Do You Really Miss Him?
By Morley Hunt
@Morleyhunt (21741)
Canada
January 3, 2016 6:21am CST
My father has moved into my home.
Trying to keep his friends in contact has been difficult. To minimize the difficulty, he still has the same telephone number (call forwarding) and the same mailing address (again, forwarding).
At my mothers funeral, so many people told us how much they would miss her. I just smiled, biting my tongue the entire time. How can you miss her? She hasn't been to church in months. You have NEVER telephoned, visited or even sent a card.
Now my father is in my home. Yes, he does make it to church each week, but again, no phone calls or visits. He reads the cards sent in condolence, but a visit or a phone call now, would mean so much more.
9 people like this
6 responses
@ElusiveButterfly (45941)
• United States
3 Jan 16
I feel it is so sad when the elderly are forgotten. My client who just passed never received visitors. Only one person who was consistent with visiting her, was only there a few times a month. I was her PCA for 9 years and in those 9 years she was never visited by her 2 daughters or received a phone call from them. Her niece who lived down south called her often but because of the distance was unable to see her but a few times.
I try to see those that have moved to assisted living or nursing homes. However, I have to realize I can't save the world, I have a family of my own as well. But, even a visit once a month to these people would perk their spirits up so much.
4 people like this
@Morleyhunt (21741)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
I am part of a large family. The ones who live the farthest are the most active in keeping in touch. It would be so good to see everyone take an active part in visiting and calling him.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (21741)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
A few family members are making a sincere effort. They are the ones for whom distances interferes with their ability to be there. Living several hours away, I don't expect those sibling to visit often. Those who live close by would do well to stop by to visit. If my presence is a problem, I'd be only to happy to go out for a couple of hours. I'm not looking for a pat on the back or a shoulder to cry on. I'm just concerned that if something happens to him (his health is fragile) they will say, Why didn't you let me know? Holding my fathers hand through this difficult time is one thing...babying my brothers is another. ( Now I just sound whiney)
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
3 Jan 16
@Morleyhunt No, you don't sound whiney - you are just saying it like it is. Can you not just tell your brothers what you have told us in this post, perhaps they just need to see things from your point of view.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (21741)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
One brother has been to the cemetery several times, but has not made it out to see his father...does that make any sense. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Maybe I just expect too much.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (21741)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
I hear from one of my brothers....oh, I am so busy. I told him, it takes five minutes, maximum to call to say hello. I'm sure you waste that much time every day catching up on Facebook.
@JudyEv (381760)
• Rockingham, Australia
3 Jan 16
This is a sad state of affairs but it seems just human nature that people don't bother/can't find the time/whatever to visit. I know some church groups organise visiting rosters to try to ease the loneliness of some of their parishioners.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (21741)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
I have several brothers. One has said, if you think dad needs a visitor...text me, don't let him know you asked me to come. I must be contrary. I think he should just come to visit, not wait for me to suggest it.
2 people like this
@marlina (154103)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
@Morleyhunt I agree with you, you'd think he would come up with that desire to see him on his own.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (381760)
• Rockingham, Australia
3 Jan 16
@Morleyhunt He should just build it into his schedule and make a habit of coming regularly. Some people really don't seem to care much about their parents - or at least not while they're coping okay - or being 'coped for'!
@Morethanamom (1948)
• Canada
3 Jan 16
That does seem to get the way things go. Once I get the girls back to school I will have to pop in here and there. As well, let me know if there is anything I can help with and I will do my best.
1 person likes this
