Toxic People

United States
October 18, 2012 1:43pm CST
I do believe that people can be toxic to others. I am living with one every day that is toxic to me. I don't know how to explain this other than his presence alone sometimes can make me feel degraded, ill, oppressed. The worst thing is that this person is my dad and I am supposed to love him. I do love him or I would not be here, period. I have come here of my own free will to stay here and to help him because of the situation with my mother becoming sick. I actually feared what he might do had I not come here to stay with him. Whether to himself or just in general because of his HUGE anger problems. He is not violent. But he has done things like sending letters to judges and the like that landed him in jail for a short period of time. I think my being here somewhat makes him restrain from things that land him in jail. I have come here to help. But I think I am being the one destroyed here. I have also stayed because my nieces live near here. Their mother is an hour away. I am here and I am the one who is mostly responsible for them when their dad drops them off here. I have stayed for this reason because I try to shield them from my dad's negativity when they visit here. This is a very complicated situation and I don't really expect any one to understand these things I'm talking about. i can hope, someone might, but I don't expect any one will. Soon I will be without internet because we can't pay the bill. I dont know when that will be but I am dreading it because i will have no where to go to be away from him and at least with the online world I have something to distract me. I don't have a way out of this situation. I have not a dime to my name except the $15 I got from myLot. That can neither pay my internet bill nor get me out of here because I don't have a car. I could not even walk out of here. The closest town of notable difference is 35 miles away. Any way I'm sorry if this is a bit personal in nature but I think it will help me to express these things even if no one here will understand what I mean. Thanks for reading if you have, take care and I hope you never have to deal with someone as toxic within your life or family.
4 people like this
10 responses
Brian
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
18 Oct 12
My ex was toxic, 100% toxic it was a shame I didn't realize that before I moved in with them. My ex had violent mood swings, was a control freak and a total manipulator who fed on my low self esteem and insecurities. I lost who I was and I became this tame passive mouse, I suffered with anxiety and depression, the relationship became toxic and in the end I had to escape. Fortunately that was five years ago and I pledge that I will never get into another relationship, my ex destroyed any love or feelings I could have for another human being, now I see everyone as being toxic. So I tar everyone with the same brush, I no longer associate with toxic people. At least experiencing time being around a toxic person you can recognize this feature in others.
3 people like this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
18 Oct 12
I'm so sorry that your ex had such a profound effect on you to the point you were no longer yourself. I don't feel that is happening to me, too much. I know there are some things that are effected by this in my personality. For the most part I am still me. And that is because of my strong faith in God that is getting me through this situation that i really have no choice but to remain in, at this time. But being as this is my dad I am pretty sure I've already seen the worst of what his toxic poison can do to me since I've not left here for very long. My mom becoming ill so often I've always come back to help. I don't think things can get much worse for me regarding his effects on me that have not occured already. I'd say I'm doing pretty well considering, thank God.
2 people like this
Kashmeresmycat
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Echoforever...after reading the comments back from you it seems like the only place close enough is still too far away. I commend you for taking on this completely insane task.....you must be an angel in disguise for your nieces, but isn't there anyone else to help out? You can't keep doing this and keep your health at the same time. Eventually it will wear away your physical being and no one wants that to happen to you. How in the world are you living without any money? I do have a website that might help you out if you like to "write." It's not a whole lot of money but it should get you more than what you have now. I'm not saying it's easy, but it does pay and is very legitimate. I've been payed many times, just enough to get me through on some essentials. If you're interested, just PM me. Out of curiosity, is there anyone in the area that needs babysitting services? It's a few extra bucks for you and you can do it from where you're living. Just a thought.... As far as this discussion goes, it doesn't matter if it's a personal discussion or not..everyone would like to help in one way or the other and you need to talk to someone. Stay strong echo...
1 person likes this
HomeBase
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
19 Oct 12
@echo...sorry, but I need to ask Kashmere something, pardon the interruption @Kashmere...pardon the interruption, I don't know if we have ever met, but I too need that info about the writing site if you please, thanks.
2 people like this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Kashmere is a cool cat sorry, I thought it would be cute! I'm surprised you haven't met before
2 people like this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Yes believe me i know about it degrading health wise because that's what has started my mom becoming ill and having cancer and then not being able to be rid of it for 3 years was all of the stress from here. I know some of it was her living before in the past, drinking a lot, smoking for years til forced to quit but a lot of it is also stress. Now she's living with my brother in a mostly stress free life and that is what she has to have. As for me I like to think (I could just be fooling myself...) that I deal with stress pretty well and that through prayer it is taken off the shoulders of the one who prays. I think that helps but its true I shouldn't stay in this situation if I can help it. that babysitting suggestion might be plausible if I'm able to get this place cleaned up a bit more. I wouldn't want to offer services the way this house is now. I'd have to go to their home of residence but sometimes they would rather not have you there. But it is a good suggestion I am in a couple article sites but if you like you can send me the link to the site you mean, in a message
2 people like this
Always smiling
@allknowing (153544)
• India
20 Oct 12
The plus point of this topic echo is that those who are better placed than you will go on bended knees and thank the Lord for the situation they are in. You have done a great favour by putting this down as I have read through some posts here who keep on grumbling about things that are far, far less disturbing.
1 person likes this
Always smiling
@allknowing (153544)
• India
21 Oct 12
We all face these kind of situations. Luckily for me I could afford to keep them away from my life. It was not easy as I am basically a people's person and just could not imagine having to live without some of these who are my extended family. The happiest day of my life was when I had the courage to do what I did.
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
21 Oct 12
I"m not much of a people person I guess. I always have them end up being mad at me or something.
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
20 Oct 12
I am happy to have helped others. As HomeBase said it is good to have somewhere to network, relate and vent. So I think I've done a nice thing for others but its helped me a lot to have the support.
HomeBase
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
18 Oct 12
I'm sure many people here on myLot can relate to your story. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, if you believe in prayer I would do some serious praying if I were you. Prayer works. It sucks that your closest town is 35 miles away, but keep thinking good thoughts and something good is bound to come out of it, but stay positive and try not to get all mentally dragged down. Try to keep your spirits up somehow, it's important!
1 person likes this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Thank you so much for your thoughts and your prayers. I do believe in prayer and I do pray! Things have gotten somewhat better, I keep praying and I have faith things will continue to improve. I do have some family support when I'm feeling low, I turn to them for help and advice, uplifting, and that sort of thing. They know the situation and they want me out of here too but I'm kind of stuck. Anyway, the nearest town is only 12 miles but the 35 mile away one has a notable difference other than 2 grocery stores and a post office. I think they even have an apartment building there if it isn't completely filled up or something like that...
1 person likes this
me
@dfollin (27267)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Homebase,You are right,prayer works.I am praying for you too echo.
HomeBase
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
19 Oct 12
You are welcome for the prayers...you keep me in your prayers too. I too have financial challenges that get me down at times. From 2009-2011 I was homeless with my young son, we stayed in homeless shelters and motels. We have a place now (thank God...prayers does work), but things still are not as they should be as far as my finances go. Hang in there!! God is good. 12 miles to the nearest town?? Wow. I don't even know what to say to that. I mean, I like my space just as much as the next person, but I think that 12 miles to the nearest town would be a challenge for me. 12 miles, to the nearest town? I can't get over that!! If you tell me that no ice-cream trucks run through there either, I will be positively livid!
deazil
@deazil (4730)
• United States
20 Oct 12
Dear echo, I can relate to your situation. There are many toxic people in the world. And don't minimize your problem because others may be worse off. It's still your problem and very big to you. I am in a very bad place right now. Mostly financial. I know someone gave you free internet sites to check out. I hope that works for you. If not, I get my internet service from Verizon for $25 a month. They sent me a modem and it's plugged into the landline. I don't have a landline phone/service but that doesn't matter. All you need is the line. I hope you get the free service. I'm so sorry for all your troubles but I think you have much strength of character. I have been through a lot and apparently it only gets worse with age (I'm 64). I fear ending up homeless and I have 3 cats. I worry all the time about them. There are things I need to do but I have less than 0 motivation. Unlike you, I've brought some of my problems on myself. Bad choices that seemed good at the time. I am my worst enemy. Be strong echo. I'm weak and it's dragging me down. I was a strong person for so long but now I'm tired. Too tired. Take care of yourself. You're doing a good job.
1 person likes this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
21 Oct 12
Hello Deazil I really appreciate your response! Hon you are strong for all you have dealt with whether years ago or not it was still stressful to you. Even what you have been through I should never try to compare because my life is my own and what I go through can not really compare to your struggles. I appreciate your concern. I hope that your motivation and increase, I will pray for that, God bless.
rahmabaegood
@rahmabaegood (166)
• India
19 Oct 12
Some people just never care about others, but we should not see it that way, maybe they just have a bad day and can't give his or her best to us. Nobody perfect, and never expect people to be perfect. YOu can expect it that way but it is only in the mind.
1 person likes this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
19 Oct 12
rahmabaegood - You are correct to say we should not judge. This could be a misconception that we bring when we do so. Sometimes people aren't feeling well, even for long periods of time, so they are unable to give more. But it is still difficult and I think some of what he does is on purpose, sadly.
me
@dfollin (27267)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Hi echo,Wow,you have a plate full!You are basically giving up your life to help other's.How commendable!I have been in situations,mostly romantic relationships,where the person was toxic.And I got away from them after I tried to help them and it obviously wasn't going to work. I don't understand,if your father has such anger issues then why do your nieces come visit?How old are they? This cannot be good for them either.I know this is hard,but maybe tough love is best here.Maybe he should go to jail and take anger management classes. Lol,your $15 is more then I have.Do you have a landline phone? There are some free dial up internet connections.Dial up is not very fast,but at least it's something.Do you have a cell phone that is web capable? My thought's and prayers are with you.
Kashmeresmycat
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Never heard of free dial-up. I've heard it's free for one month maybe, but then you pay. What's the name of these "free dial-up" places so echo can check them out...she needs some help.
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Thank you for your time to come read my blurb of crazy rantings! Free dial up? That would be great because that's what I am on right now any way and paying for it! Well the girls are young. The reason they come over is because basically their father brings them when he needs a break. But also because my sister (their mother) has tried to come over here many times to visit them. Usually she could make it and there have only been a handful of times she didn't. But now she has no car, so, if they come over then it is me to take care of them. Hopefully all of that makes some sense. The cell phone is kind of a dinosaur too. I live almost in the stone ages out here. Its crazy but true!
1 person likes this
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Same for me, I've never heard of that free dial up before. If it is safe and true then I would definetely take it up!
MysD
@mysdianait (66005)
• Italy
18 Oct 12
Gosh you have given up your own life to be in this situation and be near to your mother and your nieces, even though you know what sort of person your father is. You are in the middle of nowhere and alone too to deal with all of this by yourself? I can absolutely understand how internet is a release for you and is a distraction from all that you have going on offline and I feel for you knowing that soon you will have no more internet. I wish, like Hatley, that I was nearer to you, not necessarily to help you with the bill, but to at least meet up once in a while for a coffee. You risk going nuts in this situation sooner or later surely? I(s there no way you can get help so that you can be away once in a while and have some 'me' time because you definately deserve it!
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Hey there you are! I've missed you, where you been hiding! Well there's a few options I have for "me" time but it doesn't involve much "getting away". I don't have any where to go here, all my friends had a falling out with me a couple years ago. My options are finding a quiet spot to read, playing my guitar or bass guitar or possibly going for very long walks! Some how I manage. Thanks for thinking of me in this situation even if you're not here, you do help! I have fun here with ya, that counts. We could pretend to have virtual coffee one day?
1 person likes this
bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
18 Oct 12
so sorry echo. a couple of years ago i could have helped a little. but here lately im barely getting by and only have internet because its in the bills here. i was around some like that back in florida a few years ago and was also in the middle of no where. i dont know what to advice. if only someone could run you into town to hang at the library every few days, you could use the internet there and maybe find some answers. you must have dial up or you could get signals, right? do you have a phone? perhaps stay in contact with others that way.
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
18 Oct 12
Its good to know someone understands the middle of nowhere blues! Yep you are correct that I am in dial up now. Hmm, there is one idea. The library is only 4 miles away, that's something at least. I could go and check out books or get on the internet there, I think they still have that available. I do have a cell phone to talk on but not a lot of minutes, if I get too darn bored I'll have to call someone though
Cutie18f
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
Hi there! I felt sad reading your discussion because it reminds me of a similar relationship I once had many years ago. Now I am free from it and I am no longer open to having another one which would only stunt me as a person.
echoforever
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
19 Oct 12
I'm sorry my discussion brought those bad memories for you. I'm glad you are out of your bad situation. I will hope for mine to change or a way to get me out of here.