Bread Winner's Silent Agony!
By Magz1989
@Magz1989 (271)
Philippines
October 16, 2012 2:59am CST
I was born in a family of very strong family ties though i'm the third child among the 5 siblings. My family class is average and all of us five have gone to school for education but problem starts when our eldest marry at the age of 15 in second year high school though my parents still support him but it didn't go well. He only waste his time to his friend...hanging out with them and didn't think seriously his married life so, his family attached to us, my parents were not supporting them up to now after their 15 years of marriage and with 4 child which are now going to school. Then, i had graduate in college and my parents lost all source of our income by just supporting my elder brothers family, so when i got a job , i support the education of my 2 younger siblings, for my second eldest brother also god married and cannot support us. Then time comes that, even I , was supporting the family of my elder brother. His so lazy, he know nothing in this life but to ask for my parents. My parents are very old now, they cannot work...and I am so tried with this kind of life i had, i cannot support them all especially i had a family now. I am not saying that I'm running away but it's to much for me and i can't bare it anymore....Its an agony....especially when the wife of my older brother is counting my salary....what a heck she is.....?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
Your brother's family is not your responsibility. You shouldn't be burdened by it at the first place. They are your brother's responsibility and not yours. They should be thankful that they have someone like you but it is not right to take advantage of your help. I also think that if you just help them like that, your brother won't learn his life's lessons. It should be made clear to him that he already has a family and he is responsible for them. He should be the one working and supporting them. If you really want to help them, help your brother or his wife to find a job or start a business. That way, they will be earning on their own and would learn how to stand with their own feet.
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
I know that it is so hard for you to be carrying a burden like this. Helping your siblings to send to school is I think okay. After all, you are the only one who can help them since, as you have mentioned, your parents have lost their means of earning and are now old. But with the family of your eldest brother, I think you no longer should carry the responsibility to support them. He needs to stand on his on feet most especially that he has 4 children already. I know that telling your brother about this could initiate a big fight but he must realize that he needs to do something for his own family and you have your own life to live and a future to save for yourself.
@shynepapin101 (1879)
• United Arab Emirates
16 Oct 12
Am so envious of you, your position and all the stress you put yourself through just to make sure your family is doing great or does better. Whoa, all that responsibility could make anybody go mad or depressed. Your parents have tolerated your eldest from the on-set, they should have let me work to support his family or better still advice him against getting married at that age.
Don't blame yourself for what has happened to others in your family, the decision they made and the route they took in life, every single individual has their own life to live, they decided what they wanted like you decided to make sure your future was secured, never in doubt of any unforeseen circumstances, congratulations to you and keep it up.
Stand for yourself, your life and the decisions you made.
@romzee (937)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
It's not your responsibility to support your older brother's family, and now that you have family your duty now is for your wife and children. From the way I see your situation, your old brother's family is abusing your kindness and generosity. If you stop supporting them you are not running away from responsibility, because your brother's family is his responsibility and clearly not yours. I am not telling you to stop helping them but they must also help themselves and not just depend on you.
@ofzhernandez (278)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
I knew someone that is also a bread winner in the family but the difference was he is still single the reason that he never complain. But I do think that if that person is now married and has a family of his own I think he will never help or gave money to all his siblings. Or maybe that is the reason why till now at the age of I think 33 or 34 he still not married because his family still needs him. They are 9 siblings and all has their family now and some of his siblings are not that good in terms of family the reason that some of them still ask for his help in terms of money. but I admire him coz he still help them and not asking when to pay the money borrowed. He just said that "try to find some ways how you can improve your living and when that time comes then pay me."^_^
@venkataraman_vc (5293)
• Chennai, India
16 Oct 12
Your position is so hectic, but I believe your brother's wife's position would also be very embarrassed.
The problem is the attitude of your brother. So, just try to talk with him and make him understand that you cannot anymore support 'his' family. Also, you can talk to your brother's wife about this.
Is she skilled? Can't she get a job herself? Then you can, if you can, find her a job too.
But, if they are not prepared to change, you should give them time and stop it all after that time limit. Some people learn only by experience. Let them have that experience.
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
16 Oct 12
I really respect you for what you did. You have a very good heart.
However, there is always a limit how far one can go. Please do not
let other people problems becomes too much a burden to you. Sometimes
people will take for granted and also take advantage of your kindness.If this problems going to be continuous, then they will never learn to be independent.
Perhaps you should find a way for this eldest brother's family to learn to be independent, step by step. All the best to you, your own family need you too!
@namiya (1721)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
I admire you not only for being a good child to your parent but as a good sibling too. However, having your brother and his family depend on you will only encourage his laziness and his wife has no right whatsoever to check how you spend your salary. If her husband is irresponsible, (and she could not reform his attitude) she should be the one to find ways to support her own family and not pass on the responsibility to you. There are times that we need to teach our love ones lessons through the hard way and i think if you will tolerate the free loading attitude of your brother and his wife they will never change.
@fatlex06 (895)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
Oh sh***. You don't deserve that. She don't need to count the salary that you have. Oh my. I'm pissed off. I think your elder brother should get a life. He is not born to be your agony but supposed to be a siblings. yeah, I understand that brothers and sisters should help each other but, hey, he doesn't even care to help himself. Oh. I think your elder brother should learn his lesson. You also have your own family now. Waaahh.. I really feel for you. I hope your brother will realize that what he's doing to you is just not right. Give him a lesson and let him stand on his own. Come on, your children will soon go to college. You don't need to give all the support that your elder brother needs in his family.
@eiram23 (421)
• Philippines
16 Oct 12
I can sense your agony. I admire you for being such a responsible son to your parents, brother to your siblings and father to your own family now. I know how hard it is when everybody is depending on you especially if you see them not doing anything for themselves. It would really be a pain in the neck when at the end of the day you will remember how your life i going on. I know sometimes its really tiring coz at times you would not even able to get your "wants" because you are thinking of their "needs". I am the eldest among us, I still have my younger sister studying. I am responsible for her school needs now that i have a job. I am not complaining though. This is one way of repaying my parents scarifices for me. BUt on your part it must be really hard. But please don't give up. Hang on. watching over you. He knows your sacrifices. He knows your pains and agony. In due time you will be rewarded. But it doesnt mean you have to spoil your siblings. Lrt them try to stand on their own. It will not be helpful anymore if you always agree with what they asked. Be strong God is with you all the way:)
When you feel like you can't bear it anymore, hand your burdens to Him and he will carry it for you:)God bless you..
