The Next Step

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I hate laptops. This is my second time writing this as I found myself in someone else's profile just now and not finishing up this post as I was almost finished. Pip woke me this morning, full of energy and wanting to go out. She also wanted to eat. Why today and not any other day in the previous days? Why did she have to be so energetic and hungry? Yet when I brought her in, she came in the office and went in the corner and I knew. She didn't stay there long and wanted out again and I put her out and allowed her to stay out for a little while. When she came back in she went into the hall to lie down where she liked to lay. She finished her dog food yesterday. We had only been getting the smallest bags because we knew it would be soon. Not having any dog food for her I gave her a couple treats and then a bowl of chili for her last meal. I made chili yesterday. At quarter to one I grabbed her leash and she got all excited. She loved car rides. She didn't know this would be her last, and my heart broke. When we got to the vet, I think she knew she would not be going home. She hung outside the exam room and didn't want to go in. However, she still wagged her tail and looked at me with those trusting eyes of hers. My older son came with me. He was her first owner, yet it was me she came to. I bent down and kissed her snout and told her I loved her and I was sorry. Then he doctor came in with the nurse and a blanket for the floor, and she knew. She wanted nothing to do with the blanket. I reached down and tapped the blanket and asked her to come lay down, and my heart broke. Again, I kissed her and told her I loved her and I was sorry. I was crying so much that when the doctor gave her the first injection I fled the room. I couldn't stay, but I couldn't stay out either. I went back in seconds later and she was gone. I reached down, kissed her and told her I loved her and I was sorry. It took a long time to stop crying so I could drive home. I buckled her collar around her leash, washed her bowls, and took them into my son's room where they would go into the upper cupboard and join Rascal's bowls, collar, and leash. I washed her bed. I was going to put it in the cupboard to, instead I took it and put it on my bed. I was about done crying when I read the messages from here and on Facebook where I left a message about Pip and my heart broke again, and right now I'm about to start crying all over again. I swept the kitchen floor, which was mostly dog hair, and at one point I almost went to the door to let her in. I don't know what the next step is going to be. I miss Pip so much it hurts. It hurts that I left her behind at the vets office. There was one point when I just wanted to turn around and return home, but I knew it was best. The cancer was real bad. She wasn't eating, and she had found a place to hide. I knew it was time. I am glad I have her last day to remember, how energetic she was in her last hours and the trust in her eyes. I knew she loved me. If ever there is a definition of unconditional love, it's called a dog. Okay, I need to close this as I'm crying buckets again. I don't know what the next step is. Someday I want to have another dog. I can't imagine my life without one, even knowing what I've gone through twice now. Pip has joined Rascal across the Rainbow Bridge and is frolicking and playing with all the other dogs and cats who also crossed that bridge. I would like to think we will be united one day, but I don't know. That is one thing the Bible isn't clear about. Yet I do know there are horses in heaven. The Bible does mention those, so hopefully our precious pets we love so much will be there too. Thanks for reading.