Defending Abused People's Abusers or Parents / myLot

United States

December 17, 2012 5:57pm CST

I noticed something about my mother. I tend to get ticked off when I hear stories of how someone was abused by their parents or have had a rough life in general cause their parents were low lifes or something. I was mentioning this a few times on my disgust and put the blame on someone's parents too for the person's walk down the wrong path in life. I'm sure some people with crazy parents can make good lives for themselves but not all. What I don't understand why would someone defend an abuser, saying you don't know what you would do in a situation like they had? Meaning if the abuser had a child and abused it it might be OK cause you don't know what caused the abuser to be abusive.(???) I was just appalled at what I had heard. Then when I was mentioning about someone who continuously is on the news with the wrong doings they do, I said her parents aren't exactly role models, etc. (I was trying to say her parents molded her life somewhat in this way), she got angry & defensive too saying she could have made a better life for herself and the parents aren't at fault (once again). Do you think she is harboring defensive feelings for the way she was all her parenting life and that is why she defends these people?? I am wondering that myself now...If she even knew I was speaking with a shrink about these things that I tell you all she would be pissed at me for life cause it is the truth and the truth hurts for her. That is abusive too don't you think? That I would never be "allowed" to talk about my parents in what they do.

3 responses

Jennifer

@LovingMyBabies (85923)

• Valdosta, Georgia

18 Dec 12

The person might be defending them because they feel its a personal attack as well like towards them. Or they could be like my sister where they are just mad in the heat of the moment and vent. But she defends her fiance right after someone else says something about him no matter how bad he has treated her... Weird I know but she does it all the time. I no longer give her my opinion about him because she doesn't actually want to hear it or take my advice. Parents do have a role in parts of the way we all are. I have very little self confidence in myself, I have little self worth because of how I was raised and what I went through my whole life. I guess I could have made the decision to change myself no matter how I was raised but I never really thought of that as an option. I am working on changing my outlook in life now but its hard after so many years... I think you and I were BOTH abused when we were younger and even now too. There is mental abuse and verbal abuse which is what we have been through...Sometimes those two things are the worst. It has left me with many emotional scars in my life!

celticeagle

@celticeagle (189792)

• Boise, Idaho

18 Dec 12

I think that the sadness comes from an abuser coming from an abusive situation. Meaning a child that s abused may become an abuser too. This person could feel defensive because they were innocent at the time and felt their mother was perfect in their eyes. Never being allowed to talk about what may have happened is rather abusive in itself because you can work through this and get to the other side of it unless you talk about it. And good mothers want the very best for their children and when that doesn't happen they may feel guilty and that they weren't good mothers because of this.

@jenny1015 (13359)

• Philippines

18 Dec 12

We know that our parent's upbringing will greatly affect how we are brought up by themselves, we should not blame everything that has happened to us to our parents. We have our own minds to decide on things. We are not born evil. We learn to differenciate what is good from bad. And sometimes, even if we were brought up my really good parents, but we refuse to follow everything that they tell us to do, then we make ourselves as pest of the society. "you don't know what you would do in a situation like they had?"....obviously, with that being said, that person grew up having a twisted mind and needs psychological treatment. It can never be a good excuse to be an abuser because you were abused as a child.