Post-Crash Diagnoses

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In a previous post, I narrated how a car accident has changed my routine. Now I have to endure the challenges of daily commute in order to get to work and back home, alongside some humbling, or rather, eye-opening realizations. The crash also led to something else that may actually be seen positively, but perhaps later after I learn how to cope with my new medical condition. I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in 2011. I treated it for two years, after which I gradually stopped the medication since I was no longer feeling the symptoms (excessive sweating, tremors, palpitations, fatigue, weight loss). When I consulted a doctor to check if I had nose fracture due to the accident, what he noticed was my throat. So I had to undergo a series of tests to check my thyroid. When we met again he also performed nasal endoscopy on me to check if the inside of my nose was fine. The tests did not yield favorable results. Apparently, i still have toxic goiter so I have to return to my medication. The other diagnosis was something new. The doc found a mass at the back of my nose, an adenoid. He showed me the video of my endoscopy and he showed me a clip of nasapharyngeal cancer case. After scaring the hell out of me, he told me that the mass was probably not cancerous. And it's probably because of my allergic rhinitis. But yeah, we can never be sure so he prescribed me with loads of medicines plus a nasal spray because we need to dissolve the mass. I hate taking medicines. I know someday these synthetic drugs will ruin my liver. That's why after feeling okay, I stopped the anti-thyroid meds. Now I need to cooperate to rule out cancer for good. But what's making everything difficult for me are the steroids. I need to take them three times a day, plus the steroid in the nasal spray. So I'm on a steroid boost program. The effect: I have gained a lot of weight in just one week. The steroids are making me hungry all the time and I have problems with fluid retention. I have also stopped my fitness program due to extreme exhaustion from work and commute. And vice-versa: my heaviness is also making it very hard for me to walk, take the stairs and basically, move around. That's why I wake up with leg cramps. Worse, because I feel miserable about what is happening to me, I have also been stress-eating. Worst, whenever I see my moon-face in the mirror and whenever my dresses won't zip, I feel ugly and fat. Ergo, more stress. I know it only needs a change of attitude. For days, I have been summoning my will power but to no avail. I know acceptance is the key. But right now I'm still in denial, or maybe in a state of anger. So I guess I still need to hurdle two stages to fully accept my new realities.