Always give, never any take
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
November 6, 2012 9:02pm CST
I grew up always believing that the relationships that we have in our lives are give and take relationships. In other words, we work together with our partner or other people that we have relationships with so that we are able to achieve anything that we aspire to achieve.
However, as an outsider looking in I see that there are a lot of relationships where this is not the case at all. It seems that there are people that are constantly giving and never getting anything in return.
For example, a friend of mine is currently looking for a job. She doesn't care where she gets a job she just needs to make some money so that she will be able to provide for her children.
Well, her boyfriend is constantly calling her and demanding to know where she is and what she is doing. How on earth can you have a job and be able to support your family when you are in a situation like this?
Do you feel like relationships typically work as they are supposed to or do you see a lot of dysfunction in relationships? How about your own relationships, how do they work and are you happy with the way that they work?
4 people like this
10 responses
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
7 Nov 12
In all honesty, I am so frustrated on how my marriage has become. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but with constant emotional stress, it is really getting too much. I would like to think that I have been doing my part and yet I am not credited for all the sacrifices I made. Really, we do not need to be constantly be praised with the things we do. But a little appreciation would be nice. I have given my all and he.....well, he just thinks that a wife should do everything and there is no life out side the family. Sad, huh? Well.... I get by...
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Nov 12
I'm finally getting to the point where I have some life outside of my spouse and children, but it has been something that has been a long time coming. You see, for the first several years of my children's lives, I never had anything that didn't revolve around my family.
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
8 Nov 12
I believe me and my husbands relationship is pretty good. We support each even though I don't work and he does we do our best with what we have.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Nov 12
I do believe that it is important for us to learn to work with what we do have in our lives. I've not worked outside the house in years, but I'm the one that is at home to cook and clean and keep the house while he is working hard outside the house. It is definitely a symbiotic relationship that we share.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 13
I do agree with you that it is very important that we learn to work with what we have. I can also tell you that you are not alone in being in the boat where there have been times that you've skipped meals just to make sure that your children were able to eat.
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
9 Apr 13
Oh yes. I think that comes with parenthood where we the parents will give up that and many other things for our children.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Nov 12
hi dorannmwin as I did not shack up like the moderns do I had a marriage and a wonderful husband who made me so happy and treated me so well. what is with this friend whose boyfriend is keeping tabs on her all the time are they living
together and if so how come hes not working too? I worked outside the home a lot in my marriage as my hubby had colon cancer and was laid up for awhile.If I w ere
your friend i would ditch that fellow as if he 's checking up on her soon he will be accusing her of cheating then comes the shoving and pushing then slapping and finally beating. she needs him not at all.I am not of the boyfriend girlfriend live together era at all. lol.My one relationship was equal with love, respect and trust so good for 33 years only his smoking marred tings as it killed him
and his heart.I have been a widow for a long long time since 
1 991 in fact.
1 991 in fact.@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 13
Her boyfriend is one of those people that will get a job and will keep it for a little while and then he will get tired of the job (or the fact that he is not with her 24 hours a day and he will end up quitting his job). If you ask me, he is the kind of person that is never going to amount to anything in his life.
@lelin1123 (15594)
• Puerto Rico
10 Nov 12
That is a horrible situation to be in, I feel bad for her. She needs to get rid of the jerk. I thankfully have a great hubby and we have been together for twenty-four years. We always have each others back and we always work together in every situation that pops up, good or bad. If you work together and communicate always things should continue to go in the right direction. If you don't have respect for each other, or communicate and think you rule over the other one it will never work out.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 13
She really does need to be rid of him and I've told her that time and time again, but it doesn't make any difference because even when she does leave, she always ends up back with him. This is not a healthy relationship at all in my opinion.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 13
I don't think that this would be something that would work if there was absolutely nothing in return. I feel like a relationship is a relationship because of the fact that you are working together with the other person to get things done, in all aspects of life.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
7 Apr 13
hi dear dorannmwin, I am just pondering these things about my own marriage. We are in a major crisis right now but I still think that separation is not a good idea at all. Its much better to really sit down and work things out and not run from them as running from them wont make it any better. I also thought that I give much more than I take...... but sometimes i really seem to fail to acknowledge what my husband does for me. Just yesterday he talked about some things which hurt him and he has never told me but bottled these up in side himself. I am glad they are out in the open now and I hope I will learn to be more patient with him......
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 13
Just like with your relationship with your husband, there has been major crisis in my relationship as well. However, I know that we are able to work through things because of the fact that we are a couple and that is what our relationship has been built on.
However with my friend's relationship, I don't think that is what their relationship is built on and that is the reason that I don't believe their relationship will not really withstand the test of time.
@rusty2rusty (6771)
• Defiance, Ohio
7 Nov 12
I see relationships changing over the years. They are not what they were when I was a child. So, to me I see alot of dysfunction. Over the years I have learned that relationships can be different but work for the couple and their families. I see more fathers staying home and caring for kids as the mother goes out and works. That was not the normal when I was growing up. I also have noticed if both people do not give in a relationship. Eventually the relationship will break and not last. Some people don't realize when they should walk away and I see alot of dysfunction that way.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Nov 12
I was very lucky to grow up with parents that had a relationship that seemed to be as close to perfect as a relationship could be. I do believe that it is a direct result of the relationship that my parents had that has made me willing to work so hard to make sure that my relationship is a functional relationship.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
7 Nov 12
i have 2 kids here that is a good relationship. i give financial help and they give physical help
but my youngest, except for a couple of instances its been more i give
most peoples love/partner relationships are messed up. havent often seen a perfect one like mine and late hubbys. my daughter gives and gives and gives to her bf, financially and help wise. gets very little i can see in return. she used to hint at it was special private attention she got but just the other day she finally seems to be getting fed up. as she said something along the lines of shes not getting any attention in the bedroom either
but my youngest, except for a couple of instances its been more i give most peoples love/partner relationships are messed up. havent often seen a perfect one like mine and late hubbys. my daughter gives and gives and gives to her bf, financially and help wise. gets very little i can see in return. she used to hint at it was special private attention she got but just the other day she finally seems to be getting fed up. as she said something along the lines of shes not getting any attention in the bedroom either@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Nov 12
I don't really think that there is any relationship that is perfect and I will admit that during the last year my relationship has been far from perfect. However, I do think that things are getting better for the two of us.
Now my relationship with my family, even, is a good relationship where we are more symbiotic instead of one person being a user and the other being a constant giver.
@much2say (57760)
• Los Angeles, California
8 Nov 12
I am very happy with the way things work with hubby and I. We've always had that give and take relationship - I'd like to think we work as a team.
But like you said as an outsider looking in, I do see a lot of dysfunctional relationships around me. I don't see how many people are in the relationships that they are in - and it's no wonder how so many of the them fall apart, or at least eventually. And strange to say, but some people seem to thrive on "dysfunction" - not my cup of tea - but maybe that's just how some people are - they don't want to be in that position, but that's the type of environment they get used to, I guess.
I know I couldn't deal with a watch dog boyfriend like your friend's - that would show me how insecure or untrusting he is. It would drive me bonkers if I had a to justify my every move to someone!!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Apr 13
There is absolutely no way that I would be able to be in a relationship where I was constantly telling someone every thing that I was doing at all times. I mean I didn't always do well with letting my mother know where I was and what I was doing when I was a teenager, there is no way that I would be able to do that now.
@missjahn (4572)
• Philippines
7 Nov 12
yes of course, in every relationship, give and take process is highly appreciated to establish deeper understanding between the two. well, concerning about my relationship with my boyfriend, he understood that i am really busy with my studies so that is why, he will call me during my vacant times. he knew it because i gave him my schedule. so, i put in my mind that he never contacted me because i knew he knew how to put himself into my situation not to disturb me. well, if i am not doing anything in the school, i will text him to inform him that i am not so busy and we can text each other or call me or vice versa. so that is what it is.
;) thanks for sharing :)
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
8 Nov 12
It is great to hear that the relationship between yourself and your boyfriend is working out the way that it is. I would venture to say that things would not work out this way for most people.
