They drive me up the wall
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
November 27, 2012 10:31pm CST
Well, Kroger was doing a holiday thank-you promotion and I asked my mother about sharing our spending so that we would be able to make a bonus. She said that was fine and that instead of sharing the bonus that we earned, she would just let me have the bonus money (times are tough for us and it was a little way that she could help us out).
Today we went to the Kroger Marketplace to get some groceries and I was also going to spend the thank-you bonus money as well to get a new set of sheets for our bed. We pick out the sheets and get our groceries as well. Then we go to check out and it was saying that there wasn't a bonus on the Kroger plus card. I was heated to say the least because I really did want the sheets, but I didn't want to pay thirty dollars for them (they were still half off, but I didn't have the money to spend). We check out with our groceries and I left my beautiful sheets behind.
As soon as we got out to the car I called my mother to find out if anyone used the bonus and she asks everyone in her house. My brother responds that he was at Kroger Marketplace today and he *thinks* he used the bonus money. I was heated as she told him when I earned the bonus for them that the money on the Kroger card was mine.
Mom offered to give me twenty dollars for the money that I should have been allowed to spend and for that I am grateful. However, it doesn't make me happy at all to know that my brother and sister-in-law have so little respect for my mother who gives them a free roof over their head that they would steal from her (I say her because she is the one that is going to be out money now). This isn't the first time that they've done this to us either. We've gotten RX rewards (free groceries for transferring prescriptions, filling a new prescription) and they decide to use those as well.
Is there anyone in your family that would steal from another family member? Do you think that using the free money because it is there is fair when you know that the "free money" belongs to someone else?
2 people like this
16 responses
@missybear (11391)
• United States
29 Nov 12
How come the free money wasn't in your name, I don't quite understand how they got to be able to spend it.
Luckily stuff like that hasn't happened in 10 plus years since i broke up with my ex.....he used to spend my money and sold my stuff while I was working my butt off
1 person likes this
@missybear (11391)
• United States
29 Nov 12
Now I can see how that can happen, still that's not right
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
It was linked to the Kroger plus card as opposed to a particular name. I have a card and my mother has a card from the same account (they issue three cards to the account and my husband used to have one, but it broke and he burned it up at work). However, you also have the option of using a phone number as well, an alternate ID. I know that they have a tendency to use the home phone number at Mom's house as opposed to carrying their own card. They do have an account of their own.
1 person likes this
@Arieles (2473)
• United States
4 Dec 12
We hear it all the time, see it on specials everyday, and have experienced it for ourselves on several occasions. Why would you want to steal from anyone that doesn't have anything? Really? I don't think it's the act of stealing itself, but the attention they get from stealing whether it be positive or negative, they're getting attention. I try. I try hard. I have had family members steal from me and I don't like it, who would? The most recent item that has been stolen is a library book. I home school my two young children and we were frequenting the library and doing a unit on the civil war. We checked out several books, and one came up missing. I was furious. The book cost $27.00. I don't have $27.00 to pay for this book.
Needless to say, I am so mad that my kids and I won't be checking out any more books from the library. My kids are losing out, and it saddens me more than it angers me. We won't be able to read books on units we are studying because I just can't the chance that someone will steal from me again. I just think some people need to grow up. It's not the first item I have stolen from me, it's just one little incident. It's about attention, be it negative or positive.
Needless to say, I am so mad that my kids and I won't be checking out any more books from the library. My kids are losing out, and it saddens me more than it angers me. We won't be able to read books on units we are studying because I just can't the chance that someone will steal from me again. I just think some people need to grow up. It's not the first item I have stolen from me, it's just one little incident. It's about attention, be it negative or positive.1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I don't know that I really agree with you that it is all about attention. In some situations, I do think that the reason that people steal is because of the fact that they need/want things that they just cannot afford. In this kind of a situation, I think it was greed, but I know that there are plenty of cases where people steal because they aren't able to fulfill all of their needs.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6430)
• Canada
28 Nov 12
How frustrating for you. It might be easier in the future to just get your own account so that you can use the rewards yourself.
Before my husband and I became aware of budgeting, we didn't really pay attention to the amount that grocery bills came to, so your brother's mistake could have just been inattention as opposed to deliberately trying to take it.
1 person likes this
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
28 Nov 12
it is always unfair to to have implemented some changes in the bonus procedures without information or notice to the customers. it is also not nice to know that other people are getting money from others. in my mind, the free money that you mentioned actually does not belong to anyone as long as anyone has the rightful claim on it (thus making it not free anymore).
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
And it really wasn't free money to start with because you did have to spend at the store in order to get the bonus. However, the savings certainly were something that was important to our family.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
I'm hoping to be able to make it back to the store sometime this week. I just hope that they still have the color sheets that I wanted because the ones that I had were the last set in the color and size that I wanted/needed. But I will be getting myself a set of sheets regardless.
1 person likes this
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
28 Nov 12
What I can so is that your brother sounds like a real winner....
Why don't you and your Mom just let him get his own card and
let him accumulate his own bonuses..this is an easy fix...
because he has no respect for other people's property...
Good luck!!!!
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
Oh, I can't think of a bigger winner than my brother roflmao
Not only does he need to get his own Kroger card, I think that it is beyond time that he also gets a place of his own to live. He is 30 years old now and has never lived away from my mother. I was a late bloomer in getting a place of my own as well, but my husband and I did buy our own house when I was 27 years old and we haven't looked back.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
28 Nov 12
That was so wrong of them. My daughter did basically the same thing to my parents. They messed up my parents prescription and gave them $50 on their card. Later they tried to use it and it came up with a $15 credit left. My daughter uses their card as to help them with their points as she does not go there often. When they asked her, she said if so, she did not realize it. Yeah right.
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
28 Nov 12
I think it stinks. Like you said they are already getting a free ride...but that is how it is...when someone gets something free they usually get a sense of entitlement....and that goes for a whole bunch of other subjects too. I know no one in my family would do that without asking.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
I consider it to be luck when I'm given something, but it is also something that is rare for me to be able to get. He and his wife seem to think that the world owes them something. I could write a book about some of the things that they do that I would never stoop to the level of doing.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Nov 12
are you sure he knew it was yours? i dont know if you could call whats happening here in my house "stealing" but its not nice. krogers here is called frys. they have a cents off gas allotment that they add up over time from what groceries you buy. my daughter still uses the card for this household. i asked her the other day, since she has her own car now. did she get some money off gas. she said she would but son always beats her to it. i told her she needs to get her own card since she buys their own groceries. 
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
Yes, my mom told him when I asked her about it after I'd put the last few dollars (plus all of my groceries for the month on her card) that she told me that I was the one that would be getting the bonus. You see, the card is actually in her name and is attached to her home phone number.
Now I typically do put all of our purchases on our own Kroger plus card and that is simply so we are able to use the cents off gas incentive all the time. What I really love right now is that they are doing quadruple points for gift cards. I'll be getting gift cards for Red Lobster this weekend because that is where Kathryn wants to go for her birthday and I might as well be able to save the twenty cents per gallon of gas as well.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
28 Nov 12
You have your own family, you should have your own cards. People outside of your household shouldn't be on the same account as you.
It's one thing to take your mom shopping and ring both orders up on your card so you get the points. It is another, more complicated, thing when you try to split an account between your household and hers.
Save yourself the trouble and maintain your own separate household in all respects--including the store loyalty cards.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
We actually do have our own account and card but when it comes to working on the bonuses, we try to work together because there is no way that either of us would be able to reach the bonus amounts by individual households.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
28 Nov 12
ou brother has such a large sense of entitlement! This is so wrong but of course, yur mother will try to keep the peace.This is what we mother's do. Keep the peace. They are being so disrespectful to your mother. she is probably aware of this but is keeping the peace. Your brother should have given you the $20 not your mother. No we don't have anyone in the family like that , that comes to mind but in my husband's family they fought over money and land for years.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
There are so many times that I really feel like I try to be the peace keeper in our family. I try not to ask for much when we are struggling and when I do have to ask for a little bit of help, I feel terrible about it.
I also think that he should have been the one to pay me the money, but alas, he is claiming that it is an accident that he used it. Uh, excuse me, it was an accident that you went to a Kroger store that you never go to and bought general merchandise?
@aabuda (1722)
• Philippines
28 Nov 12
I think they did not do it in purpose. They were actually thinking that it is just okay since it is from your mother and anyways it was just free. So I think don't bother yourself of thinking that they steal money from your mom.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
Honestly, this is just one thing in a series of different things that they've done. They seem to take advantage of my mother whenever and where ever they can.
@Dominique25 (9460)
• United States
9 Dec 12
Yeah that would be annoying. Especially since you and your mother made arrangements for that. It's too bad that she doesn't make them pay you the money your suppose to use. It is awful that they did that to her as well. Thankfully I don't have anyone in my family who does that.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Dec 12
You are very lucky that you don't have anyone in your family that is like that. And I do have to say that I agree that they should have been the ones to have paid me back, but my mother is a peacemaker and she doesn't want to rock the boat.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Oh, I know completely what you mean. You see, my brother is 30 years old and has three children of his own, and yet he is living with my mother free of charge. He has no drive at all to find a place of his own and I think that is downright pathetic. I might have been older (28) when I got my own house but while I was living with my mother, we were paying rent and buying groceries.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9460)
• United States
10 Dec 12
I guess as long as your mom is fine with it then everything will work out. I just think that it will be very hard for your brother to start taking care of his own responsibilities if he doesn't learn now. Because our parents will not always be around to step in for us.
@drravikiran (38)
• India
28 Nov 12
Well, there will always be some people in a family or extended family who do this kind of stealing and FEEL as if they are SMARTER THAN YOU. Being kind or considerate of others is, in their opinion, not intelligent. You cant change their opinions obviously. Best thing to do comprises of three actions - as per my say.
1. Always be careful of your belongings / share - avoid leaving them any opportunity to use them up
2. In case, they somehow happen to steal it, do not make a news of it - they just feel prouder. Ignore them in everything - they may feel a bit let down
3. Warn everyone else in the family that this fellow is selfishly smart. Slowly everyone else will change and this fellow will have to.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
You are exactly right, you have to be very careful when it comes to dealing with other people, whether it is family or not. I really wish that it could be that you were able to trust your family members, but in many situations, this is something that is clearly not the case.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
26 Apr 13
oh dear dorann that would drive me up the wall as well. It is stealing what your brother did and at least he should pay that money out of his own pocket instead of your mom giving these 20 bucks to you as she knows you are short of cash.
@chunxiao (66)
• China
28 Nov 12
I can understand what you have experienced.And you ask that is it fair for your brother using your money.For my part,it is depends on your family relationship.In my family,I have a good relationship with my sister(she has married) .Before I graduated from the college,sometimes I spent her money for she having income.Now,I am working and I can support myself.Now and then,we used our money together.However,the condition was that we were willing to do so and I would tell her when using her money.And I usually bought clothes for her to repay her.And I think we cannot make a clear bill among family members.Distinguishing clearly on money is ,to some extent,not very good for the family relations.However, if you don't like your sister-in-law and your brother and they usually make small gains at your expense ,you two sides can not get along well in money relations.And gradually you always feel uncomfortable for their behavior.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
29 Nov 12
I'm the kind of person that would give another person, friend or family, the shirt off of my back or my last few cents. However, that is only if someone would come to me and ask me for help. To just take something from me, or from anyone else is stealing in my opinion and that is just not something that I've ever been able to permit.
