People who flake (don't show up, quit etc)

I totally understand you. I was upset with this guy who told me he would love to see me for dinner on the weekend and come weekend he would tell me he's with a friend and couldn't leave him! What an ahole!

I guess I could let it pass I there is a satisfactory excuse or answer for bailing out or even giving people a heads-up. I hate waiting for nothing and my time is money or whatever action I chose to do rather than waiting for someone. But eprosnally, I am very big on commitments. friends of mien know this and they know that they are late when I have a not-so-nice expression on my face when we meet. I try as much as possible to be the early bird because I hate to be the one lagging behind. With the modern technology and gadgets, you'd think that it is so easy to send a message via text for a very important message.

Well i know a lot who has been like this and often we would just stop inviting them anymore. Ihave bailed out a couple of times as well myself but these days i do have valid reasons such as emergency, sudden work problems, etc. I agree with you, especially on several items that you have said in here. Yes it is a big deal when one backs out the last time and i even had told someone about him backing out the last minute and i asked him to still pay for the reservation because everyone agreed to a certain amount of expense already. And you are not over reacting on this, if you allow them to bail out everytime they just messes everything up. The plan, the people involved, expenses, and everything else related to the person being there. It does matter and you do have a point here. I hate having to deal with people who are so indecisive such as this too.

Well obviously I can't tell you what you should do since every case like this is varies. For me, I think it was was just an eye opening experience to have someone fail to show up, or show up late consistently. I realized that the way I felt, was how others felt when I failed to show up on time, and so gave me motivation to be better than I had been in the past. I also realized just how incredibly selfish I was, in that I felt I was just so important, that everyone should 'hop to' when I was waiting. Lastly, I also had the sad experience of being furious over a particular no-show, when it turned out that she had a huge family issue, and was busy renting out a motel to sleep at, because she had been kicked out. Obviously she forgot we were meeting. Then I felt horrible about being so angry. However, regardless of all that, I also realized that someone unreliable, is just unreliable, and that I can't count on them. So I've also learned to be skeptical of someone who has a long track record of failing show, or being late. I just make plans the include a high probability to not happening. Or call them repeatedly asking if the deal is still on. However, the main thing that I learned is to have higher expectations of myself, and lower expectations of those around me. Being angry at everyone for not meeting my every demand, just makes me a jerk, and everyone to rightfully conclude I'm arrogant.

I've always stressed the importance of commitments and responsibilities to my children. They need to learn to be decisive, committed, and respect others. There are always the possibilities of things would come up unexpectedly that prevent us to follow through our commitments (besides the end of the world); but we have to know how to handle that without disrespecting others. Being flaky is very disrespectful. In turn, a flake will not gain any respect from others either.

It is so because more people are becoming irresponsible so next time be careful of to whom are you dealing with.

These people are great teachers. They teach us to be more patient. They teach us who we can depend on, who will keep their word. So when things like this happen in my life, I silently thank them, and just know that this person is not the person I can depend on when I need something.

There is only ONE thing that wrankles me more than this...is that they BAIL...but do NOT take the time to let you know! Possibly I am jaded, but I grew up in an era when commitments were honored...people were considerate and respected (as you say;barring the end of the world.) NO..I am NOT a flake, I DO keep my commitments!

I don't like people who flake and don't show up. I had this friend who's always flaky even when he was the one who suggested the time and venue. The next day he would text he could not show up. It's annoying and draining for those who wait and paid for the movie tickets and dinner on his behalf only for him to bail out 20 minutes before showing time.

I absolutely agree with you that this is very annoying and should not be done! I have a childcare business and I go through this all the time. Someone will call, set up a time to come over and see the place, then I am sitting here waiting for hours and they never show up! How hard would it be for them to call me and say I'm sorry something came up? NOT hard at all!! They just don't care or they have no respect at all... Also, for things like birthday parties and such. People will respond yes now a days and then never show up anyway!!! I had 8 people supposed to be coming last year to my kids birthday party. 2 out of those 8 showed up when they ALL said they would be there! We had a TON of extra food left over because these people never came! It is SO rude and it drives me crazy too. I am not like that, I have a funny thing called respect. I was taught respect at a young age and I use it!

I agree with you completely, why say yes and then back out? Unless of course you have an extreme emergency that makes it unavoidable. I also can't stand when people show up late. I find it shows a lack of respect as well.

Its easy to say that the flake is someone who stands around thinking that their time and desires outweigh that of another person's, but isn't that the same for everyone? I agree that the right thing to do is to stick to the plans we make but not everyone is okay with having structured plans and schedules with their lives. There are people who are more comfortable with not adhering to plans and are happiest when they don't have a blueprint they must follow. When you ask a person like this to make a plan with you, you may be asking them to sacrifice their happiness to conform to what you think is good and normal behavior. There is nothing wrong with compromise, this may be what is going on inside a flake's mind when he agreed to go along with your plan. But then it does not mean that they are asked to compromise anything. Think about it, would we want someone who shows up with a fake smile plastered on their face as they go through the motion of being friends with you or would you prefer someone that they would cancel if they weren't feeling up for it? I think, when we genuinely care for someone, we should try to respect that sometimes they need to do what feels right for them. The reasons for them flaking might have nothing to do with you, but with the thousands of other things happening in their lives. Getting mad at flakes seems like the same self-centered thought flakes are accused of. Should we hold someone to their word at the expense of their happiness? We do not decide who gets to be happy. And no one signed a social contract saying that we have to give the same weight and priority to all our commitments. Im not saying its good to flake. (I have flaked before; mostly i avoid committing to plans now to escape hearing BUT YOU SAID... ) its okay to be annoyed too when someone flakes. But maybe we should adjust our expectations instead of thinking about what right and wrong social behavior is, i think that would make us much happier with our lives. Lowering expectations to the point that they're already met. With making plans, everyone has the ability to compromise.

I would say that its bad upbringing or a social influence. The people we live with determine our attitudes. it needn't be that we copy that attitude. At times we build the opposite attitude. When I was a kid, my dad used to always tell me that we would go out for the weekend but at the last moment he would get some office work and we wouldn't go. This taught me that I shouldn't be like that