She/He cheated because you weren't giving enough...???
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30186)
Philippines
September 15, 2012 1:43am CST
Just a thought came out again, as i try to remember what came out from a friend who was hearing me tell the story of my love life (ex bf) to our group of friends. I told them and confirmed that i no longer am taking back my ex who is trying to pursue me yet again. I said i am not taking him back because he cheated on me. I told them how we were before and how much sacrifice my ex did for me that i could not still understand how he was able to do this thing and betrayed me. And this guy friend told me that probably there was something lacking in me, that he wanted, or could not get, or whatever that he felt someone else was able to give and so he took the bait and had another woman...
I just do not think this is true... not that i am perfect and that i am loving him enough, but i did know how much i gave him aswell, i know just how much i loved him and how much i tried to care for him, and so on... i could not believe that because you were trying to find something or has felt something new from another person you would be susceptible to cheating on the person you claim to love.
For me, it is not about being with a perfect partner, there are no perfect people and we can never have everything from one person alone and if this is the basis, then everyone else would not even be married as they would always find something that they do not liike... somehow though if love is true --- then people would be able to accept that and still find that you love the person enough not to cheat on them, no matter what.
4 people like this
6 responses
@celticeagle (189792)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Sep 12
It is so important to really get to know someone and what they like, what they need and want in a relationship before committing. I guess it is easy for a man to use it as an excuse but if he didn't feel he was getting all he wanted and needed he could have told you this. I agree that there are no perfect people in the world but it is respectabe to tell the other person that you aren't getting all you want and then look elsewhere rather than cheat. That is the responsible thing to do.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
oh i think he really should have brought it up if that was the case, i would have appreciated it and actually tried to explain myself. i know i haven't lack anything more than not give him... () well anyway.. i still find it to be a lousy excuse when you do use it to cover up what you have done and try to put the blame on me..
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189792)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Sep 12
Ya, he could have had alot more responsible way of handling the entire thing. Some men just can do no wrong and feel it is all the women's fault.
1 person likes this
@watchamacallitz (1171)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
I agree, if you really love your partner, you will never dare cheat on them. Unless, you have already fallen out of love from them, which is sad, really.
Good decision, by the way, chiyosan. If he was able to cheat on you in the past, there's a possibility he'd do it again thinking that you can accept him again. You deserve a better man.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
thank you watchamacallitz. I think it is really about trust, and when it was broken i do not know how much work he or me has to work on the relationship to put it back the way it used to be. He cheated and if he does not love me anymore, he could have just broken it off than hurt me by doing that. I just do not understand why people would be doing this. It was a good decision.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
15 Sep 12
That is just an excuse that he or she cheated beause you did not do enough. What enough is there to satisfy some people? I was told that no man woujld want to be with hyou until you kept a vry clean house and cook a perfect meal. Well my mother could not and neither could some of my friends. They learned when trhey got married and yet that adage about men want perfect girls for wives and most likely blonde, etc and tall. When someone cheats on his or her love that person should take the blame and it is wrong for your friend to blame your lack of ability or refusing to swing on a chandelier as a resson for cheating.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
well yes, that is exactly my point. a person who loves me, and is true to me will never cheat on me. as i have always been faced with such options myself in the past but i chose not to put action to other's advancement and showing signs that they care for me and so on. a person who can be stolen from someone is just someone who does not deserve those like us who would always remain faithful.
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
15 Sep 12
Being betrayed is so painful. It really hurts a lot.
To accept the person again is not an easy task to do.
We really need a forgiving heart. There are many wives
who accepted their husband again after the husband cheated
on them. Many do it out of love for their children, to provide
a conducive family environment for them to grow.
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
it is painful and for a lot of times i felt it was unbearable and could no lomger take the pain and the thoughts that i know i am in a miserable situation. Over time and prayers i got out of it but the fact renained that after forgiving him... i still cannot forget the images of betraal... Of the time i discovered iwas made a fool by the very person i trusted and love...
@sender621 (14889)
• United States
15 Sep 12
It is not your fault if your partner feels you are not giving enough to the relationship. if they need more from you they have to let you kniw, You are nit expected ti read their minds. Chang becae they did not get what they want frim the relartionshiop is just an excuse to ease the way into cheating and not feel guilty for it.1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
thank you sender, for your response to the discussion. i do not think of it as something that i should really care about. it just confuses me a bit with what my friend said, and in denial of course as to why some men think that they cheat because they haven't got something from that someone and others were able to give it. i don't know really if that is how men sees it.. or it is just their way of trying to deviate the blame and rub it on the other party.
@natliegleb (5173)
• India
15 Sep 12
i have seen it so many times for sure ,the love nowadays is so possesive and they want to share more rather than saving in bits
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
well yes, it is a bit shortlived for some. other people just look at relationships as part of one's life without much consideration as to how it should be and how their partners are to be treated, perhaps they do not yet see the person to be with them and get serious and so they play games with them :P
