The Victories & Defeats Fighting Fat Part 5

Tweet

For some reason I hadn't understood that my self-esteem would rise and/or fall on my weight and/or financial conditions. Too much of the former and not enough of the latter brought me down. What a ridiculous premise to base your feelings, attitudes and everyday life on. Whether I was fat or not, had money or not, didn't make me a good or bad person, a worse or better person. I was, at all times, a caring person and that was the bottom line. Once again I got into the battle of the bulge in a fighting mode. I was 203.75 on October 24, 1981---by December 28 I had lost 21 pounds in 17 weeks down to 181---hurrah! A couple of very important things happened in the 1981-1983 span. I met the love of my life--I completely stopped drinking (haven't had a drop of alcohol since)--got a great waiter's job that would benefit my financially until they went out of business--my friend 'ice skater Mike' (not the Michael I mentioned before--he was to die in the late 80s) became the first fatality of AIDS in Broward County--Flo, who had always accepted me unconditionally died--my mother died leaving me a small inheritance, letting me stop working for awhile so I could spend more time with my love (he worked days, I worked night--he was off weekends, I was off Wednesdays and Thursdays) and afforded us an opportunity to take a driving trip to Tennessee, via New Orleans, on the way to St. Louis to see "A Chorus Line" of which I had become a'groupie' (THAT story is in another discussion)--what was destined to happen, because of circumstances, the love of my life and I parted. The pain of that was to be almost unbearable so, of course, I turned to food (like I needed an excuse!) The 80s and 90s were a roller coaster of life as my pattern seems to have been since the beginning. A lot of bad and good things happened such as having to declare bankruptcy in the 90s and, slowly, but surely, going way over 200 pounds--way over--clinging to the fact that at least I hadn't gained all my weight back (well, that was one of the good things!) In June of 1999 I really lucked out--I was able to move into a government subsidized apartment complex on the inter-coastal, getting a 1 bedroom apartment!! I weighed 217.5 I,also, got one of my best waiter's job just a few blocks away. Then I was to go on my last diet ever--I thought! (to be continued--sorry these discussions are turning into a book---mmmmmm--that's not a bad idea!))