Is a gentleman passe today? An oddity?

A painting of me in my gentleman days
@GreatMartin (23670)
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
March 25, 2016 9:10am CST
I was brought up to be a gentleman and a gentle man. My parents were immigrants (mother from Russia, father from England) in the very early 1900s. They were raised on the lower east side of NYC and the first that they learned was that manners brought respect and they instilled that in us. We were taught to hold a door open for a woman, hold her chair when she goes to sit, never call her by her first name unless she gives you permission. We addressed adults by "Ma'am' or "Sir", never cursed in front of a woman and/or pressured her. If someone dropped something we bent to pick it up. We lit their cigarette before our own, gave the other person the first choice of a candy from the box, etc. Maybe trivial things but showing respect for the other human being. You never, ever, hit a woman no matter what the circumstances and you never fought with a man unless honor was at stake. A man always picked up the check, answered invitations, responded to a letter within 24 hours, returned phone calls--always did the 'right' thing. Manners, and respect, was always concerned with making the other person feel comfortable with you. You never discussed religion and/or politics--you went to church/synagogue and voted in all elections. You didn't consciously hurt someone and if,when you did you apologized and what caused the hurt and didn't repeat it. We never asked what something cost or what salary a person made. We didn't air 'dirty family laundry' and didn't ask what went on behind closed doors. These things I have carried within me to this day--even during the beginning of the feminist movement when I was put down for opening the door for a woman ("I am quite capable of opening my own door!"). We were taught to give back to our community, our friends, our neighbors. I don't know when it started but rudeness and disrespect seem to be on a rampage today. People shout at each other in stores, talk on a cell phone in public places disturbing others, (not to forget when they are having dinner with you!) don't keep appointments and don't call to explain why they won't be able to make it. We didn't give the 'finger' to strangers and we shouldered the blame when we did something wrong. We didn't/don't build ourselves up by tearing another done. I have no qualms being a gentleman--a gentle man--even if generations (anyone under 60) look at me as a wuss. I am proud that most of my life--not 100%--I have used my wit, not physical/mental and/or emotional abuse, to win an argument or change someones point of view--and though I dismiss a lot of my parent's upbringing I am thankful they taught me manners and respect--if only more parents would do the same today and maybe change the our/your world as it is now.
9 people like this
8 responses
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
25 Mar 16
I think most of us older people were brought up that way Martin - respect is the key word. Respect for other people and for their views.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
27 Mar 16
@amadeo @Marcyaz and @jaboUK Oddly enough since I wrote this and broke my finger a lot of kids have offered to help me, have opened the door, asked if I needed to have my groceries carried, etc. Obviously they know the right thing, they know respect so why don't they use it in every day life?
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64346)
• United Kingdom
27 Mar 16
@GreatMartin Well, at least if they show respect sometimes, that's a plus.
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
27 Mar 16
@GreatMartin At least they know the proper respect now so that says something for them.
1 person likes this
@shivamani10 (11035)
• Hyderabad, India
23 Jun 16
teaching manners is important . But, that is what the parents are neglecting.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
24 Jun 16
Never to late to learn and/or teach.
@LdeL0318 (6400)
• Philippines
25 Mar 16
That's so nice of you.
1 person likes this
@simone10 (54180)
• Louisville, Kentucky
2 Apr 16
Amen to that! We were also taught manners and to be respective. I am amazed and appalled the way people are these days, especially the younger group.
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
28 Mar 16
Unfortunately parents today don't teach their children how to be a gentle man or woman. Too busy, to much to do, no time for this or that. it is sad. I'm glad i had time for my children. I think they are wonderful gentle humans.
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
28 Mar 16
They just don't take the time sadly.
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (109841)
• Los Angeles, California
25 Mar 16
Outstanding commentary. Very succinctly expressed and I agree with you completely. And not just men not being gentlemen anymore but women not being ladies anymore. Sir, you are no wuss. That a gentleman never is. Having manners has shamefully gone out of style.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
25 Mar 16
My boys were all brought up to respect others a nd it is a shame that it seems like todays youth are not being brought up to respect anything or anyone. Good for you that you had parents like that.
@amadeo (111937)
• United States
25 Mar 16
They do not have any respect.Different generation and they do not give a hoot about your generation.This is what get from these spoiled brats from their parents.