Is this what Modernization Implies and Brings-in for Us?
By theSids
@thesids (22180)
Bhubaneswar, India
August 21, 2012 2:14am CST
Yesterday, I was on the train to meet my ailing aunt. Now as it was a festive day, there were much more than the normal number of passengers. And amongst them was a differently abled girl who was trying to get into the compartment along with her old mom. As Mom was old she couldnt help her daughter get into the compartment and so did ask us (others) to help her daughter. I tried to help her and get her in, though my brother didnt appreciate my idea as I am ill myself and have to undergo a surgery next week (the gall bladder stones are now getting bigger and more painful), and again she was a girl aged about 20-25. But I did hold her and help her get up into the compartment. The two looked thankful and the old lady even blessed me.
In the compartment, it was jam packed and we had almost the same number of people standing as were seated. The old woman asked a few of the seated if they could allo her daughter to sit down for a while as it was a long 3 hour journey (in case the train was on schedule). Unfortunately none was even moved. And a couple of these seated people even started arguing with the old lady. I was deeply hurt. I was happy on one count though - my brother told me, if it was happening 10 years back, he would have surely roughed up these non-social people. These people who argued seemed to be from much affluent families - they were using high-tech mobiles, ipods and even a tablet computer.
I too asked a few and one said he would have helped but he was with his daughter (3years old who had high fever), so he could not help. But about 30 minutes later,he got up, and allowed the differently abled girl have a seat. I was happy that they could understand and make arrangements between themselves. The 3 hour journey was pleasant for the trio - taking turns to seat.
Though me and my brother didnt get any place to sit, we were both happy that this guy from a much smaller town (in fact a village) had the courtesy and manners to help someone who needed it.
The question that arises is - does modernization, being from the capital of the state give us the scope to throw away all the good manners, courtesy and virtues off the windows? This place wasnt this way 10 years back and people did believe in good manners.
What is your say to this?
Have a great day
theSids
ps: I am not at home and so might not be able to interact much on the discussion as the day passes, but would try my best to respond to as many I can.
5 people like this
15 responses
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
For me, sids, it's not modernization that makes people lose their manners. It's their being self centered that's the culprit. They don't want to give in because it would be an inconvenience for them, such as they will feel tired once they arrive to their destination.
Believe it or not, one time, while on a light rail transit, i have to stand to give way to a pregnant woman. The woman was so thankful, and the man seated in front only then and there offered his seat instead.
Speaking of guilt, that's what i guess struck the man. 
3 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Aug 12
Hi SimplyD
I wouldnt have felt bad of these people with the modern gadgets hanging around their necks, or in hands - if they wouldnt have argued. Their arguing against the lady made me feel bad. We all were headed to the same destination and it was the same duration for all of us.
It was saddening that their convenience caused more than inconvenience for a few others. I used modernization because my brother mentioned - the modern gadgets to be one of the reasons - they were glued to these gadgets all throughout the journey.
I missed out typing a few words about my brother - he has been the coolest of all people I know, the last time he was upset was in 1993 (we had a fight between us that day and we hit each other with cooking knives) and since then I have never seen him angry. And yesterday too he seemed to be upset.
I wouldnt have felt bad of these people with the modern gadgets hanging around their necks, or in hands - if they wouldnt have argued. Their arguing against the lady made me feel bad. We all were headed to the same destination and it was the same duration for all of us.
It was saddening that their convenience caused more than inconvenience for a few others. I used modernization because my brother mentioned - the modern gadgets to be one of the reasons - they were glued to these gadgets all throughout the journey.
I missed out typing a few words about my brother - he has been the coolest of all people I know, the last time he was upset was in 1993 (we had a fight between us that day and we hit each other with cooking knives) and since then I have never seen him angry. And yesterday too he seemed to be upset.3 people like this
@sweety_81 (2124)
• India
21 Aug 12
Yes, these days people are unwilling to let go off their selfishness, and have a general "Why should I care ?" attitude.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
22 Aug 12
It seems that most people are always after convenience.
See how those "instants" proliferates now?
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
21 Aug 12
Hi Sid,
How is your aunt now? and hope you are fully prepared for the surgery.
Basic manners has nothing to do with modern gadgets or the changing times. I always feel it depends on person to person and i would have appreicated if some kind herted could give away their seat for a while to the needy ones without asking, at least respecting them.
On the other hand the moment people sit (or get seat) with their modern ipod/iphone or even cell, they start either playing game or stick to music. They just don't want any other intervention in their personal life i.e. people these days are becoming mean minded/self centered only, that's why we say it is kaliyug. 
Take care.
How is your aunt now? and hope you are fully prepared for the surgery.
Basic manners has nothing to do with modern gadgets or the changing times. I always feel it depends on person to person and i would have appreicated if some kind herted could give away their seat for a while to the needy ones without asking, at least respecting them.
On the other hand the moment people sit (or get seat) with their modern ipod/iphone or even cell, they start either playing game or stick to music. They just don't want any other intervention in their personal life i.e. people these days are becoming mean minded/self centered only, that's why we say it is kaliyug.
Take care.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Aug 12
Hi viju
you are right, the manners are more about the person. And these bunch of people were too busy playing with their gadgets... addiction! might be the right word.
As for the surgery... it is a tall process, I am told that these operations cost about 50K for a two day stay with the surgery and medications and then the costs may be more in case the medications have to continue for a few days after the hospital... So it will take a while before these things happen!!! I have to do a few visits and appointments with the doctors before I get anywhere near the dates.
you are right, the manners are more about the person. And these bunch of people were too busy playing with their gadgets... addiction! might be the right word.
As for the surgery... it is a tall process, I am told that these operations cost about 50K for a two day stay with the surgery and medications and then the costs may be more in case the medications have to continue for a few days after the hospital... So it will take a while before these things happen!!! I have to do a few visits and appointments with the doctors before I get anywhere near the dates.1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
21 Aug 12
All of this starts at home. Back in the day , a child was taught manners at home. And sadly it seems women meant more Before they got their rights. A man would Never sit while Any woman was standing. But Over here and I guess everywhere men are taught women are Just as equal as men so this sign of manners was the first to go. In my area there is a law that the first 4-6 seats are reserved for senior citizens and the disabled. The bus kneels , meaning the driver can makes the steps lower.But even with these many young people don't move when an older person enters the bus. But there is hope. I was on a bus when the bus driver told a young person to move so an older person could sit in the front seat.
oh Bhai! Please write me about your surgery. I miss you.
Please write me about your surgery. I miss you. 
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Aug 12
Ok. Bhai. Write me when you decide. I hate not knowing how you are. Take Care
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Aug 12
Dear behen
I too am hopeful about the goodness would always be alive - so what if there will be many who might not follow but there will always be some who would agree and abide by the good rules.
For the surgery, I am not sure about it right now. It would cost me a lot and right now, I am trying to find out a better offer.
I too am hopeful about the goodness would always be alive - so what if there will be many who might not follow but there will always be some who would agree and abide by the good rules.
For the surgery, I am not sure about it right now. It would cost me a lot and right now, I am trying to find out a better offer.1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Aug 12
I never like writing about bad things to my dear ones. That is one reason which makes me slow and this illness has kept me away from almost every work that I did online a few months ago. I have seen all your emails but I know I havent responded to many of them, specially the recent ones. I will when I get back home... but then, right now, I am unsure when does that happen.
1 person likes this
@sweety_81 (2124)
• India
21 Aug 12
Things have become bad and even very bad in some cases, in terms of public virtue and basic courtesy. I have seen in Delhi Metro that people push and shove even ladies with small children. They have no ethics, no senses. Some people are still fine. Yet majority likes to fight, and quarrel. And I think that it does not matter whether a person is less or more educated. Decency comes from the mental state. Even a poor labour could be more courteous than a rich businessman.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Aug 12
Hi sweety
Yes, unfortunately things like these are more common today and specially I read about such happenings in the indian scenario. Though unsure whether these are common and daily happenings in the west too from where we borrow almost everything.
Yes, unfortunately things like these are more common today and specially I read about such happenings in the indian scenario. Though unsure whether these are common and daily happenings in the west too from where we borrow almost everything.1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
I agree that this modernization is not an advantage most of the time.
This modernization ruined a lot when it comes to manners, behavior among the younger genre (too bad)
But what surprised me is- the 3 hour trip on train with people standing.
I mean, how could it be?
You wrote here the train is jam packed that means- overload. (too bad again)
I can't imagine a 3 hours standing with little space to move.
Sorry to hear about your health as well and travelling with so much uncomfortable journey made it even worse
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
22 Aug 12
oh well, I don't know where is mamu now-but for sure busy with the preparation that he might not be able to book for my/out tickets :xx
Anyway, can I travel with the elephant rather than standing for 6-8 hours travel- and without a washroom
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Aug 12
Hi di
India is over crowded and the trains and buses are too crowded. It was a holiday too and that was another reason for more people travelling. I hope mamu has / will be sending you the invite for his marriage and when you arrive here, things about being over crowded would be easier and better experienced first hand...
There are also trains which cover over 300 kilometers (6-8 hours of travel) and have no washroom facilities - how comfortable would that be even if you had your seat
India is over crowded and the trains and buses are too crowded. It was a holiday too and that was another reason for more people travelling. I hope mamu has / will be sending you the invite for his marriage and when you arrive here, things about being over crowded would be easier and better experienced first hand...
There are also trains which cover over 300 kilometers (6-8 hours of travel) and have no washroom facilities - how comfortable would that be even if you had your seat1 person likes this
@thanks1961 (7033)
• India
21 Aug 12
Hi Sid,
Hope your aunt is fine and well now.
For you and me, such incidents are having much importance and it makes our life more thoughful and sometimes restless and painful too, which leading ultimately some kind of hatred and humiliation. And this is why you are initiated to come up with such a topic.
Yes, when compared to 10 years there is visibily wast difference in thinking and behaving. The population is increasing, competition is also increasing with the same speed. With a limited resources we all are forced to adjust with situations and we are ragging to automatically punish ourselves.
I will explain a smiall experience of yesterday, and it explains well for our discusion. Normally we travel in the morning and evening in the crowded train and it is a fact that we struggle to get into the train and have to try for 2-3 trains and finally 'managing' to get into a train. Also, fighting for a seat to get and once got a seat, no chance for someone else.
As this is the routine case, being yestserday was a holiday and I had to come office for some personal work and I left home little late and got a starting train from my local station. There were hardly any people in the train few were sitting and as many were standing on the door side, here & there. Means, there is enough space to sit, but no one want to sit.
I mentioned all here just to say that this is the human nature, if we got enough, no issues. This is the psychology of human beings and our society is largely increasing the poplulation and this aboundance vs with scarcity will transform the common people absolutely selfish and what it could be just after 100 years!
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Aug 12
Hi thanks
I agree that the population, competition etc are increasing but then, our conscience is getting killed amidst all this. We could share so of what we had and made a difference to those whom it mattered. But I see we get to share with wrong people and the wrong things. This judgement capacity is becoming less now a days.
After 100 years? Well, I think by then we would never need to get out of our houses as everything would be automatic - a push of a few buttons (hoping this of course, but I know, those days would be the days of only the rich and the poor - no mid-level things).
I agree that the population, competition etc are increasing but then, our conscience is getting killed amidst all this. We could share so of what we had and made a difference to those whom it mattered. But I see we get to share with wrong people and the wrong things. This judgement capacity is becoming less now a days.
After 100 years? Well, I think by then we would never need to get out of our houses as everything would be automatic - a push of a few buttons (hoping this of course, but I know, those days would be the days of only the rich and the poor - no mid-level things).1 person likes this
@thanks1961 (7033)
• India
21 Aug 12
Hi Sid,
Many people used to ask me, 'why you are only like this', and even some times I used to think also, why me only like this - yes, I am alwys restless by hearing, seeing and understanding things around.
I know, as an individual alone, nothing can be done and even now, with a crowd or a group also can't do anything. Again, sometimes when I see around, it feels me to think that 'people think we don't your support for anything and we know how to and what to' and this is the modern thinking.
If someone shows some kind of humanity, they are considered as our old style 'country' people. I always used think that people got enough education, knowledge, facilities, and many more... but lacking culture and civilization. I remember, some years before, when I was in a speech, I was asked to stop the words and the same wording I used. So, if we say open, the blood will get boild in some people and we need to stop for all, and you need to worry on your pain and think of how to make some coins for tomorrows food, and only think of that.
Sid, I am always restless just like how I was. I had written a story about 20 years before and staged the play by a group of people and the theme was about a person who's 'toung' got removed and asked him to speak and the way how he trying to speak. Any way, the play got banned and it didn't staged many.
I am restless.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169406)
• United States
21 Aug 12
A lot of people say modern life makes us less sensitive. It is also crowd mentality. If you and your brother had not tried to help, or asked for help,, probably even this one person would not have offered any help as it is easier to forget our conscience and humanity if all around us have done the same.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Aug 12
Dear GG
You are right, this might be the crowd mentality. I think it can relate to when I have and am in my comfort zone why the heck should I care to get out of it into something which would pain me.
it is easier to forget our conscience and humanity if all around us have done the same. - Loved the way you put it. 
Unfortunately, this is so very true today
You are right, this might be the crowd mentality. I think it can relate to when I have and am in my comfort zone why the heck should I care to get out of it into something which would pain me.
it is easier to forget our conscience and humanity if all around us have done the same. - Loved the way you put it.
Unfortunately, this is so very true today
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
21 Aug 12
Good morning, my dear Brother (for me it is, 3:30 a.m.) I wracked my memory..and went back to my formative years, sadly I cannot recall one incidence of this kind of disrespect!
Good manners were as much a part of our education as reading and writing! Able bodied persons were expected to offer "seats" to the very young, the challenged, the faint of heart, the elderly, ladies, and especially ladies with child. NOT only was it manners...BUT a response of respect! Juniors always respected the elders with; Mrs., M'am or Mr. & Sir! Never a casual first name..or hey, you!
I can only relate to what has happened in my country, but whenst we became a melting pot of cultures..we were first intimidated and shocked by the "pushing and shoving"--the blatant disregard of our cultural manners! The elder society became only chagrined, and spoke disparagingly about the change..and the next generations "pushed and shoved back" (survival of the fittest.)
I had my first indications with the changes to come, as a teen..living in my small home-town! A HUGE population of one culture bought and manned all the wood sawmills..and took over one entire section of our town! Their demeanor was a disrespectful, violent culture! Our manners were, if you were standing on the sidewalk talking, and some-one came to pass..you stepped aside and apologized.
This culture would "pack-up" with 20-30 participants...NARY would they give right away, or passage...you would have to step out onto the street, in traffic to get around...and if you were female, you were mocked and jeered! This changed OUR town..completely! And before long, they outnumbered the locals! We feared them, as their violence was reported in the local papers..nor did we go to their part of town, even tho' some necessary services were there!
And of course, parents of the last two generations are to blame (we had so many hardships)...we have brought our children up to believe "the world is their oyster!"
NOT my son, tho....he is 32 now...and I STILL get compliments on his good manners..as it is so unusual, today, from a young'un! Another reason for me to be so happy, you are my little Bro'...your manners are impeccable..you are a sweetheart!
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
15 Oct 12
Hi Sids,
I hope your surgery went well and you are now feeling a lot better!!
As for the rudeness and lack of compassion, well, I think that is pretty common everywhere. I'm not sure exactly why that is but it makes me sad also. In the store that I work in, there are some that come in either in wheel chairs or using walkers. I'll have a line of customers and on a good day, someone in that line will notice and get out of line and go to help. The door is heavy and not automatic so while they are able to get in without help, it is still quite a struggle. I even say, "Oh that poor man or lady looks like they could use some help." If no one budges, I'll make the line just wait while I run over to hold the door. The same goes for helping anyone struggling out with groceries. It angers me and makes me sad in equal measure. I don't understand the lack of compassion at all. 
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
23 Aug 12
I was very sad reading your post, nowadays when computers invade the world, it seems like people was too attached to it and dismiss the good value and right conduct. In my country though you will still see a lot of individuals who pay much attention and lend a helping hand particularly to the elderly and the needy. I loved seeing the world this way and I hope changes for the better will be prioritize by every person starting oneself. Today, we would see a lot of unmindful citizens, we must look out for each other because no man is an island as they say and changing and adapting a good character and behavior is the most important these days..
@jazel_juan (15745)
• Philippines
22 Aug 12
I do not think modernization is at fault here my friend... just that people nowadays gets consumed with the modern world that they do forget their manners..and just think of themselves - their comfort, their luxuries. i see a lot of people that way here too my friend, i rarely see a guy offer someone to cross a street, i rarely see people give their seats to someone in need. Its like the people have hardened their hearts..sad huh? that is why i believe it is up to us, people like us who can see better to change it starting with the younger generation, like my kids for one.. i do teach them how to be gentle, to be kind, to respect other people..to give and share.
i see a lot of people that way here too my friend, i rarely see a guy offer someone to cross a street, i rarely see people give their seats to someone in need. Its like the people have hardened their hearts..sad huh? that is why i believe it is up to us, people like us who can see better to change it starting with the younger generation, like my kids for one.. i do teach them how to be gentle, to be kind, to respect other people..to give and share. @JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Aug 12
Hi thesids! It is unfortunate that over time people have lost kindness and manners. It is not only there. I have seen things like that here too. I wonder if it is a sense of entitlement that makes people act like that. I have noticed that people who have been or are going through rough time tend to have more empathy than others. I think that things were truly different 10 years ago.
You are going to feel so much better after your surgery. I have a couple of friends that have had gall stones removed and it really helped them.
Take care
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
22 Aug 12
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people with so much more "advantage" in life can be so rude and inconsiderate of others. With all the advances in technology and increased accessibility to education, it just seems that instead of the world getting better, things are getting worse. Good luck with your surgery.
@Inderjeetkaur (944)
• India
23 Aug 12
Hello Sid,
People nowadays have turned extremely self centered. People are becoming insensitive towards other people's pain and problems. Seven years back when I was coming from Indore to my home town with my brother, we only had one reserved seat. I was in a poor health condition and was resting on my seat. At night when passengers were making sleeping arrangements my brother got up and stood in the passage way. A person who had a reserved berth opposite my seat asked my brother to sit there. Around 10:30 pm my brother got up from that passenger's seat and asked him to rest. That passenger insisted my brother to sleep on his reserved berth. He said that he'll sleep on the train floor. My brother refused that, but that man kept on insisting. He said that he too will not sleep and accompany my brother. Finally my brother said that he will sleep on the train floor. Only after that, the passenger rested on his berth. Earlier people were concerned about others, but now...
In spite of your stone problem you helped that girl get in the compartment. If you had a seat, I am sure you would have offered your seat too, to that girl. You are a modern person, but you would have done that. So, I think it is not modernization, but our upbringing, sensitivity and thinking that directs us to do something or not do something.
Hope your aunt is doing well. You too take care of your health.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
21 Aug 12
todays society seems to be much different from years back as you said. i do think so many people have been left spoiled by parents, and teachings that many just dont even consider what others feel nor care. im proud to say that even my youngest has been taught to consider others. (when hes sober) thats another problem. today so many people take things so as not to feel anything that its also a problem in society. 
