could've had a cinnamon roll she might've given her one, but instead she asked "What fridge are the rolls in."
HONESTLY!
If she had WANTED cinnamon rolls, had come in while the roomie was ordering, she'd've been happy to get her some, but the way she acted, like they were for everyone is what pissed the roomie off.
