~When Is That No Longer A Good Excuse?~
By Jennifer
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
Valdosta, Georgia
April 12, 2016 11:04am CST
My husband was treated really bad as a child. His parents gave him cigarettes at 9 years old for a birthday present, they rarely ever gave him clothes and food he needed, and when he was 10 years old they left him in a trailer alone and went to Mexico for months. He lived alone for a little while-dropped out of school, cut lawns to make a little money and barely survived on his own. His aunt finally took him in a few months later when he became unable to make it...
With all of that said-when is being treated that way no longer an excuse as an adult? My husband doesn't treat our children this way-he's amazing to them, he wants better for them than what he had. That is the way it should be.
Just because you were treated a certain way growing up-once your an adult you should know right from wrong regardless. You see other people, and you have matured so your past is no longer an excuse.
On my post about cursing at the children, someone said maybe that's how that mother was raised. Maybe it was, but so what? She's grown and she should know better and want better for her children. I'm not saying it probably wasn't hard for her, it probably was but I just don't think that should dictate how she treats her own children.
Do you agree?
27 people like this
32 responses
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@jabouk Thank you, I am very proud of who he is now. =)
3 people like this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
12 Apr 16
I had some rather large problems in my childhood and today, at age 64, I am always appalled the most when anyone abuses children. I can't imagine hurting one so innocent. I never had children myself because, with my past, I never thought I would make a good mother. Now, of course, I know I would have been quite good to my children and I'm sorry I never had at least one. But there's nothing to be done about that now.
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@CRK109 I am sorry for your bad childhood. =( No child deserves to be treated badly. I'm sorry that you never had the child you wanted-I am sure you would have made a great mother!
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Dena91 I am so glad that you have lots of nieces and nephews! =)
2 people like this
@Dena91 (17029)
• United States
13 Apr 16
Because of my upbringing I chose not to have any kids as well. I promised myself at an early age that I wouldn't bring another human into this world and mistreat them in any shape or form. At times I wonder what would have been but I know Mike and prayed and felt that if God intended for us to have a child we would have. We are blessed with 20 nieces and nephews so we are blessed with kids in our life that way. Have a blessed evening.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
12 Apr 16
Unfortunately, I don't think everyone who's been mistreated as a child get over their experience. I guess some of them get so scarred emough that they never discern what's good from bad. And then they get into a cycle of passing these off to their kids.
Until somebody takes the time to pull them out of this cycle, and impart some goodness to them.
3 people like this
@rona07 (1641)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies i dont think that they plan to have kids to mistreat them you know. But something along the way they were able to treat them that way. Some have the intention of really giving them good future but in someway or another they failed to do so.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@bounce58 Well if they can't get past it then I don't think they should have children because that is truly unfair to keep the cycle going.
@WorDazza (15826)
• Manchester, England
12 Apr 16
It says a lot about your husband's character that he has used his experiences as a child to make things better for his own children.
All too often it is far too easy for people to just follow the same path as their parents and then trot out the lame excuse that it's not their fault, it's the way they were brought up. We always have choices. Unfortunately, trying to make a better life after a bad start is too much effort for a lot of people. And as long as there are people around who will accept their excuses then they are going to take the easy way!!
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 16
@WorDazza And if they want to live in self pity and not move forward that is up to them of course-but don't bring children into it! If you know your going to bring these feelings with you forever then children don't need to be in the future plan. In my opinion of course.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (118793)
• Anniston, Alabama
12 Apr 16
I do agree, BUT some people just cannot move past the life they "knew" and the cycle continues. That is why everyone should be a role model for others, regardless if they listen or not.
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 16
@andriaperry I just don't understand I guess why some can't get past it, at least for their children's sake. You know?
@rona07 (1641)
• Philippines
13 Apr 16
Exactly, some can't really move on. Maybe because they have a weak character or maybe there was no one there for them which can be a role model to them. Or maybe for some other reason we cant see coz we are not living the life they have. Its just some of them need help and no one did. No one maybe reached out. And maybe they brought a child expecting and telling themselves they will not do it the same way they were brought up but then in some situation they tend to curse or shout at them. My heart goes out to those kids who are brought up this way.
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
12 Apr 16
I also feel that all the bad we experience helps us learn right from the wrong. What to do and what to avoid. It is not to forward that bad onto others. Learn from your mistakes and your experiences. Not multiply it and spread it.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 16
@Daljinder Exactly, you said it perfectly! No one should bring children into this world if their going to keep doing what was done in the past to them.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Daljinder Aw, thank you so much! He is a wonderful man and I am super lucky to have him by my side. He has strong faith and he loves us so much. Thank you for your kind words. 
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
12 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies You know from your previous posts I learned that you had a great husband who is an excellent father. I thought no wonder you loved/ love him that much. But now reading this post and the things he went through. And then knowing from you how he is doing everything he can to save his kids and you the same fate. He has my respect. You both do actually! Your kids are blessed with you both as their parents and role modals.
2 people like this
@dodo19 (48119)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
12 Apr 16
This just shows that you can move past your childhood. Your husband is a good example of someone, who grew up with parents who didn't care for him well, to become a better parent, who loves and cares for his kids. He certainly learned from his past and moved on. Some people can't. We can't always use our past as an excuse. We should learn from it, and use it to become a good person and the kind of person we want to be.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 16
@dodo19 Yes it is very possible to move on from the past. And if your grown and you just can't move on from it then it's probably not the best idea to bring children into this world to mistreat them.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (48119)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
12 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies I couldn't agree with you more. It's not fair to bring up kids, if you can't let go of the past. I'm glad that your husband is a good parent, and is good to your kids.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@dodo19 Yes he is amazing to them-we are so lucky to have him. =)
1 person likes this
@Teep11 (7673)
• United States
12 Apr 16
There comes a time when one has to take responsibility. I just can't get over living a 10 year old for months alone. Wow! Thank God the Aunt stepped in. A lot of times people carry the dysfunctional behaviors into their adult life. The way they were raised sticks with them and it shouldn't but a lot of times people are unable to let go of their treated as a child but that's no excuse for mistreating children.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Teep11 Yeah there were worse things than that, like them living in shelters where razor blades were in the window sills and roaches in the food. Just really bad childhood. I am very proud of who my husband is today!
If they cannot get past the things they went through then I don't think it's a good idea to have children and mistreat them too.
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
13 Apr 16
I do agree but it takes a certain amount of maturity to realize that you can't keep blaming everything on how you were raised, you need to take responsibility for who you are. Some people would rather make excuses than change their attitude. Congratulations to your husband for breaking the cycle.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@BelleStarr Yeah I know some people never mature enough and always blame things on the past-and that is up to them but I don't think they should bring kids into the world.
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (52665)
• Philippines
12 Apr 16
Because not every one is strong enough to move on from troubled past, it takes a lot of courage, inspiration to make some one move on and make sure their children doesn't make the same mistake they did.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 16
@Letranknight2015 Well if their having that much trouble moving on from it maybe they shouldn't have children until they can get past it? Just my thoughts on it.
@CookieMonster46 (13453)
• United States
13 Apr 16
Well it sounds like he doesn't have any issues from this, to me it is a form of abuse, and a lot of people can't get past that, They may know what is right and wrong, but either still are suffering inside, or need some therapy. Sometimes bad things from a child hood stick with you.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@CookieMonster46 Some things from it have stuck with my husband too but he doesn't let it affect his every day life. He doesn't want to hurt our children like he was hurt as a child.
If someone can't get past it then they shouldn't have children.
1 person likes this
@CookieMonster46 (13453)
• United States
15 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies , I know a man that had issues from abuse, his girlfriend got pregnant, he did not want kids but she was secretly off the pill. Now he isn't in the childs life or the ex girlfriend, he has too many issues in his head.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@DianneN Yeah, he has strong faith and it got him through horrible times.
1 person likes this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Apr 16
Just because you were raised like that doesnt mean you have to continue the endless cycle of abuse. You should be learning from your parents mistakes and do better for yourself and your children. My parents were excessive drinkers and often did and made a lot of bad choices and treated us like crap while they were drunk and now as an adult I have lost the desire to drink. I do have an occasional drink but am not a big drinker mostly because of the environment I was raised in.
1 person likes this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies That is excellent that he stayed clear that would of been a horrible cycle to continue and how horrible for him having to deal with such a huge thing on his own when he was only 10 years old...I cant believe what some people do to their children, its so sad
@Morethanamom (1948)
• Canada
12 Apr 16
I think this can be a place where there is no distinct black and white. Your husband was lucky to have had the aunt take him in, and that gave him an opportunity to make himself better. Not everyone is that lucky.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Morethanamom It wasn't a cake walk with her either, trust me. She had 7 children and they had NOTHING but at least there he felt safer.
All I am saying is if people cannot move forward then they shouldn't bring kids into the world and mistreat them. The pattern will never end this way.
@youless (114117)
• Guangzhou, China
13 Apr 16
I am so sorry to hear that your husband was treated so badly when he was a child. It is really hard for me to believe it. My son is lucky and he has good family who cares and loves him. I can't imagine how a 9 years old child to live alone. His parents were totally irresponsible. I am glad that your husband doesn't have an effect from his parents. He tries to be a nice dad and I think he knows it quite well. He wants to correct his parents' mistakes.
1 person likes this
@carebear29 (32002)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
12 Apr 16
Everyone treats their kids differently growing up. I hate how the spouse's parents try to tell you how to parent and I hate that. Like hello, I married your child. I like your post. I am glad your kids daddy treats them better
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@carebear29 It just kills me to see children being treated badly! I love children so it bothers me. Thank you, he is an amazing husband and father. =)
1 person likes this
@carebear29 (32002)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
13 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies That is very great. Bless you!
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
13 Apr 16
Some people, your husband, is making sure he doesn't act like his parents did..while some people go the opposite way - be glad he is the way he is.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Abbygreenhill I am very grateful he broke the cycle.
@Tampa_girl7 (54714)
• United States
13 Apr 16
Even if you had good parents there is always room for trying to be an even better patent.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Tampa_girl7 Oh of course, none of us have reached perfection, far from it.
@IvySaysHi (4603)
• United States
12 Apr 16
I try my best now not to even yell at my son and I sure as heck don't curse at him because children don't deserve to be cursed at!
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 16
@IvySaysHi Yeah, we all lose our cool and yell sometimes-we are human but that lady calling her kids MF's is awful to me. =(
@IvySaysHi (4603)
• United States
12 Apr 16
@LovingMyBabies yeah that is too much
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Apr 16
@Angel_15 Exactly, it's not a good excuse forever.
1 person likes this
