should i please my mother or myself?

One question first: If your mom came to you and said she hated the man you loved, and she felt he had stolen you from her, and she didn't want to come to your wedding-- would you dump the man you love? You are 20 years old. I can understand your feelings over losing your dad, but at your age, you should be mature enough to understand that your mom didn't die with him. She has as much right to a happy life with a loving partner as you do. Were I in your shoes, I would grow up, walk down the aisle, and prove to myself that I truly love her-- by letting her have love without guilt. I can almost guarantee she would do that for you.

That situation you are in must be an emotional minefield,having lost Your Dad,having the deeper closeness that must have developed with your Mom since then,and then having this new Guy now on the scene..Having to adjust to another "Father" figure can be difficult..This Guy has come between you and your Mom...and You feel the change that He's taking Her from You..And you feel She's ok with that..Has She/they ever discussed the situation with You? She can't just take things for granted that You're ok with this New Guy,and You say Marriage is on the cards? At the same time,You're old enough to be able to move out and live your own life..I'm sure you'd want to see Your Mom Happy,but YOUR happiness is a part of that too..Would You want to continue to live with them as a Family if they did get married? Is that an option?

To hsve any kind of inner peace you have to begin ith pleasing your selkf first. If it something that is also pleasing to someone else such as a parent that is just an added blessing to life.

I understand how you feel, maybe it is just that you are jealous because the attention that you think was for you has already transferred to your mom's boyfriend. I guess you can not prevent your mom to marry again because it is what makes her feel happier. Normally, you can not prevent a person when he/she is in love. If you are already an adult, you may have passed this stage in our life. If you love you mom, you will do anything to help her happy though it's against your will. Anyway, you can get used to having another dad.

Your mom also had her own life, not just take care of you. Since your father already pass away, your mom not have partners to shares her happiness, sadness, difficulties etc. As long your mother boyfriend not abuse/bully you, just let your mom find her own happiness ..... don't be too selfish.

You will always be your mother's child, don't ever forget that. As such, you will always have a place in your heart. Maybe at this point, she's enjoying the company of another person in a different light. Instead of looking at it that way, that you have someone else to share her attentions with, why not think of it as instead of just being you, there will now be two of you who will love and care for your mother? Of course I do not know how the new boyfriend treats your mother or any sort of thing, all I'm basing on is the situation. Just something for you to also think about.

That must be hard for you but don't you think you feel this way , hating your mom's boyfriend because of the attention he is getting from your mom which should have been yours. Either way will not do you good, I think it will be best for you to tell your mom how you feel. Talk to her like an adult that you are.

I guess what you need to do is talk to your mom and lay all your cards. I know she'll understand you no matter what. But also, keep in mind that she also has a prerogative in life and that is to be with someone again. It doesn't mean that she'll abandon you or anything. She needs to know your sentiment so that she can adjust to the situation. The more you keep silent, she'll just think that everything is ok for you. You both have to work hard in order to have a harmonious relationship. Keep an open mind and accept the things that will make both of you happy.